


A Scent of Lavender

by Del12



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Cullen Rutherford Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Love Triangles, M/M, Slow Burn, Solas Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 09:18:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 48,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4871401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Del12/pseuds/Del12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being fortunate enough to be raised from a more progressive clan, Lavellan uses her moral compass to guide the Inquisition to victory against Corypheus.</p><p>All the while, she tries balancing her growing interests in certain people, helping her friends, and learning more about her enemy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Homefront

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a sucker for love triangles and the ones I've seen so far don't have the Inquisitor I would use. Though I do love them!

She could see the dust in the air as the sunlight streamed through a hole in the ceiling. Lots of dust. She wondered how long this place had gone unnoticed, or for that matter, how long it had been around. When she stepped further in she heard her companions shoes and feet scraping and rustling against the stone pavement.

No one said anything for awhile.

She turned around and saw her advisers staring off into various directions of the main hall. The place smelled like old books, she thought. Old books and moss. Lavellan continued her way towards the back end where a throne had been knocked over covered in cobwebs.

 _Cobwebs. Spiders. Please, let there be no giant spiders in here, s_ he thought.

"Home, sweet home!" She giggled as she tried tilting the throne upright. The thing was heavier than she imagined, but she wasn't about to give up in front of her advisers and friends. She grunted and huffed as she propped up the throne. Smiling at her accomplishment she looked to Leliana for approval.

"It will do." Leliana remarked as she held her gaze towards the ceiling. Her arms were crossed behind her back - a similar stance that would be common for someone like Solas. 

"Yes, it has some - potential. I can get in contact with some decorators and carpenters from Redcliffe. They do owe us a favor anyways..." The statement was meant to reassure Josephine more than anyone else. She leaned against an old table and propped open her bag to take out her quill and paper. 

"Let's not dally around. I'll send for my soldiers to begin..." Commander Cullen trailed his eyes over the various broken structures in the hall. "...cleanup... We mustn't wait. Who knows where he is right now or what he's planning." He made a curt nod to Lavellan and turned on his heel towards the front entrance where they had just come from. Lavellan nodded still even knowing he did not see her gesture. He's been different since Haven... since she was found half dead. True, they'd never been best friends - especially since her decision to align with the Mages - but they were always amicable towards each other and she always prided herself in making friends with everyone or at the very least being on good terms. 

"Eh, don't mind Curly so much. He's been... not himself lately." Varric emerged from the shadows behind the throne suddenly and Lavellan couldn't help but leap from the throne in shock.

"Do you always ominously emerge from the shadows when giving advice, Mr. Tethras?!" She quipped.

"I've been wandering around this place for a solid ten minutes while you all have been silently sulking about having to fix up this place. This is nothing. This is luxury for me, in fact. We'll get this place spiffed up in no time." Varric patted Lavellan on the back and followed in Cullen's direction. She watched until she saw the top of his head disappear down the steps.

The place was so grand - it had to have been when someone occupied it, she thought. Leliana and Josephine were chatting about something in the background while they made their way to the exit. She couldn't make out the words but she knew it had something to do with Cullen being around mages and the irony. She shrugged and continued her exploration of the hall. The doors on the sides immediate to where the throne had been was almost barricaded off it seemed. Odd. 

She spent the rest of the early morning and afternoon wandering the courtyard and climbing stairs that seemingly led to nowhere at the moment. She fancied the idea that the stairs once led to hidden rooms and mysterious passageways. The rest of her Inquisition had scattered around the castle as well, though few were off wandering for amusement as she was.

Dorian and Sera were looking for new bedrooms to claim as their own and were in competition to see who would get the best spot. Cole disappeared as per usual and only emerged if he saw a bird or butterfly appear in the courtyard. Leliana, Cullen, and Josephine were stationed just outside the castle steps across the entry bridge. The Iron Bull and Cabot, along with the help of the other Chargers, cleaned up a section of the castle across the front steps. 

Lavellan finally found herself in a corridor of the castle that looked as if it had been blocked off longer than the rest of the place. It was a small library covered in long dusty cobwebs. She gathered that not even spiders had lived here long. 

"Curious..." She murmured as she held out her staff to clean off the ones covering the books.

"I would be wary of wandering too far from the rest in an unknown place." A voice called out from behind her.

"Well, you're here now, so I guess I don't have to worry as much." Lavellan smiled but did not turn around. Her eyes were still tracing the shelves and books around. 

"Ah. Am I obligated to follow you now?" Solas said in a tone she couldn't decipher was teasing or annoyed. To be safe, she turned around and faced him to gauge which one was the case.

"Solas, I owe you so much for this. I - We needed any help we could get, and you gave us much more. You gave us a future. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you being part of my band of merry misfits." It caught him off guard. 

"You give me too much credit, Inquisitor. I merely pointed you in the direction and you led us here safe with no casualties along the way. A remarkable feat." He paused and traced his eyes across her eyes and mouth. "Truly."

Her eyes widened slightly as when she noticed the depth in his gaze. _His eyes are quite alluring especially in the dark - almost like slivers of silver,_ she thought.

"Come now, let's make our way back. I can just feel the baby spiders crawl up my skin." Lavellan loosely pulled Solas out the door by his hand which caused him to feel his body go cold. And sweaty. He gave one last glance at the room behind him and narrowed his eyes to the giant book she had missed covered in spiderwebs. _I'll have to check that later_ , he thought.

* * *

 

A few weeks had passed by and Skyhold had looked more like the regal castle it had once been and not a dusty cave it had previously emulated. Her companions and advisers had settled into a routine and were beginning to get restless. 

"We can't waste anymore time, we need to send soldiers out into the field." Cullen protested.

"They'll do us no good if they're tired and resentful to us, Commander. You've had them work this whole time without a moment's rest. You need to be on good terms with them - they need to know we are the best choice!" Josephine demanded. Lavellan had been watching them from the distance. When she made her way towards them, Josephine smiled and bowed before shooting a glare at Cullen and walking away.

“We set up as best we could at Haven, but could never prepare for an archdemon or whatever it was. With some warning we might have…” He stopped and looked down at his notes.

Lavellan folded her arms and leaned over to him and said softly, “Do you ever sleep?”

“If Corypheus strikes again we may not be able to withdraw and I wouldn’t want to. We must be ready. Work on Skyhold is still underway, guard rotation established, we should have everything on course within the week - I hope. We will not run from here, Inquisitor.”

“How many were lost?” She blurted out. It had been on her mind since she reached Skyhold. No, since immediately after Haven. The memory of the cinders crackling around her, the scent of burnt wood... the screams...

Cullen hesitated before answering, almost as if trying to soften the blow. “Most of our people made it to Skyhold. It could have been worse. Morale was low but, it’s improved greatly since you accepted the role of Inquisitor.”

“Inquisitor Lavellan. Oh, the clan would love to hear that... I wasn’t looking for another title. It sounds a bit odd, don’t you think?”

“Not at all.” Cullen avoided making eye contact, but his words were warm and genuine.

“Is that the official response?”

Cullen chuckled, “I suppose it is. But it’s the truth! We needed a leader, you have proven yourself.”

“Thank you, Cullen.” She said softly. She turned her attention to her feet and shifted her weight. “Our escape from Have- It was close. I’m relieved that you… that so many made it out.” Well, that sounded odd, she thought. She expected him to raise his eyebrows in question or at the very least laugh at the sheer awkwardness of her statement. But he didn't. He looked at her.

Cullen's voice was low and husky, “As am I.” They held each other's gaze for a second. The Inquisitor turned away and began making her way back when Cullen perked his voice up, “You stayed behind.” He reached out slowly. “I will not allow the events at Haven to happen again. You have my word.”

"And you have my word." She said firmly before realizing the gravity of her statement. "I mean of, you know, leading - the Inquisition... to -," She squeaked, "safety." Before he could respond, she turned quickly and made her way to the closest door she could find. The bar. 


	2. And Then, The Rain Came

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan returns from Fallow Mire exhausted and in need of something more than just killing things. This is during her stay back at Skyhold until her new assignment.

Bread, water and sleep were all that was on Lavellan's mind when she saw the silhouette of Skyhold in the near distance.

_I just need one of those things right now and I'll be okay to face another day._

"Inquisitor! Eager to reach home are we?" Blackwall chuckled roughly as he rode up next to her. 

"How can you tell?" She said sheepishly hunched over her mare's head, practically sitting on its neck. 

He raised his eyebrow, looked back at the rest of her companions that were barely making their way over the hill in the distance behind them, and laughed. "A guess, I suppose!"

"I'm so hungry and thirsty... And sleepy. And tired." Her stomach growled as she spoke.

"Almost home..." He looked over his shoulder in the direction of the other companions. "I'm sure, _Madame de Fer_ is as eager as you are..." His voice took a mocking tone saying Vivienne's title. "Why did you think bringing her to that swamp land would be a good idea? She hasn't stopped talking about how we all need baths... Especially me." Blackwall crossed his arms as their horses trotted carefully down the last stretch of the mountainous path. 

"She's not so bad, Blackwall... She's very sweet once you get to know her. I don't think a lot of what she says is meant to be taken seriously. Dark humor, you know? Besides... We all DO need baths..." Lavellan joked. She didn't believe it, either deep down. She knew Vivienne would never intentionally harm someone without cause. That much was true, but she's could see how Blackwall saw her as someone to look out for. Vivienne made that much clear by the way she treated her subordinates and by the way she treated other fellow mages not in the Circle. She didn't want to believe it, though. She admired Vivienne's command in voice and the way she held herself among a crowd full of powerful men. She wanted that presence when she stepped into a room.

Her clan's Keeper was hardly on good terms with anyone. When she was picked as First, an event that she should have been completely proud of, she was a little embarrassed. She remembered the whispers in the village about how "this one would turn out if she's mentored by that old bag." Lavellan swallowed hard at the memory. Perhaps that's why she tried so desperately to have everyone on good terms. To be a mediator. To listen and not choose sides... Something she was finding harder and harder to do as Inquisitor. They came up to the path that led directly to Skyhold.

"You've a good heart, Inquisitor. I'd hate to see it corrupted by the likes of her kind." Blackwall looked to the distance and then back to her. "Would you like to see who's the better steed?" He chuckled.

"You're on!" The two darted into the distance.

* * *

 

Blackwall won the race, but only because Lavellan's saddle came flying off due to how terribly she'd been leaning forward. Cole disappeared as soon as they had reached Skyhold's grounds. She smiled when she saw him gently disappear. Lavellan needed to make it a point to learn more about this spirit of compassion. He had been mostly quiet during their time in the Fallow Mire and when he did speak, it was mostly in riddles, she thought. Cassandra retreated back to her room after quickly getting a bite to eat in the kitchen. They gave each other a friendly smile that said, "Good to be back." 

The Inquisitor swiped a piece of bread from the kitchen and drank four cup-fulls of fresh water that had been gathered from the wells. The kitchen staff chuckled over her haste in eating.

Her legs shook from exhaustion as she made her way up her room's steps. 

Lavender. Very faint, but it was there. It reminded her of a gift her mother brought back from her travels in Orlais. Not the they didn't have lavender in the Free Marches, but lavender oil was much more concentrated. She reached the top of her steps looking for the source. Now it smelled like lavender and paint. She walked slowly towards her bed still looking around to see where it was emanating from. Then she caught a glimpse of a hand from her balcony. 

"Hello?" She called out.

Solas emerged startled. 

"Inquisitor, apologies! I did not know you would be back today. Ms. Montileyet informed me that you'd be reaching us tomorrow evening." 

"Ah, well I was..." She remembered her insistence in buying another two steeds to travel back faster. "... That is, I decided to arrive ahead of schedule due to, uh, our findings..."

He cocked his head and smirked, "Desperate to arrive home, I see? Fallow Mire isn't exactly the ideal vacation spot." 

"It was about as dreadful as the wolf." She weakly laughed at her own joke. "Get it? The wolf? Like the, uh... Story?" She noticed he had frowned. _Great_ , she thought, _now he thinks I'm weak and terrible at jokes._

He cleared his throat. "I'm sure you're wondering why it smells of paint thinner." He looked up to the fresco above her bed. The painting above her bed was a detailed and geometric map of the Free Marches! It was magnificent. She could tell he had worked on it almost the entire time she was gone.

"My my, you really have outdone yourself! It's beautiful! But how did... That is... What brought this on?" She stepped closer to him intending to reach out to him. She wanted to give him a hug, but Solas didn't seem the type of person to do that, and he had wet paint splattered about him. She folded her arms after seeing this.

Solas must have saw her attempt to hug, because he inched closer and leaned in. "Josephine suggested it to be honest. She saw some on the work I'd done before and whether or not she was serious in her suggestion, I took it upon myself to lighten the room." 

She was still staring at the details and sharp edges of his painting. Lavellan sighed and turned towards him again. "I'd like to know more about you, Solas." He nodded.

"Of course, Inquisitor. But for now, please rest. I do not wish to trouble you further."

"Solas, you can trouble me anytime." She smiled with her eyes closed... and then they shot open when she realized her comment could have been taken flirtatiously. There was nothing to follow up that could save her words. She looked at Solas for his expression.

He smirked. He actually, truly, smirked - devilishly. Uncharacteristically. She could feel the heat in her face grow warmer and warmer.

"I'll leave you be... For now." He said in a low voice. He made his way out slowly... Painfully.

She plopped onto her bed and let out an exhausted sigh.

* * *

 

She woke up to the sound of rain pitter pattering outside her balcony doors. The cool air kissed her face. It must have been the middle of the night. No sign of sun. Shivering, she rubbed her arms with her hands to produce some amount of heat. Slowly, she stood and walked towards the balcony doors to close them. She closed the first set and made her way to the second when she caught the smell of lavender again.

"What in the -" She sniffed in the air to try to find the source once again. Nothing. Defeated and too tired to wander the room in the dark, she retreated back to bed. "So odd..." She yawned. "But I suppose there could be worse smells to have about."

"I like the smell." A young voice said next to her out of thin air. Lavellan yelped and fell off the bed.

Cole peeked from the top of the bed to see her on the floor. "I frightened you. But you are still so warm in your heart. You aren't mad. Never mad. You wanted to talk to me earlier?" He asked innocently.

"Oh, Cole. My goodness, you have to remember not to just sneak up on people - but most especially me... You know how skiddish I was in the Mire..." She reached for the top of her bed and pulled herself into the sheets. 

"Yes, you are unsure - that is what makes you pure. See the light in hearts." He brought his knees close to his face. Lavellan helped remove his shoes from off the bed. 

She put her head on his shoulder and reached around his waist to pull him in. Cole's eyes widened, unsure of how to feel. "You are so sweet, Cole." She said softly as she closed her eyes. He gulped.

"Will you sleep with me?" Lavellan knew Cole wouldn't take the question any other way.

He nodded. "Alright."

* * *

 

Lavellan slowly opened her eyes to see two dewy pair of light blue eyes staring back at her. 

"Morning, Cole." She groggily mustered out.

"Yes. It is morning." Cole said softly. "He is waiting for you."

"...He? Who?" She slowly lifted her head.

"They all are. Thoughts are swirling like whirlpools. Want. Can't. Shouldn't. Will."

A knock sounded on the door. She got up and turned towards the noise and then looked back. He disappeared again.


	3. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan's trip to Crestwood sparks some conversation between her companions.

"Lethallan, I'm glad I found you." Solas made his way to Lavellan with his arms folded behind his back. Lavellan twisted around to face him. He could see she had been in deep thought and was making her way towards a blocked off corridor. 

 _No doubt she's trying to find clues to the history of this place._ Solas thought to himself.  _I need to be more careful._

"Something wrong, Solas?" Her voice was softer. Her eyes were still held to the blocked doorway. 

“Other than the fate of the entire world resting entirely on a single elf’s shoulders – no.” But he wasn’t referring to the Inquisitor. Thoughts of the veil plagued his mind every night and he was getting no additional peace of mind every time he saw her. Lavellan had only been half listening to his response. Her attention was drawn to faint voice beyond the library’s door. She was unsure if something was playing tricks on her mind but she could have sworn she heard a child’s voice singing a lullaby. Half-stepping slightly closer to the door, she could now hear it was an elven child’s voice chanting. Solas narrowed his eyes as he watched the Inquisitor try to step closer to the door.

“Inquisitor?” He broke her magnetic gaze and when she realized this, she patted down her shirt and turned to him again.

“Ah yes.” She shook her head slightly as if to snap herself back to reality. “Yes, yes. The fate of the world on my shoulders and so forth. You know, I had expected this from the Commander and Leliana, but not from you, Solas.” Her teasing didn’t distract Solas from forgetting her hypnotic state, but he choose not to pursue the matter and instead moved on.

“Sorry to disappoint.” He smiled. “But I digress – I had come by to request joining you and the rest to Crestwood. I believe there are more of those Elven Artifacts in the northernmost part. I believe they might be slightly different from the rest we’ve seen so far. Of course, I do not wish to cause any inconvenience should that be too troublesome to arrange.”

Lavellan felt unsure of how to feel by the formality of the request. By now, they had already passed the gestures of acquaintances but it seemed that any time she would return from an extended stay, Solas would once again distance himself through a mask of politeness.

“Of course. I had been meaning to ask you to join me, in fact. Blackwall made it quite clear that he is not to be included in any excursions with Vivienne again…” She paused when she thought she heard the elven child’s voice again, but pushed it from her mind. Solas began to feel uneasy by her hesitance.

“How do you feel about Sera?”

 

* * *

 

 

When Crestwood was described to her, she pictured shades of greens and golds and ruins. Instead she found it damp, rainy and grey - the complete opposite. When they arrived to their base, it was already past noon. The group had spent the majority of the late afternoon making their way to Old Crestwood in search of spotted rifts. By nightfall, Lavellan made the very unpopular decision to camp just south of the barren town. Huddled around the fire, the group split their latest kill amongst each other.

“Ain’t right those things.”

Sera dug her teeth into the remaining loaf of bread she stole from New Crestwood. She gazed into the distance at the floating auras that emanated from the apparitions in the distance. Lavellan smiled and shook her head.

“Sera, they were just like you and me once, you know. Well… some. It’s tragic really.”

Her expression turned grim when she thought about the voice she heard singing in the library. No doubt there were spirits lingering about in Skyhold, she just didn’t like to think about it.

“Agreed, and yet, Inquisitor, some would disagree that more often than not they are spirits like that of Cole. Spirits of reason, wisdom, joy… love, tr-“ Blackwall interjected Solas abruptly with a huff.

“Aye, and I reckon there are demons there as well.” He tried to say it as confidently as possible but his eyes betrayed him. Lavellan saw Blackwall shudder and gave a smirk to Sera. The blond elf wickedly smiled back, both acknowledging a future prank in Blackwall’s direction.

“Oi, not like you can’t take ‘em on.” Sera jested. “Blackwall the Great!”

Blackwall laughed nervously into his mug.

“Well, I’m off to bed. I’d wager we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow and being the only strong hand here…” He tapped his sheathed sword. “I better get a good night’s rest to be of some use.” He bowed his head towards the Inquisitor and Sera’s direction. “Ladies.” And then gave a light nod to the older apostate. “Solas.”

When Sera saw him enter his tent, she let out a hearty laugh. “I think he was more creeped out than me!” The Inquisitor covered her mouth as she giggled alongside Sera.

“Don’t act so mighty, Sera – when we see spirits tomorrow, you might be the one hiding behind him!”

“Well d’uh! Ain’t gonna get too close to those things.” Sera finished up the last piece of meat she had on her wood plank.

“Spirits shouldn’t be feared more than humans or dwarves, Sera. You fight for the oppressed, I would think you more open minded.” Solas drank from his mug seemingly not caring for Sera’s reaction.

Sera was about to say something, no doubt offensive, but Lavellan interrupted before she could. “There will always be those who won’t understand, hahren. Besides, Sera does enough for the people she does. And she is still so young and little after all!”

She bopped Sera’s nose with her finger and laughed. She had a beautiful laugh, he thought.

 _No, shake that from your mind. It’s just an infatuation,_ Solas argued with himself.

But he could not deny his growing attraction to her. True, she wasn't an extraordinary beauty but it was her thoughtfulness, kindness, and, even though she had not seen it in herself, he saw strong leadership and determination. He tried distancing himself as much as possible, but that only made her visits to his rotunda more and more frequent. He envisioned her sitting on his desk while he told her stories of the Fade. Her genuine interest in it all.

Sera caught his infatuated gaze to Lavellan and quickly got up.

“Pfffft! Not little!” She took one last gulp from her wooden cup. “Anyways, I’m done wit’ this elfy party… I’m going to bed. Don’t stay out too long, eh? I hate being woken up!” As she made her way to the ladies’ tent, she turned around and muttered to Lavellan, “Kind of expected, innit? I mean boring. You’re funner than he is, right?”

The Inquisitor gave her a surprised look and blushed. She turned around to face Solas, “What’s she mumbling about? Haha!” But Solas had been looking in her direction already. She could feel the tips of her ears go warm. Her eyes shot downwards to the mug and back to the plank of food she still had left.

“I suppose we should follow suit?” She said under her breath.

“I’m curious, lethallan… Why did you choose Mythal?” His question caught her off by surprise. So that’s why he was staring! This must be why she would catch him glancing her way ever so often. _He’s probably been wondering this whole time,_ she thought.

“Shall I rattle off her attributes, like a good Dalish elf?” She sighed. “Well, personally, she’s the only one I felt I could relate to the most. Or rather, what I aspired to be. As one of the only mages in my clan, I was expected to be one of the candidates as a First. When I think of Keepers, I believe – though not always true – they should be protectors of a clan. Motherly yet determined to preserve order. That was my hope…” Her voice caught a bit of wavering at the end. She cleared her throat. “And for a more, unorthodox reason – I was terrified of getting my vallaslin permanently marked on my face… I chose the one most subtle in appearance.”

“Ashamed to an extent?” She knew his question was sincere and non-judgmental but it still stung.

“I’ve always… thought it a little… archaic.” She met his eyes sheepishly. “That’s disgusting, I suppose. One should be proud of who they are – especially when representing a clan.”

“Not at all.”

She looked up at him, surprised.

“If everyone followed in the direction they perceived as 'destined', there would be no progress. Very much how tyrants are born; they believe things are the way they should be and take advantage who do not believe otherwise. You are right to question its origins.”

Perhaps it was the lack of sleep and fatigue she was feeling, but the way Solas spoke his last sentence made him appear otherworldly.

“Who are you?” She whispered absentmindedly.

“A humble apostate.” He got up from the boulder he was sitting on and bowed. “Goodnight, Lavellan."

'Lavellan' - the name sounded so regal off his lips. In fact, as she reached her tent and settled into her bedroll, it was all she could think about. 'Lavellan.' But was it the way he said it or was it the fact that it came after such a personal conversation? Or was it... because of her growing interest in him? She knew him as a dear friend and mentor, but his perceived apathy and the age difference made her believe he was out of the question for anything more.

And then she felt it. The twisting feeling in the pit of her stomach. The same feeling she was developing with her Commander during their chess games. She sighed loudly into her pillow. 


	4. Orlais in the Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan and her crew travel to Val Royeaux to meet with a Duke about obtaining information that could help understand their enemy, Her friends notice her admirers.

Her laugh was insufferable, she thought and this coming from herself - self-described most tolerant person she knew. Lavellan rolled her eyes slightly upon hearing the woman's high pitched shrill of a laugh. At the corner of her eye, she could see Varric chuckling at her reaction. 

"And oh! How lovely you are for an elf! Such beauty, such poise. Is she not poised, Duke?" The plump Orlesian woman nudged at the older gentleman next to her. The tall thin man wore a golden mask resembling a fox that revealed his darker eyebrows. His eyes, which could be seen through the bright mask, were a piercing emerald shade.

 _He seems he would be quite handsome without such an elaborate mask_ , Lavellan thought. Once again, the plump woman gave off another energetic cackle.  _And such an unpleasant partner by his side…_

“Quite poised.” The Duke raised a single eyebrow in flirtation, though Lavellan had been glaring at the round woman trying to suppress her outward disgust. The motion did not escape the sight of Solas who had been directly behind the Inquisitor. He pushed the stab of jealousy aside – he would not be worried either way, the Inquisitor would not be tempted by his person.

“I must admit, I’ve only been to Val Royeaux once before and never really had time to explore due to the urgent nature of my last visit.” Lavellan purposely left out the “other” last time she came about, lured in by a certain Red Jenny.

“Well, I’m sure the Duke would be honored to have you accompany him around the square this evening. Perhaps get a bite to eat, perhaps a bite of something more, eh, Duke?” She chortled through her heavily feathered Orlesian fan. The Duke’s expression of annoyance was made clear to Lavellan, who giggled in response.  

“Ms. Lavellan, would you do me the great pleasure instead in joining me for dinner tomorrow night? I’d be intrigued to learn about your travels through Orlais so far and of course, there is a matter of the texts that brought you back to Val Royeaux in the first place.” He held out his hand and she accepted the gesture.

“Happy to accept.” The contempt on Solas’s face could not be hidden. But he bid the pair farewell politely, though they hardly noticed his presence in the first place. The rest of the group made their way back to the house of the Duchess Flora with whom they were staying with at the request of Josephine.

* * *

 

In the drawing room, all four mages and the single dwarven rogue patiently waited for the advisers to arrive. Varric and Vivienne were engaged in a card game in the middle of the elaborately decorated room. The corner of the marble walls were trimmed with gold and tiny opals and the room was warm with the fire place nicely lit in an otherwise dimmer room. The enchanter elegantly laid herself against the white tufted chaise while her partner sat forward on the burgundy quilted chair.

“I do believe I have this one, darling.” Vivienne laid the cards out in front of her and smirked.

“When did you get so good at this? Were – were you purposely losing before to trick me into playing for money?” Varric furrowed his eyebrows and then let out a hoot.

“Hoo haha! You ARE SO going to be the next villain in my book!” Varric cleared off the table to shuffle another hand.

“The Duke Jerome is a rather amiable man, darling.” Vivienne took a sip of tea with her eyes held to Lavellan. The petite elf seated next to the window across the room gave a faint smile, too tired to partake in an engaged conversation with the enchanter. She knew all too well there would be some sort of unwanted implication of playing the Game – something she was not looking forward to come the next few months. Through the window, in the distance she could see storm clouds forming and she wondered if her advisers would be able to beat the rain.

“And quite handsome, too. Though I suppose you wouldn’t know it with those ridiculous masks.” Dorian peeked through the book he was reading. Subtly, he cast his eyes to the apostate next to him. Solas, who had also been reading, appeared to be disinterested in the conversation but made eye contact with the other mage and silently turned another page.

“It’s a pity I’ve raised the bar for beautiful men so highly, Inquisitor. What will you do with me?” The Tevinter pushed himself off the chair and made his way to the table with tea and biscuits.

It was soft at first, and then picked up pace. The rain was now whipping against the window and sounded like pebbles being thrown into a bucket. Or feed. Feed that would be fed to her halla back home daily. She held her face with her left hand, forgetting that the anchor’s glow would caste a green light upon her. The memory of waking up early to finish her training as First and then tending to her family’s chores later in the day rushed through her mind. During the quieter times, she tried to distract herself with conversation among her peers, but this time, it all sank in. She had hoped that the sound of rain against the walls and windows would muffle out her tiny whimper, but it was not lost upon her mentor who had been carefully studying her from the distance.

“And she accepted?! Do you know what this means, Commander?” Josephine burst through the door with Cullen following closely behind. His expression was an amusing combination of confusion and annoyance. The door slammed harder against the marble wall than she thought and the young Antivan jumped in response. “Excuse me…” She rushed up to where the Inquisitor had been seated.

“The Duke?! Do you know of his great connections he has throughout Orlais - and not only that one of the most eligible bachelors in the region even still! We could gain his trust – his allegiance – he would most certainly provide us with ---” Josephine realized the others in the room around her and straightened up. “Do pardon me.”

“We should accept his offer on the grounds that he will certainly provide better passageway through his estate for our soldiers and spies, but leading him to believe anything else would be dishonest, Josephine. Even recruiting him, as our leader so graciously does so often, would deter other noble Ferelden families from assisting us in the future. We cannot show any outward favoritism between the two by publicly aligning ourselves with noble houses.” The passion in his voice seeped through and he looked away when he saw Josephine’s sour disposition. “Any negotiations with him must be kept between our close inner circle and nothing to promote. It’s bad enough we’re already in debt to their hospitality.” As if on beat, he brought his hand to the back of the neck and turned away.

“While I kindly thank you for everything you’ve provided for us so far, Josephine – I think I shall play this one by ear. I’ve no illusions he’d willfully give up the Dumat texts without some negotiation or… favor.” Lavellan interrupted the two. Again, her use of words confused and surprised everyone around her, for they all quickly turned to her direction wide-eyed.

“…What?” Her innocent child-like expression made Varric snigger.

“Use a better choice of words, Rosy.” The dwarf looked towards Cullen who was still dumbfounded. “She means like currency favors or murder favors. Get your mind out of the gutter, Curly.”

“I was not thinking anything impure, _Varric._ ” The Commander rubbed his neck again and turned towards the Inquisitor. He spoke low and gently, _“_ I know the lady does not hold herself that way.” Their eyes met briefly and, in discomfiture, she gave a delicate smile, bowed her head, and turned her attention back towards the window.

Although it was habit of Josephine to miss subtleties so obvious to others, she began to suspect she was being left out of something. Her eyes darted from the Commander to Lavellan and then back again. When it registered, she held her quill feather to her face to cover her mouth and smirked. Ever the observer, Solas re-crossed his legs and adjusted in his seat in discomfort with the situation before him.

And just as Josephine did before him with Cullen, Dorian noticed Solas’s irritated expression and uneasiness once again. He popped another biscuit in his mouth before making his way back to the seat next to the elf. The Antivan woman shared her reports with the Inquisitor about her scheduled meetings while she was in Val Royeaux. Cullen would interject about the accounts his soldiers had heard from fallen or exiled Templars. While the trio chatted away, Dorian scooted his chair closer to Solas.

“Hey old chum, don’t worry. I’d wager she fancies to be with another fellow mage.” He haphazardly whispered. “Quite unfortunate for the two of you, really.” He nudged Solas’s arm.

“Have you been drinking?” Solas side-eyed him as he held the book close to his face.

* * *

 

 

Fall in Val Royeaux was unlike anything she’d ever seen. The Autumn Solstice was in full swing and shades of burgundy and byzantium hung from the balconies in forms of tapestries and décor. The rain the prior night made this early afternoon stroll pleasantly cool and refreshing. The streets were filled with chatter between the young nobles and merchants luring in customers. It wasn’t like she was trying to avoid her friends this early in the morning, but since Haven she rarely found a moment’s rest by herself. Cole would often drop in unannounced with things he’d thought she’d appreciate. Things so obscure, it was almost like a riddle to find out what his original intention was with gifts like strands of beads (to drop on her desk because it sounded like rain), wheels of cheese (because she often wished she’d have something to feed the gerbils while visiting Blackwall), and sheets of satin stolen from Josephine (because the feel of it reminded her of her late mother’s robes).

As she made her way down further, she caught a trace of lavender once more.

 _Well, I AM in the center of an Orlesian plaza… I’m sure I’m just by a perfume shop._ She thought.

“Oh!” Intricately designed wooden chess boards were on display at a nearby shop. Among them, she saw a tan board with lions carved into the pieces. Though not Ferelden in nature at all – as in fact lions were somewhat mascot of certain parts of Orlais – she couldn’t help but think the Commander would appreciate the gesture. His armored mask was that of a maned lion and when she had inquired about it, he went on and on about how the lion was originally a Ferelden symbol that represented fortitude and bravery – not to be confused with how Orlesians were currently just using it because of its beauty. She giggled at the memory and then, without thinking, another memory crept its way back to her immediate thoughts.

> _“We should spend more time together.” Lavellan moved a chess piece forward, hoping her strategy on the board would pull through._
> 
> _“I’d like that…” Cullen let out a gentle sigh._
> 
> _Without thinking and with her eyes still on the board she said dreamily, “Me too.”_
> 
> _“You said that…” He glanced up at her and beamed. There it was again. That twisting feeling in her stomach – no… it was a grabbing feeling. It felt as if someone was pulling her heart to the pits of her stomach. And she could almost swear that he, too, was uneasy at their sweet exchange. As if they were both trying to push the thoughts out of their head._

She caught sight of her reflection in the window pane of the chess merchant. Her dark hair laid lazily adjusted into low ponytail and her grey eyes were worn from staying up much of the night in thought. Her lips were a pale pink not matching her rose cheeks. Regardless of how cold or warm it was, her cheeks always gave off the look of being constantly flushed. Against her lighter olive skin, she always looked as though she was embarrassed or nervous by her demeanor alone. Inferior, she thought.

Images of Cullen’s golden slick back hair, inviting amber eyes and chiseled chin ran through her mind. His striking stature was always contrary to how he would physically present himself upon her presence. Hurriedly, she ran into the shop to purchase the lion chess set.

She looked down onto the pavement and feet quickly in the direction of the Duchess Flora’s mansion and passed her outer gardens.

 _What exactly am I doing? I just used some good coin on a present with no special occasion in mind and what will I even say to him when I hand it off?_ Then she laughed at herself. _Creators, am I – am I trying to woo him? A silly elf wooing a strapping Templar – HUMAN. If I head back, I can perhaps get my full money’s worth on this thing._

Lavellan stopped in her tracks and quickly turned on her heel when she slammed right into the broad chest of someone who had obviously been following her.

“Inquisitor!” Cullen picked her up from her upper arms like a little doll and placed her back in front. “I’m so sorry! I was – searching for – Leliana. She has just come in from Skyhold.” He stuttered while trying to compose himself.

“Oh that’s alright, I just didn’t hear you come from behind. Suppose I should, in theory, be able to pick up on that. For the field, you know.” She tried to be as discreet as possible by slowly sliding the chess case behind her but because of the proximity of where Cullen was, she had awkwardly and accidentally pushed it against his armor causing a faint squeaking noise.

“What do you have there?” The Commander stepped back and pointed to her arm carrying the chess case. He could see from where he was how it was too uncharacteristically decorated to be a regular parcel.

“Where?” She feigned confusion but only became more flushed than regular and Cullen raised his eyebrow.

“The box… you’re holding behind your back…” He leaned in to his side to get a better look.

“Oh – haha! This! Oh yes, this is uh… you know actually…” she brought the chess case to her chest and then awkwardly brought it to his right hand. “It’s actually yours. If you want. Because… do you remember our conversation about lions while we were playing chess a few weeks ago? And, I was gallivanting about the square and saw this very specialized chess store and when I saw this, I couldn’t help but laugh to myself about how flustered you looked when I asked if lions were mostly borrowed by Orlesians.” She nervously chuckled while imagining herself jumping into a void.

The short pause felt like an eternity to Lavellan who was looking at her feet again and could feel her back sweat profusely. She shifted her weight in legs to the right and cleared her throat. And then she felt his arms engulfing her petite frame and her face was suddenly submerged in his feathered pauldrons.

He pulled away slowly and met her eyes the entire time he did. 

Looking at the case, he traced his glove across some of the engravings. "I - You are too kind, Inquisitor. I thank you. I've not received a gift like this since boyhood and this..." 

"What are you two chit chatting about?" Varric walked towards the two with a stack of cards in one hand. The two broke their gaze and straightened out. 

"The weather." Lavellan felt now was the time to open up the anchor and jump into the Fade. With a confused expression on his face, Varric looked at the Templar.

"Uh... the weather?"

"If you'll excuse me, Varric." He gave a nod to the dwarf and then turned to her. "Another time..." He said sweetly and walked away hastily.

"What was that all about?" Varric said while still staring at Cullen's back. 

"I have to go!" The Inquisitor rushed off in the opposite direction.

"Am I missing something? ...Do I really need a bath that bad?" Varric said to no one. 


	5. The Duke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan meets with The Duke and is surprised to find out what he asks in exchange for the Dumat texts.

Ridiculous. That’s how she felt.

 _How am I ever going to eat in this thing?_ … _I suppose I’m not meant to eat in it…_ Her stomach grumbled again. _I should have eaten before getting into this thing._

The rough trimmings of her lace collar rubbed against the bottom of her chin and the tightly cinched corset held her upright. True, she’d never wear the attire anywhere else than Val Royeaux or any major city in Orlais, but after standing up and spinning herself in front of the mirror, she did come to appreciate how pretty the dress was. It was a cerulean and pearl dress much less elaborate than the ones she’d typically found throughout Orlais, but to Lavellan, it was the most clothing she’d ever worn in one sitting.

 _At least I don’t have to wear those ghastly masks._ She recalled her argument earlier with her Antivan adviser.

 

 

> “I’m not wearing that.”
> 
> “But you didn’t even look at it! It’s much more subtle than the others and bes-“
> 
> Lavellan cut her off mid-sentence and tried to restrain herself from yelling as much as possible.
> 
> “No, Josie. I’m an elf. A Dalish elf. It’s bad enough as it is I’m to be seen among other elves in this get up…” She ran her hand across the dress that was laid on the chair before her. “Though it is very pretty… I’m not forgetting what Orlais has done to my people and to attempt to assimilate would have my ancestors turning in their graves.”
> 
> Josephine gave a solemn expression and then sighed lightly. “I did not realize… I mean… Forgive me, I was being insensitive and - “, Lavellan touched Josephine’s shoulder and gave it a little shake.
> 
> “You worry too much. I know you were thinking on behalf of the Inquisition. The Duke’s good favor could grant us access to more areas throughout Orlais that not even Corypheus might know about. And once we obtain those Dumat texts, maybe we’ll… understand him better.” She exhaled loudly and sank her head into the pillow.

The knock on the door broke her flashback. _Tap, tap, tap._

“Come in! I’m almost ready, Josie. Don’t have a heart attack.” She said while fixing her hair in the mirror. But the reflection in the doorway was that of Dorian.

“Well, well! Aren’t we looking gorgeous this evening? Oh, and of course, you look lovely as well, darling.” The Tevinter strolled in with his new red and gold formal attire on.

“You know you aren’t supposed to wear that until the ball. If Josephine sees you, she’ll strangle you.” Lavellan ran the bristle brush through her hair.

“And YOU should know not to wear your hair down. What do they teach you in your clan? ‘And when you meet humans, make sure they know you are thoroughly disconnected with the civilized world. Must keep up appearances, you know.’” Lavellan snorted out loud and rolled her eyes.

“Ah yes, please do civilize me! I am but a savage dancing in the moon at night with fairies combing my hair and pixies following at my heels.”

“That hasn’t been discounted just yet. I always fall asleep before you.” He looked behind the doorway and silently closed the door.

“No one… else… is here with us, right?”

“You mean, Cole? No. I told him to stay back at Skyhold…”

“No, no… not Cole… I mean, we won’t be expecting any of our other team mates arriving here this week – correct?”

Lavellan set her brush down and turned to face him. “Who do you mean?”

His face lit up red and he turned away towards the bed trying to stammer out a response. Before he could respond, it dawned on her who he had been referring to.

“Iron Bull has gone away with the Chargers on a mission I set aside for them just outside the Deep Road entry. He practically jumped for joy when I mentioned sightings of dragons in the area.” But she noticed the shift in Dorian’s eyebrows and he looked… disappointed.

“Say what you want, Dorian. Your true feelings have betrayed the indifferent attitude you try to put on.” With a smirk and a wink she turned to face the mirror again.

“True feelings?” The mage scoffed and then nervously laughed. “You know whose true feelings were shown just the other night? Now _THAT_ is something worth snickering over. He’s probably curled up into a little ball and thrown himself in the Fade he loves so damn much. Such heartbreak.” Dorian exaggeratedly put his hand on his forehead in a mock faint.

Lavellan started to feel a cold sweat emerge on her back. “What – who are you talking about and why would they throw themselves into the Fade?”

“A little birdie told me you’ve a soft spot for our dear Commander, even going so far as to – Oh, never mind, just a silly rumor, I suppose.” He twisted the curl on his mustache with his finger and then continued. “The look on Solas’s face when he heard. It could have made the stones his head resemble so much, weep.” She dropped her comb onto the dresser and practically pounced on him without regard for her dress.

“What. Did. You. Hear.” She said inches away from his face.

“Am I interrupting something, Inquisitor?” Leliana’s teasing voiced came from behind. Lavellan jumped off the mage and adjusted her dress. The spymaster gently stroked the crow that was perched on her shoulder while she waited.

Lavellan whispered to Dorian softly, “You’re going to tell me everything when I get back.”

“Oh look how adorable she looks… so flustered and embarrassed!”

Leliana ignored Dorian and addressed Lavellan, “Inquisitor, The Duke Jerome has arrived downstairs. I pray you not keep him waiting for long…”

“No, not at all. I’ll go immediately.”

Leliana looked at the Inquisitor up and down and then, much to Lavellan’s surprise, she gave her an unusually sweet look. “You look very beautiful, Inquisitor.” Without another word, she followed the spymaster out the door and down the stairs.

 

* * *

 

 

“So the Dragon of Silence has piqued your fancy? I must say, the Inquisition certainly has some unusual tastes in literary choices.” The Duke drank from his goblet while keeping his eyes on her. So far, the meeting had been a pleasant one and they had not spoken about the original intent to meet. Lavellan found him polite, charming, and amusing - things she thought she'd never find among nobles.

“Those Dumat texts are some of the oldest stories and accounts of the Old God. There’s a reason why Corypheus almost had them all burnt when he came to power so long ago…” She paused and exhaled silently, “They could provide some insight as to why he’s going about this destruction now.”

“Come now, you aren’t that idealistic, Inquisitor. I’d wager you’ve seen your share of evil men so far. Greed, power, and lust for the steps ahead – they drive men mad.” He was physically looking at her, but his thoughts were elsewhere. The Duke’s mind flashed images of his past and he broke his stare with a laugh.

“But as you know, in Orlais, favors aren’t for free.” He took another sip from his goblet and gestured for the waiter to refill. “I’m not sure if I mentioned this upon seeing you, but let me say it again, you look quite exceptional tonight.” As he set his goblet down, he reached for her hand. Lavellan tried not to think about her racing heart beats and suppressed her urge to smack his hand away.

 _Such polite manners so far and he does this?! I should expect this much from the Orlesians._ _No… That is unfair of me to think. Perhaps there’s another reason…_

“Duke Jerome, I am unaware of what you are implying but let me assure you, I am no chamber elf.” Her voice was stern but not rude.

“Chamber el – No! Dear!” He quickly took his hand back to his side and sat back. “I apologize if you mistook my gesture to be uncouth. You remind me so much of her and – “, he shook his head slightly and then ran his fingers through the top of his head. “It’s true, upon first laying my eyes upon you I did find you quite a pretty elf girl. But I heard stories about your mercy and grace… all of which have been proven to me tonight. You are most agreeable, Inquisitor. How anyone could make you an enemy is beyond me…” The Duke took her hand in his and looked her dead in the eyes.

“You remind me so much of my daughter, Inquisitor. I’d fancy if she were here now you’d see how the two of you would get along. The favor I must ask is that of a personal one.”

The sincerity in his voice overwhelmed Lavellan. _Had he lost her? What could have driven him to go as far as to ask the Inquisitor for help?_

“How can I help?”

“My dear daughter, my youngest, went missing a few weeks ago. No one knows it but my immediate family. Should I let anyone else know, our reputation would be tarnished. The story is a long one, but to be brief: She thought herself in love with a Ferelden soldier who came by to visit family a few months ago. The two were inseparable… My selfishness and pride had me reject his request to formally court her, his status was of a low one – a farmer’s boy from the Hinterlands. When she found out, we had an argument and…” He sighed heavily and dropped his head.

“That very night she disappeared into the night. I know not, where she is, but I’d wager she’s venturing across Ferelden with the boy. I cannot send my men to find her, or even ask my connections in Ferelden as it would harm our barely higher status.” The Duke Jerome then leaned in closer to Lavellan.

“I beg you send your spies to track her down, in exchange, I’ll give you the Dumat texts and any requests your soldiers may have of my estate and lands. I just request this be held to the highest of secrecies and you return her… and the boy… to me.”

She pushed her back against the chair. “What will you do with the soldier?” 

The Duke sat back in his chair releasing her hand. “I shall give them my blessing… If she was willing to leave all this behind…” He looked off into the plaza. “I’d say she must love him terribly.”

* * *

 

 

After their meal, Lavellan and the Duke walked the Duchess Flora’s gardens talking about each other’s family stories. She was grateful to have found a new friend and her heart was filled to the brim with joy knowing she could unite his daughter and future son-in-law. They laughed for what seemed like hours into the night. It also made her miss her Papa terribly.

“I’d best be on my way, Inquisitor. It is terribly late and I’d hate to be the cause of your headaches tomorrow!” He let out one of the most elegant laughs she’d ever heard. He held both her hands together close to his face and softly kissed them. “I owe you much, Inquisitor. Thank you.”

She smiled warmly, “You have my word. I will keep my promise.” They bid their farewells and she slowly made her way towards the stairs. The hallway and room were dark and only a faint glow from the furthest room down the hall led her path. Instead of making her way up the stairs, she followed the light to see who was still awake.

_It better be Dorian and he better have some explaining to do!_

"Lethallan...?"

Her heart stopped. She could feel her hands become clammy but still, she searched for the source of the voice.

"Solas? Where are you?" He emerged from the chair facing away from her that had been in front of the dimly lit fire. 

"Apologies, I did not mean to frighten you. I had some trouble sleeping."

"You? Trouble sleeping? Haha! That is new." She hid her laugh with hand. Solas softly smiled in response but then quickly regained his neutral expression.

"I've kept you long enough, I shall leave you be." He nodded and was about to make his exit, but Lavellan caught his arm.

"I... was hoping you could stay up a little longer? I must confess, I've missed our lessons and conversations... well really I've missed you... talking to you." She swallowed hard.

_This is selfish. What am I doing? This is not me! I am not this kind of person but... when Dorian told me he was upset because of... I just never thought he would reciprocate those feelings and... wait. What if Dorian was just trying to start this all along? That son of a ---_

"I'd be honored, Lavellan."

Her knees almost gave out. There it was, again. 'Lavellan.' On anyone else's lips it sounded so harsh and droll... but he pronounced it beautifully. 

_What will I do?_


	6. Rumors

"That's not all! I also heard her talk about her father with the Duke! Such personal conversations... they must have gotten along quite well... Do you think they are engaged already? I fancy a good love story!"

"Is he not much too old for her? He could practically be her father himself! And an elf... with a noble? A Dalish one at that!"

Cullen could heard the chambermaids gossiping among themselves while they hung clothes out to dry in the smaller garden. He had originally intended to pass by and ask for directions to the cellar room, but instead he stayed behind a hedge to listen to the two girls converse. Every time he'd thought he could come out, there was one more thing for the smaller girl would say that made him that much more curious... and confused.

"Alright, so let me get back to it! Now, where was I? Oh, yes! So, I made my rounds again to check on a fire that had been left lit in the back sitting room and wouldn't you know it? They were still there. He finally bid her adieu - oh but not before taking his hands into hers and kissing them so softly. It was all so romantic! I believe he has fallen in love with the Inquisitor and her with him!"

The taller maid's eyes were wide in mystification. 

"Well go on! Did she say anything?" She held a handkerchief over her mouth to keep herself from squealing.

"She said, 'I will keep my promise.'" The smaller lady sank bank into the bench. "One can only guess what kind of a promise, love, but I’m sure it was marriage. I just know it!"

He could hear no more of it. On that note he made his way back to the front entrance as quickly and silently as he could. No, he was not as gullible to believe she could have engaged herself off during the middle of war - but why would the maid lie about a kiss? Was she merely being too passive to his advances? He remembered his own words.  _"I know the lady does not hold herself that way."_

And then, suddenly, he ran right into another body as he was making his way up the stairs.

"Commander! Do excuse me. I - I must not have been paying attention." Solas stammered out.

"Ah, Solas, apologies - it was my fault. I did not see or hear you in front of me."

The hedge mage assessed the Templar quickly before clearing his throat and pardoning himself.

"If you don't mind -" Cullen interrupted. "I'd like some company for breakfast this morning. Leliana and Josephine's teasing can only be tolerated for so long before it starts to wear on a man."

This took Solas by surprise, for while they were cordial with one another, he never thought himself as a close friend to the Commander. And even still, he felt uncomfortable being alone with the man who also, so obviously, cared for the Inquisitor. But he was curious…

"Of course, Cullen. I'd be delighted."

The two made their way to the dining room where their breakfast had already been prepared by the maids. Varric and Dorian had just made their way out of the room and gave their greetings in passing.

"Oh Cullen, do stop by the library once we get back to Skyhold for me. My contacts have found more locations of Venatori sightings... That and I would enjoy a good  _chess_  game..." The mage winked his eye and made his way out. Varric gave Cullen an apologetic look as he exited.

Cullen’s face flushed instantly. As the two sat down across from each other on the wooden table, the smaller maid from before made her way in.

“Oh! Sorry, Sers, I’d thought everyone would be out by now. I’ll leave you be.” As quickly as she came in, she left. Cullen remembered the maid’s conversation with the other earlier.

“Did you sleep well last night?” But the Commander wasn’t actually asking that question. In his mind, he wanted to blurt out a _“Did you see Lavellan come in last night?”_

Solas saw the confliction in the Commander’s eyes.

“Quite well… yes. And yourself?” He waited for Cullen’s response and when he didn’t say anything Solas continued, “Excuse me, Cullen, but was there something else you had on your mind?” He noticed the Commander was already on his second biscuit while the mage had yet to even fill his plate.

“I thought I had heard something from the lower chambers you were staying in last night. I had hoped no one woke you… or anyone else. “ He rubbed the back of his neck again and looked away.

“Everyone slept well. I did not sleep until the early hours of the morning so I can attest to the fact that no one was awoken.”

“I thought you had slept well?”

“Indeed I did. Lavellan had –“ Cullen quickly turned and leaned in to him at the sound of her name, and although Solas knew he shouldn’t have cared as much, it irked him.

“ – come in later in the night. We spoke for an hour or so and then headed into our separate chambers… Was there something worrying you, Cullen?”

“Oh, no… Ah… Had she mentioned anything to you about her meeting last night? I’m curious to see if we’ve won any favors in Orlais. My soldiers could use his lands for easy access to… those Silverite mines…” He wasn’t fooling himself, or anyone else for that matter and he must have known it, too, because he looked away from the older elf.

What happened next, surprised even Solas. For it was not as though he was trying to maliciously cause a wedge between Cullen and Lavellan, he just selfishly wanted him briefly out of the picture.

 _At least until…_ He took a deep inner sigh.

Lavellan had told him in detail about Duke Jerome’s request, to which he was relieved to hear.

> _“Please try to keep it among as few people as possible. I’m playing this one close to the heart!”_

“Ah well, that is something she is keeping only between a _select_ few. I apologize, I cannot speak further on the matter.” He wasn’t ENTIRELY lying. But he damn well knew Lavellan would probably personally tell Cullen about the request later in the day. Something darker in him wanted Cullen to squirm though – not unlike when he would tease Sera about her fear of spirits. Solas looked over to the right side of the table and spotted a frosted cake. As he peeled away the wrapping, he laid eyes on the Commander’s solemn expression.

“Oh, I see… I pray it isn’t a serious matter…”

* * *

 

 

The two continued on discussing their plans for the day and their mutual dislike for Orlesian culture. Both exchanged stories about the rude encounters they’ve had so far: with Solas being mistaken for a servant and Cullen being mocked for his Ferelden background. As the morning went on, Solas felt he had more common ground with the Commander than he originally thought. He was surprised to find that Cullen was much more read than other soldiers. He acknowledged his prejudiced past and openly talked about his willingness to learn more about magic. Guilt ate at Solas.

 _Cullen was an agreeable man_ , he thought. _True, he still holds caution towards mages – but there is a goodness in him that cannot be overlooked._

“Solas, I wanted to gather your opinion on something.” Cullen mumbled out.

“Hm?”

“Is it elven customs to…? I suppose this might be offensive, and I must apologize ahead of time if it is… but is it normal for elves to give gifts with no special occasion in mind?”

 _So much for being discreet… might as well tell him the color and finishing on the board as well._ Cullen imagined Solas judging and lecturing him about elven history.

“No more normal than it is for humans, I suppose. I’m unsure of Dalish customs except that they twist history to appease their own beliefs… It was common in ancient Arlathan that, on occasions when unexpected gifts were bestowed upon a person, it meant they were trying to create favor with someone they believed they wronged. Of course, that applies to even today but it was much more formalized in those times.” He could see the Commander uneasy about his question and was perhaps hoping Solas would not ask why he wanted to know. The elf continued on with a different conversation and the two didn’t speak on the subject further.

But Solas knew exactly what Cullen was referencing and he thought about the conversation he had the previous afternoon with Vivienne.

> “Hello, my dear. Do sit down.” Vivienne took a sip of the red wine in her glass.
> 
> “You’re in good spirits, Madame de Fer.” Solas quipped as he sat his book down next on the coffee table. He stayed standing, unsure of what the enchantress had planned.
> 
> “You are too cautious. I won’t bite. The Commander was just in here in a bit of a rush and I just came back from the garden.”
> 
> “Do you plan to tell me what you had this breakfast as well?” He sat down across from her but did not look like he intended to stay long.
> 
> “Aren’t you spirited this afternoon?” She smiled through her glass before setting it down and continuing. “I’ll be brief. I pride myself on having a high attention to detail, but even a blind man can see you making eyes with our dear Inquisitor.”
> 
> Solas winced.
> 
> “No no! Do not deny it, Solas. To be honest, I don’t know what she sees in you – but she does see you, my dear. So I would like to take it upon myself to tell you to hurry along with that before our handsome Templar sweeps her off her feet as he’s already begun to do so.”
> 
> He tried to interject but she waved him off.
> 
> “Earlier this afternoon, I saw her give a quite unexpected gift to him in the form of a chess board. A quite expensive chess board…”
> 
> “What the Inquisitor chooses to spend her money on is not my concern, Vivienne. And I ---“
> 
> “My dear, it is rude to interrupt. Let me finish. I can see this being a very distracting time for our leader. She is not as savvy as I to pick up on your sweet faces or touches. My guess is, she has no inclination of your returned feelings for her. Start on that soon, darling. I’d hate to see her with the wrong man.” She took the glass of red wine to her mouth and made the motion of cheers in Solas’s direction. 
> 
> “Pray tell, why do you feel it is necessary or any of your business to tell me to pursue Lavellan? I don’t take you for a romantic or taking the time do this upon good will selflessly.” There was no denying his feelings for the Inquisitor at this point, but he also didn’t trust Vivienne.
> 
> “Solas, darling… who ever said anything about me doing this selflessly? I have my reasons.” She winked her left eye and smirked.
> 
> “And I just like to eavesdrop.” A voice called from behind. Dorian stood in the doorway with a wide grin on his face. Solas exhaled loudly as he pinched the bridge in his nose.

“Thank you, Solas. I – I’m glad I can count on you to have no judgement. It’s good to… not that Josephine and Cassandra aren’t dear friends but… I appreciate, from man to man, to call you a friend.”

And now, Solas’s conscious was tearing away at him. He could see the true hurt and torture Cullen must have been struggling with internally. The two were just about to part ways in the foyer when Lavellan made her way down the stairs hurriedly.

“Oh! I didn’t expect to see the two of you up so early!” She beamed at the two of them. On the outside, she was all smiles, while on the inside, she felt like vomiting.

_Creators, you are punishing me for being fickle. I know it. Right then, focus on what matters – like… the fate of the world for example._

The two smiled at her – each with their own charm; Cullen with his doe-eyed expression, and Solas with a bittersweet face.

“I can’t leave Val Royeaux faster… I’m so glad we’re heading back to Skyhold. Leliana told me the carriers are ready when we are. I can’t wait to sleep for an eternity!” She continued as she tried to break the silence between all three. Lavellan rummaged through the bag of clothes she was carrying and mentally counted all her articles of clothing as she made sure she didn’t leave anything behind.

“Yes, Inquisitor,” Cullen finally said and looked down and then to Solas.

“I’ll leave you both be. Thank you for the pleasant morning.” The two exchanged polite smiles.

“I hope to thank you properly soon, Inquisitor.”

Lavellan’s eyes stayed upon Cullen until he was out of sight in the room. She thought he looked prince-like and she imagined how things would have been different if he hadn’t joined the Inquisition.

_If he hadn’t been a Templar… Would his eyes be softer? His smile gentler? And how much more so? He is already so perfect the way he is._

Solas offered his arm. “Shall we?” Lavellan nodded enthusiastically.

_And yet._

“Did you gather all your things, Solas? I wouldn’t want you to leave anything behind! I hope I didn’t impose too much on the Duchess with my request for a bag… I think Dorian set it on fire. He said I shouldn’t be seen holding anything sheep skinned. I don’t think he understands elves don’t care so much for fashion. We both don’t really – right? Oh! I didn’t mean to say you don’t look well, you look _very_ well… in clothing… I suppose you’d look handsome without any. Shall I stop? ” Lavellan rattled on going off tangents to save her embarrassing comments and Solas treasured every moment.


	7. Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric realizes something new about the Seeker. Lavellan and Solas realize each other.

"Glad to see me, Seeker?" Cassandra turned around to see Varric making his way towards her training corner. Cicadas chirped in the late summer heat. The return from Val Royeaux left Varric and company eager to see their friends back home. The general condescension from the citizens and merchants of the city could only be taken so much.

"What do you want?" She continued practicing her strikes with the dummy doll in front of her.

"Ouch! A little icy this morning are we?” The dwarf looked around before inching closer to the warrior. “So are you done with the last chapter yet?”

Cassandra spun around and dropped her sword as she ran up to Varric. No matter how hard she tried to conceal it, he could see right through her heavy plated façade and into the romantic starry-eyed girl she really was.

"It's just my second draft but the general story is there. I’m working on the next chapter as we speak.” It escaped his attention that Cassandra had already swiped the manuscript right off his hands and wasn’t listening to him anymore. She was too busy flipping through the pages as she sat against a stump.

“Now, Seeker, what do you say?” He mocked in a motherly tone. She cast her eyes on him and stood up suddenly. The rogue took a step back, unsure of what she was going to say… or do next.

“Thank you, Varric… I’ve – I’ve been too hard on you as of late. And…” She turned away and from Varric’s line of sight, he thought she either could be slightly blushing or the sun was just radiating her natural glow.

“I’m glad to call you a friend.” She turned away as she held the pages inches from her face and sat back down. Varric was dumbfounded and for once in his life, he couldn’t figure out anything biting to say. The statement left him so humbled that all he could do was grunt in response and head back towards the hall.

 _Well, that’s a first._ He thought to himself. On his way up the stairs, Blackwall came down and nodded in his direction. Sera came following hurriedly and jumped on his back.

“You ain’t gon’ escape me this time, Beardy!” Her tiny hands latched onto his quilted armor. Blackwall gave out hearty laugh.

“Beardy? Very original. I’ll have to think up of one for you then. Let’s have a go at the taverns then – I suppose you’ve won this bet.” The two went on laughing until they reached the tavern’s door.

Varric smiled at the sight but then turned his attention to Cassandra in the distance. She didn’t even look up at the ruckus that the warrior and elf had ensued. He thought about what she had told the Inquisitor early on when the two had both spoken about their pasts. Cassandra had thought aloud to her about what might have become of her had her brother not died, had she not joined the Seekers, had she not discovered the plot by the blood mages those many years ago. Would she have been a wife? Never seeing battle? Would she have been a mother by now? It was then that it finally clicked in his head just how much those stories meant to her.

If the women soldiers in his story found love, why couldn’t she? For once in Varric’s life, he felt genuine empathy for the Seeker. He hadn’t noticed just how long he had been gazing off at her until her eyes met his from the distance. Instead of her natural response of a grunt, she merely resituated herself so that her back was looking at him instead.

“Admiring the view?” Lavellan called down to Varric from Vivienne’s balcony.

“Just processing some stuff. Shouldn’t you be asleep?” He took a few steps down to get a better look above.

Lavellan held her face with both her hands and a smug grin. She raised her eyebrow at his deflection. “Ah, hit a sore spot did I?”

A voice from behind her called. “Darling, are you quite finished pestering the star crossed lovers?” The two laughed in unison with Varric shaking his head and making his way back to his post.

_I’m too old for this shit._

“She believes it, too. Can’t keep crossing the lines. Will it ever be for me again?” Cole appeared underneath the table next to Varric. By now, Varric knew better than to ask what he meant.

“Kid, come up from underneath there. You really got to eat something… you’re starting to look pale… r than usual.” Cole saw through his act, however. He knew Varric was uncomfortable talking about Cassandra.

“Maybe both can heal the hurt.” He paused then looked directly into the dwarf’s eyes. “Those who follow the stone path can never see the mountain top.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Varric huffed as he led him to the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

Lavellan woke before the sun. The sky had just begun radiating silvery blue as she made her way to the courtyard, careful not to wake anyone. She could hear the Chantry sisters humming in unison in the garden as they began their morning rituals.

“It’s a habit of ours to meet before dawn breaks.” Solas was sitting cross legged on an unused training bench. He had just finished eating a cluster of grapes he picked and tossed the remains onto the ground.

“Do sit if you wish.” He gestured next to him.

“I haven’t been able to get a good night’s rest since I heard from Leliana’s report for Duke Jerome.” She plopped onto the bench and ran both her hands through her hair.

“I was certain it would be no problem. We’ve tracked down Venatori, lyrium mines, Templars… how is it that a young girl and her beau elude us so?” She sounded exasperated.

Solas looked up towards the main hall and hummed in acknowledgement, unsure of what to say to ease her troubles. In the grand scheme of things, this wasn’t something that should be of top priority, but he admired her dedication to each and every one of her promises.

“Leliana’s agents will find them. You need not worry, Inquisitor.”

_Or else I’ll send mine to find them. For you…_

“I know I shouldn’t. I am a poor fit to be a leader, truth be told. I worry about everything really.” She softly laughed as if trying to make light of her heavy comment.

“You are a perfect leader for that very reason, Lavellan.”

She brought her knees to her chest trying to ease that burning feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Are you alright?” He placed his palm on the small of her back, the sensation of which made her straighten her back. Such an intimate touch.

“Ah… yes. Just a little tired, I suppose.” Eager to shift the conversation, she turned to face him.

“What were you like before the Inquisition, Solas? I know Cassandra asked you before, but that was early on… and now that you seem to trust us more, maybe you could share a little more? I know your encounters with the Dalish were none to pleasant.”

With his hand still resting on her back, he thought for a second.

“I was just wandering and searching for truths. Not directionless by any means. Not all my encounters with the Dalish have been unsatisfying – just a majority. Some were willing to listen and learn from my teachings – I’ve kept in contact with them. Most of my time was searching through the Fade in various places.”

Without thinking she asked unexpectedly, “How old are you?”

The question caught both of them by surprise. Her face deepened to a darker shade of red, but she maintained her expression.

 _You asked this question, now you’re going to stick through it, idiot._ She berated herself internally.

He blinked before laughing softly and drew himself closer. “Is there a wrong answer?”

Their faces were much closer than she had ever anticipated getting.

“No, why… would… there… be?”

Without breaking eye contact, he whispered, “I believe that’s… your choosing.”

Every inch of her wanted to thrust herself on to him and passionately kiss the lips so daringly close to her, but she was frozen in fear. Something in him frightened her to an extent that she couldn’t even form a response.

“Ser?”

The two elves jumped in unison and looked in the direction the voice was coming from.

“Uh…we’re beginning training now.” Krem was red faced and appeared sorrowful. At first, Lavellan couldn’t comprehend why. Other than the slight interruption of a potential intimate moment, there was nothing too sad about the distraction. As she stood to move away from the training courtyard, the reflection of sun against a shield temporarily blinded her and when she looked up to find the source, she caught sight of Cullen holding his shield. He was purposely looking away from her with his hand rubbing his neck as he shouted commands to his trainees.

At the same time, Solas had also looked in the direction of Cullen. A wave of guilt rushed through him. Though they had never discussed explicitly of Cullen’s feelings for the Inquisitor, they both silently acknowledged what and who Cullen was referring to in their discussion at Val Royeaux.

There was only one thing on their minds when they parted ways:

_Shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this time! I'm in the middle of a move and only have time to write during my breaks at work. Stay tuned for more!


	8. Oh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter again! Setting up for a longer one with more development! Apologies for any grammar or spelling errors, it was done quite fast, I'll be editing it again later in the week.

All at once, she sat up on her bed in a rush. Cold sweat ran through the spine of her back. Was it real? Lavellan ran her hands through her face and sat at the edge of her bed. The images flooded through her mind as she tried to make sense of it all.

_“That’s a matter of debate… Probably best discussed after you… wake up.”_

Those were the last words she heard before she appeared back in her bedroom in Skyhold. The familiar surroundings that were once Haven vanished into wisps. She brushed her finger tips against her lips.

_Was that real? Was it all a dream?_

She heard a knock at the door suddenly.

“Ser? The council has called for you… they’re in the war room.” The maid’s muffled voice called from the other side of the door.

“Ah – yes. I’ll be with them shortly. Thank you.” She threw on her fall ensemble, scarf and riding boots and walked quickly down the steps.

 _I suppose I’ll have time to figure it all out later. Work first…_ She stopped briefly when she suddenly remembered the encounter a few days ago. She hadn’t spoken to Cullen or Solas since that morning. In fact, most of her time was spent in her room until the previous evening when she mustered up the courage to talk to Solas again. Everything was a blur from there – yet she knew exactly what had happened between the two.

A kiss.

Lavellan reached the double doors to the war room and could hear a faint conversation from the other side. She dreaded seeing Cullen’s face because she knew all too well her face would betray her and flush red instantly.

 _Men should not be a priority right now. There’s too much hanging on me being fully committed to this Inquisition. Swallow your embarrassment and naivety for once in your damn life!_ With one large inhale she pushed the doors open

“Morning, everyone. I trust we all slept well?” Lavellan held arms across her back simulating confidence.

“Yes, thank you, Inquisitor. Shall we begin?” Ambassador Montilyet appeared frazzled as she directed everyone’s attention to the map.

The rest of the meeting went along smoothly as Lavellan’s uneasiness was distracted by the various missions presented. Everyone seemed calm and cooperative despite Josephine’s sometimes dazed expressions. Lavellan wondered what distracted the young Antivan. As they were coming to a close on divvying up assignments, Leliana’s raven flew in from the window with a note. The spymaster glanced at it before setting it on the table.

“Inquisitor, it appears your clan is in need of some attention.” Before Leliana could even complete her sentence, Lavellan snatched it up and read it quickly.

“Would it be troublesome to discuss this last mission for the day? My Keeper would not go out of her way to contact me…”

_Given that she’s already very upset I haven’t written her since Haven…_

“Not at all, Inquisitor. What seems to be the problem?” It wasn’t like Cullen was being curt or rude, but his formality came across as cold to Lavellan. She thought she might just be sensitive since this was the first she heard of her clan. Each advisor gave their opinion and while she usually trusted Josephine for her most delicate matters, her disposition earlier that morning led her to believe she might have different matters on her head that could cloud judgement.

“Leliana, if you would?” She nodded in the spymaster’s direction.

As they made their way out of the room, the two lady advisors murmured among themselves as they walked in front of Cullen and Lavellan. She saw Leliana place a hand on Josephine’s shoulder in reassurance.

“Inquisitor?” Cullen walked slower as he turned his gaze downwards to meet the petite elf.

Slightly distracted by the sight of Josephine she responded, “Hm?”

“I hope all is well… I - I have not seen you in a few days, and I pray we are not overburdening you with your assignments. Do not feel as though you are obligated to take twice as many assignment as us… You are the one going into the field. I know how much preparation it takes to plan and map your way about.” She didn’t realize it but as she was following Cullen’s lead, they were heading towards the rotunda to get to his office. As he opened the door, a light breeze caressed their face.

Lavender.

There it was again. That scent that would come every now and then in her bedroom. When she looked ahead, she saw Solas with his sleeves rolled up and an apron on. He was looking downwards at his paint palette and looked up when he heard footsteps approach him. Her eyes met his briefly before he cast them downwards again towards the paint.

“I thank you for your concern, Cullen. I’m quite alright…” She hesitated to continue until they made their way outside into the battlements. The Commander sighed softly.

“Perhaps you could use a break then? Join me for a game of chess this afternoon. I’ve been meaning put the new one to good use…”

“I’d be delighted, Cullen.”

He made his way back to his office with a huge smile on his face.

 _Perhaps I was mistaken about what I saw, h_ e thought to himself.

Cole appeared next to Lavellan suddenly. His hands clutched the brim of his hat and he sounded like he was panting quietly.

“Is everything alright, Cole?” She touched his shoulder and rubbed it slightly.

“He thinks of thrashing, thrusting, the throbbing – it is making me feel odd. It’s making me see you how he sees you.” The spirit’s face was blushing pink as he sat down to hold his shins. Lavellan knew exactly what he meant. What she didn’t know was who he was referring to.

“Cole, don’t go into people’s heads anymore… Cullen wouldn’t appreciate that.” Her voice was barely a whisper. Indeed, there was something inside her that wanted to know more.

“Not Cullen.”

“Oh.” Now she didn’t know what to do. If she made her way back inside, she would make it very obvious that Cole had just shared something personal… but the only other way was Cullen’s quarters – which would be odd given that she just saw him.

_Only one thing to do then._

She jumped off the ledge and into a pile of hay while the women around her gasped in fright.


	9. Kindness and Cruelty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian offers Lavellan friendly advice on her romantic predicaments, while Solas almost blows his cover when Leliana runs into one of his agent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is my first longer chapter in a while and I believe the longest within the story itself. The last few were written to provide a base to my character that shows she is painfully growing a backbone. Please give me any and all feedback on her character development and the realism of the portrayals of Cullen and Solas.
> 
> Thanks! <3

Autumn had reached its peak at Skyhold at last with leafs of red, brown, and orange filtering down on the walkways and and grounds. Cole looked downwards at the crowds of vendors from the unused tower. Lavellan had mentioned to him previously that they would begin construction on the Mage Tower after a few more items were collected. Since there was no estimate on when that would be, Cole traveled to the top as often as he could.

"I like being here. Here is nice." Cole was speaking to himself mostly, but he knew another was close by and could hear him. 

"How long will they stay?" The apparition of an elven child appeared next to the rogue. Cole didn't turn to look; he knew what was beside him. A spirit could not frighten a spirit.

"I don't know... but you should not show yourself, Love. They don't understand." He pressed his eyelids together and tensed his body up. "They hide in the night. Hoping, hearing, hissing..." He gasped at his realization again. "They cannot understand." 

"She can." The spirit leaned her body against the ledge and pointed forward. her finger led to the direction of the Inquisitor who had just landed on the hay stack. The women around her shrieked in fright. In the distance, Cole could hear her muffled laugh and pardons to the ladies.

"I know... but he would not like it. And _HE_ would not want it." Cole's expression turned somber and grim. He knew she was right, but as Cole began to indulge in the human world, often his new emotions and experiences would cloud his purer judgments.

"I am not Lust, Compassion. I'm still new - like you. _HE_ will not interfere with me or... him." 

Cole was losing his patience - something that rarely happened. He could not risk Love overstepping Solas's request, he lowered his head and was ready to do all that was necessary to respect it. Love saw the confliction in his silver eyes. She sat back down on the gravel and looked up at Cole.

"In Love there is Truth. You are forgetting our virtues... Fine. I am fine here. I will watch. I will wait. But..." She started to fade slowly. 

"They will want."

The boy knew what she was referring to and it made him uneasy. Corypheus was the main task at hand, but he knew that even with his demise came more threats. Threats closer to home. He looked down at the people again as they laughed and spoke amongst each other. He could hear the voices of Cullen and Josephine below him discussing the Mage Tower construction. The Chargers were merrily singing about the defeat of the last dragon as they made their way towards the tavern. Blackwall and Sera were both laughing at one of Varric's enthusiastic tales in the barn below. Cole smiled and made a promise.

_I will not let them suffer._

* * *

 Finding Duke Jerome's daughter was becoming more complicated than she originally thought. Leliana, herself, was somewhat befuddled with trying to find the young girl though she kept her outward appearance calm and collected. 

"It is rather unusual. Almost as if they disappeared into thin air. Cullen's contact with King Alistair's forces have been in vain. At least they confirm that he, too, has vanished." Leliana spread bird seed on the ledge of the battlements outside her aviary. A few ravens made their way  over, pecking and fighting with each other over food. Lavellan held her head in frustration as the other arm clutched her midsection. 

"This is embarrassing. I never go back on my word. But even still, now we risk looking like fools unable to track down a couple of teenagers!"

Leliana frowned but did not disagree. She knew the Inquisitor did not mean to insult her spies. In truth, she was debating with herself internally about what she could reveal to the Inquisitor. While the elf had proven herself to be a formidable force, she was also too soft by Leliana's standards.

_She is much too sweet to know that not every situation can be dealt with peacefully. I will deal with the matter myself._

"I need to take a walk. I know this is not a priority assignment at the moment, but it means a great deal to me." Lavellan headed towards the staircase and down to Dorian's library post. The mage had already been waiting for her to enter as he had just heard Leliana's entire report as well. Leliana nodded and made her way all the way down the stairs and exited the rotunda.

Lavellan heaved a deep sigh and grumbled as she slumped into the chair defeated.

"Hard day, I take it?" Dorian looked concerned for his dear friend, and he knew nothing he could say would help alleviate her stress.

She hung her head and muttered out, "Am I a bad leader?" Her tiny hands covered her face.

"Come now, what kind of question is that? On numerous occasions, you've done the impossible! Not many can say they faced death in the face and then let out the sassiest line. 'You expect me to fight, but that's not why I kept you talking.' Hah! I'm sure Varric has written that down somewhere already." He looked at her for her reaction. When he saw she still hadn't looked up, he knelt down next to her.

Gently, he stroked her hand and he could feel her trying to muffle out her quiet sobbing. It was just barely audible, but he could hear the pain in her voice. 

"There, there now." Dorian surrounded his arms around the petite elf. For a few minutes, he held her in silence not uttering a word and rocked her softly. After awhile, Lavellan released her face to reveal her reddened eyes. Her head shot up when she remembered Solas's office was beneath Dorian's. Her eyes looked down towards the rotunda and she sighed when she couldn't find the elf. 

"He's not here, right?" She held her hand over her mouth with the other gripping Dorian's arm. Her eyes plead with him to be subtle.

The mage already knew Solas left a few hours ago to investigate "more tomes". He gave Lavellan a sly grin and whispered, "He is not."

* * *

 Elsewhere, Solas was dusting off a few texts from the hidden library below Skyhold. The room had been cleaned considerably compared to Lavellan's first visit, but the top shelves were still covered in cobwebs and the Veil was thin. He needed to be sure there was nothing too revealing for anyone to get their hands on. 

"A little dusty to be resting here, no?"

Solas turned around and saw the spymaster before him with her hands held behind her back. She did not come here for mere greetings he could tell. Gauging by her posture, she was ready to attack if need be. 

"It is why I am cleaning, Sister. Some of these texts could provide useful information to my research." 

_What could she want? I've been careful._

"As much as I do love dancing, I will avoid it with my words on this occasion. There is a matter that has me concerned. And it... concerns you." The dim lights of the candles cast a shadow and her piercing blue eyes were the only visible features on her face.

"By all means. Pray tell, what could have led you to think of me as a threat so much you had to surround the hall with your men?"

Leliana smirked. "Very impressive, Solas. But I fear this does not help your case." She nodded behind her and entered the library further. "You see, it just so happens that my agents _have_ found a few clues as to the disappearance of the Duke's daughter and lover." 

Solas outwardly feigned confusion and annoyance. In truth, after the first failed attempt by Leliana's agents in finding the girl, he became impatient and sent one of his own to track them down. The spy he sent was a newcomer and although incredibly savvy, she still had not received her proper training. Solas, at the time, allowed her to go in place of another more experienced agent who was busy on another mission with the reasoning that it would be good experience for the young elf.

Though he tried to deny it internally, the main reasoning was of Lavellan's recent absence from visiting him. She had spent much of her time in her room working on assignments and mapping. Silently, he would tell himself he needed the girl closer to study her mark more closely - but these were lies.

_A simple enough task that can be solved quite easily. It's no loss to me finding a duchess and her lover._

Flashes of memories from a few days ago: Their walk through the Fade. Her gentle touch. The kiss... And then seeing her walk through his room with Cullen.

"I have yet to see where this concerns me," was his curt response.

"I sent my second round of spies to track the girl down after they learned that the Ferelden army had also reported the boy missing. My agents had heard word of a young couple hiking out in the oasis of the Western Approach. When they arrived at the proposed location and went to capture them - they saw another was already tying them up. In the scuffle that ensued, the couple escaped. My agents killed the girl but not before she revealed something interesting."

He acted on impulse by sending a new spy to retrieve the girl and the rash decision cost the elf her life. 

 _Not yet, I need more time._ Solas could feel the sweat dripping down his back, but outwardly he remained collected. 

"The girl muttered something in Elven and unfortunately, those I had sent were unfamiliar with the majority of what she said. What they do know, is that she uttered the name 'Solas'. Now, I know what you are thinking: Solas means 'pride' and... she could have been cursing their names." She brought her hands in front of her. 

"However, a number of things led me to believe there was a probability that it was more than just a mere coincidence. First, my agents had reported that the young girl was using a similar style of magic that you use, none of the nearby Dalish clans recognized the body, and with her she carried..." She pulled something out of her pocket and hung it in front of him. It was a wolf's jawbone necklace... almost identical to his own. "It seems as though she was sent by someone else. I hope you can offer some explanations or else... an insight."

 _Good. Nothing solid._ Inwardly, he heaved a sigh of relief. 

"I can offer a few, yes. Firstly, did it occur to you the names of the locations nearby in which you found this 'elf'? The Temple of Solasan is located just north of the lake. With the Orlesian army moving closer and closer to sacred Elven temples, I suspect she might have been from a clan that previously inhabited the area - I'm sure she was trying to protect the ruins... Especially from 'shems'." He pretended to think slowly about his next response and ran his fingers across the pages of a nearby open book.

"Secondly, the magic of the Fade has been around longer than even I and every mage has the ability to master similar techniques. By your description, it seems this girl was obviously skilled enough to distract your agents for long enough for the lovers to escape. She might have learned it as I have - on her own. And lastly, Sister, I bought this necklace from a Dalish merchant not but a summer ago. Wolves have always symbolized strength and cleverness to me - but if you'd like, I can give you the approximate location of the vendor in which I last saw him."

Leliana's face softened slightly but her guard was still up. There was very little she knew of Solas and any information he had offered could neither be confirmed or denied. Still, she decided for the moment to drop the accusations and had figured her hostility was contributed to everything that had happened the last several months.

"My apologies, Solas. My intentions were pure if you can believe that. I only do what I believe is best for the Inquisition." 

"For the Inquisition or your Inquisitor?" He furrowed his eyebrows questioningly. 

"Perhaps it is both. She reminds me a great deal of a very young and foolish version of myself - getting too tangled up in emotions with missions. And..." She turned to face the door. "It is no secret that we know very little of you, Solas. And she is investing quite a bit of time with you. I would not have her get too close to you without truly testing your character."

"Have I not proven myself? I've told you all you've needed to know about me." He turned away continuing  to dust off the books. "Forgive me. You are doing what is necessary... and I respect that."

The two stood in the room with their backs facing each other for a few more moments before Leliana exited the room quietly neither acknowledging or denying his statement. When the door clicked shut, Solas let out a quiet sigh.  _  
_

* * *

The doors below the two mages clanked open from the battlements' side. 

"Hello, up there!" A voice called from underneath the mages. Cullen's voice was almost like a song to Lavellan as she perked up and leaned over the railing.

"Hello, Commander! What pulls you away from your desk this afternoon?" There was a teasing in her voice that made Dorian smile. Little did the Commander know that in one simple greeting, the Inquisitor's spirits soared.

 "I've good news to share, if you would join me this afternoon in the gardens? I'm running to a meeting with a few Ferelden generals." His amber eyes glistened as he looked up. To Lavellan, they reminded her of honey droplet beads she'd use for her tea.

"I'd be delighted to, Cullen. I'm intrigued to hear what you have to share."

He chuckled softly and looked as though he was about to say something until one of his scouts called for him. With that he nodded, and made his way out. Lavellan stayed in her dreamy eyed expression for a few seconds longer before turning to Dorian who already had a smug grin slapped on his face.

"Well, well. So the rumors  _are_ true, then. I hadn't taken Vivienne for a liar... though she is rather deceitful..." He twirled his mustache as he waited for her response. The look on her face was a blend of confusion, annoyance, and surprise. 

"What rumors? What did Vivienne say?"

"Only that you gifted something rather sweet and intimate to our dear Commander while on our trip at Val Royeaux. I was... rather surprised. I'd always assumed you fancied our dear apostate beggar. What with you always paying your visits, those dreadful conversations about the Fade which I daresay you aren't even entirely interested in... if only to hear his voice a second longer." Dorian leaned against the bookcase and assessed the guilt and humiliation on her face.

"You're so young," he softly said. It wasn't said in a disgusted tone nor with pity. He was saying this to remind himself not to tease her so harshly as the rest. She straightened herself and sat up trying her best to look more confident.

"I'll have you know I'm a quarter of a century old, First of my clan, and leading a band of misfits to save the world." She crossed her arms and held her head high. "But... I've not yet dealt with matters of the heart or men at all really until being part of this." Before Dorian could offer anything to say, she continued.

"In truth, our clan did not have many men my age that were not already betrothed or married off and I would have probably been expected to be on my own as a leader." She slouched against the arm of the chair. "They both are so charming in their own way and I know, I mean I suspect, Cullen returns those feelings. I am not blind, but..." She looked downwards to Solas's table.

Dorian pretended to look through a book he had just picked up and paused. "You know, sometimes being too kind is rather cruel, don't you think? Or do you fancy _him_ as well? I don't fault you for desiring both to be honest... Solas is a good man. He's a sort of passion that is rare and you would be a fool not to find Cullen charming... aside from being the second more gorgeous person here."

"Are you the first?" Lavellan laughed.

"But of course! Who else?"

"Well, given your current infatuation with The Iron Bull - I thought you'd had to have put him on some sort of a pedestal."

Dorian turned scarlet red and stammered out a few scoffs.

"Oh no you don't! Don't you try to distract from the original conversation. Listen, my friend, right now the fate of the world is resting on your shoulders... on your decisions. You're changing things - "

Lavellan remembered her visit in the Fade with Solas from the night before.

_"You change... everything."_

"Choose one or none at all - but you'd better let the other go gracefully. Or... don't lead either on until you've made up your mind. Neutrality is key!" He could hear Solas entering from the room below and he raised his voice.

"Now! Who's up for some drinks at the tavern?"

"I thought you hated the drinks there?" Lavellan cocked her head to the side and realized Solas had just entered. Her eyes followed him as he gazed at his murals again, probably planning out what else to paint. 

"Yes - well. I promised someone I'd meet them for a few round of cards and -"

"Oh! You want me to be a third wheel on your date with Bull?"

"Hush you! You'll be the end of me."

The two stared at each other before breaking into a laughing fit. 

 


	10. But Beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen tells something to Lavellan that has her overjoyous.

The sunlight kissed his left cheek as it began to set. Commander Cullen was not worried that Lavellan would forget their meeting, he knew her all too well by now to know that she was merely terrible at keeping time. In truth, he was content with the extra time he received to polish his new chess set. Being a man with timed patience, however, he began to set and reset his chessboard as a few more moments passed by. Rustling and the sound of branches crackling came from behind him and when he stood to turn around, he saw Lavellan making her way towards him in her autumn attire. Her scarlet scarf came up just barely revealing her collarbone and her stone grey vest matched her eyes at this time of day. With her she carried a basket full of fruits and pastries and from what Cullen could see, she had already indulged herself with a few.

"Apologies for my delay! I lost track of time... so unlike me I know. I brought a few snacks in case we get hungry and since it is so close to dinner time." She songfully sighed as she sat down. The sight of her filled him with anxiety and excitement - there was no denying it now: he loved her.

 _But how can I so soon? I've not known her but just under a year. And we've not been in close companionship in quite some time - how can I feel this way?_  

Her eyes shot up when she realized Cullen was still standing.

"Something wrong, Commander?"

"No, Inquisitor. Apologies, I - I was just making sure the scouts left their posts. Ah! It seems they have." Patting the sides of his thighs, he took his seat across from Lavellan. As she laid out a few pastries and fruits on the space next to the chess board, he stuttered his next few words.

"The weather is... quite nice for this time of year, is it not?"

She hummed in acknowledgment as she absent mindedly looked to her left and smiled at what appeared to be nothing. In that moment he knew her mind was distracted elsewhere.

"So what kept you busy this afternoon?"

Lavellan's eyes brightened.

"I met briefly with Solas on a few items of discovery from our last travels. One thing led to another and well his conversations tend to be long-winded but truly interesting! He was recounting his experience on staying with a village almost entirely made up of dwarven merchants and -" She chortled briefly and covered her mouth. "how he never felt more like a giant. Not many truly experience his dry humor..." 

Cullen's posture and expression deflated somewhat.

He began to piece things together in his head. Though it was common knowledge that her visits to Solas's study were frequent, he had thought them purely for educational purposes - to learn more about mastering her mark's magic and harnessing the power for sealing rifts. It was clear now that these meetings were more than just student and teacher congregations. Then he recalled his conversation with Solas at Val Royeaux - speaking with Lavellan late into the night. And of course, when he caught them looking so closely into each other's eyes so very early in the morning - were they lovers? His grip on a chess piece he held loosened.

"Ah, yes, he has quite a few stories to share." He cleared his throat before taking a bite of bright red strawberry.

"Well now! What news were you so eager to tell me?" Lavellan's smile made Cullen's stomach turn into knots. In his mind, she would consent as he leaned over and crashed his lips upon hers. In his mind, she would have him. 

But these were things he kept in the deep recesses of his mind, for he was not a man of fortune, rank, or... stability. 

"Only the best news, but I pray you will not leave me here with a set chessboard begging to be played?" 

 "Oh, I'm honored! Am I the first to play on this board with you?" When he nodded happily - and perhaps too excitedly, she continued, "Let us begin then!" She winked as she moved her first piece forward.

"Come now! We hadn't yet decided who was going first. Most unladylike! But I suppose I'll give you this advantage since it is I who will be victor at any rate." He cocked his eyebrows and gave her a smug grin. The sight of this raised Lavellan's blood pressure. His confidence and cocky attitude excited her.

"Not only is it 'ladies first', but may I remind you that I am the 'Herald of Andraste' and mighty 'Inquisitor'?" They both shared a warm laugh at her mocking voice when repeating her titles.

They carried on with the game while intermittently exchanging jabs at one another.

* * *

"Do you love her?"

Solas's eyes widened and he turned on his heel to meet the eyes of the Tevinter mage. The Chantry sisters and Inquisition staff that regularly studied in the second floor were away at dinner as most people dismissed themselves in the early evenings. The only people Solas could tell were around was Dorian and himself - though he assumed Leliana to be listening in closely.

"I beg your pardon?" A lazy way to buy himself more time, but nonetheless it DID buy him more time to think over his thoughts.

"Oh, Solas - do not take me for a fool. I know you must think so little of me, but I care not with what you think on the manner of myself. I come here to discuss your feelings for my dear friend, whom I've come to... care a great deal for." The elf had only seen Dorian's face this grim since he heard word of his father through Lavellan. They were planning to meet with him during their next visit to the Hinterlands.

"I assume you are referring to our Inquisitor. I won't mock your intelligence." His face softened as he sat down. "Yes, I care for her a great deal." 

"Caring a great deal is not to be in love, Solas. I care for her a great deal, Varric cares for a great deal, Cassandra... the whole team cares for her. I'm asking if you love her." He inched his way closer to Solas with his arms crossed and chin pointed upwards.

"Your interest with this does not concern me. She knows where I stand."

"Obviously not or I would have been the first to hear about it." Dorian's quick follow up caught Solas by surprise. The elf pinched the bridge of his nose and then looked into the grey green eyes of the younger mage.

"Yes." A simple answer. He wished not to elaborate on the matter further, but the word slipping from his mouth felt foreign. It was the confirmation he so badly tried to deny within himself. His memory of the first time he laid his eyes on her was that of judgement and partial disgust.

_A Dalish with the mark. My mark. The irony that it goes to one part of a culture that so badly tries to replicate what they know so little of and what I wish to restore._

To see now how far they've come, made him rethink everything he thought of this world. Had he misjudged them so much? His eyes darted back and forth between his quill and the tome on his desk.

"That's all I wanted to know." Dorian's eyes looked melancholy and Solas wondered why that would be if he had just declared his love for Lavellan.

"I hope we can become better friends, Solas. I do admire you though you make think very little of me being Tevinter and all."

"I do not think little of you because you are from Tevinter, Dorian. I think little of you because of your constant goading and narcissism." He smirked and then raised an eyebrow as he picked his quill up to continue his notes.

Dorian gave him a crooked smile and nodded. "It's not narcissism if it's the truth. I'll see you at the barn later tonight, I take it? Blackwall's been meaning to reclaim his pride."

 

* * *

"You've gotten better but -" Cullen reached over the board and moved his pawn forward, checkmating Lavellan's King in a corner. "You slipped." Lavellan restudied the board and after confirming that it indeed was a good move, she chirped out a light laugh. The table was covered in pastries and fruit scraps... all mostly on Lavellan's side. Cullen had spent the majority of the time picking away at a piece of strawberry cake and even throughout their entire game, he had only gone through a fourth of it. Cullen would laugh every time she would make an excuse about the next piece of food she'd put in her mouth.

"Ha ha! So I have. Well, I suppose I wouldn't have it any other way - that's why I trust you with our military plans and all. I didn't want to discourage your abilities, might be one of the reasons why I let you have this one."

The Commander let out a genuine scoffing laugh. 

"Ah is that so? What might be the other reasons?"

Her gaze to him was warm and as the sun began to finally settle downwards, revealing a pink glow in the distance, her eyes almost appeared silver in color.

"Those I'll keep to myself." The confidence in her voice surprised even Lavellan as much as it did Cullen. Though from time to time she had been known to quip out a few dry quick-witted lines, she was never one to openly flirt - at least not intentionally. 

Cullen chuckled nervously as he scratched his neck.

"Well, I suppose I've kept you in suspense for long enough. I wanted to share with you rather splendid news."

"Of course! I almost forgot! What _splendid_ news do you have for me?" She reached over and picked at the pastry she previously selected.

"In a few days, I am sure we will be hearing Duke Jerome's praises and thanks."

"Oh! You've found them!" She pressed her palms against the table and leaned forward, completely engrossed in whatever he was about to say.

"Indeed I have. Well... not me specifically... some of my recruits found them wandering just off one of our bases, and apparently appeared disheveled and dehydrated but all the same in good health overall. I haven't even told Leliana or Josephine that I've found them - I wanted you to be the first to hear of it." His blush and gentle smile said it all. He didn't have to say it aloud, for she knew why he had wanted to impress her.

After some moments of pause, she held out her petite hands to clasp his right gloved hand. 

"I know this was just but a small task of the many I ask of you on a daily basis - but this means so much to me. To know that I can rely on you to do what almost seemed impossible... You're such a good friend and... you haven't an idea really... and, well, I just wanted to say -" She leaned in a bit further, the motion of which made Cullen hold his breath and tense his body. Could it be? Is she initiating what he had longed for? Even a gentle kiss on the cheek would be enough for him to be content for the rest of the month. 

"Commander! I've news -" A scout approached the two from the side and Lavellan quickly sat back down.

"WHAT?!" Cullen growled much louder than he thought. The scout could swear that if looks could kill, the Commander would have impaled him by just the fury in his eyes. He stepped back a few paces and looked at Lavellan who was clearly blushing and purposely looking the other way as if something to the side of her caught her attention.

"I - uh... it can wait. Excuse me!" With that he darted off to the battlements.

"I suppose I've pulled you from your post too long, Commander." Her voice was just above a whisper and she moved her hands away from his to hurriedly pick up the remaining fruit and pastry scraps to place in the basket.

"Wait - don't go just yet..." His desperate plea caused Lavellan to realize he had gotten up from his chair and made his way in front of hers. He knelt down in front of her and held her hand with both of his. The size difference was almost comical.

"Please... I'm anxious to hear what you were going to say." He knew he was embarrassing himself and he could risk that, too, if it meant that she reciprocated some feelings for him.

"Cullen, I... you must know that I do care for you but it wouldn't be fair of me to have you believe you are the only one I feel this way about..."

Admission. She was proud in this moment for though she wasn't as eloquent as she had envisioned someone like Vivienne's or even Leliana's response would be in a similar station, she explained herself well in her own right. Her discussion with Dorian made her realize that as a leader, and friend, she needed to be clear with her intentions - professional or personal.

Cullen's eyes were not hurt and his posture stayed the same.

 _She does feel the same way... and there is still a chance._ 

After a few seconds of silence, she heard him chuckle softly.

"Knowing you can have  _any_ sort of feeling beyond friendship is enough for me at this moment. I would not have you feel pressured to commit to anything in which you aren't ready - but at least you know where I stand with my feelings. Take the time you need and please know that I am here as a friend whenever you need me." He squeezed her hand a little more before letting go and slightly bowing.

"Inquisitor, I shall leave you be for now. I've a scout who is probably sure I'm going to lance him before the day's end." He rubbed the back of his neck and made his way towards the battlements. 

She heaved a sigh and relaxed her body completely before digging into Cullen's leftover cake.

 


	11. Indecisive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra and Lavellan open up to one another about their romantic side. Varric, Iron Bull and Solas talk about their fears of commitment.

"You're doing this to punish me for beating you at cards, aren't you?" Blackwall huffed as he began to pack a few things into his bags. Although he was mostly pouting teasingly, Lavellan knew he secretly meant it.

"Oh, come on, friend! She's not that bad... Dorian wanted to stay back after that... unpleasant visit with his father and Solas is helping Leliana with transcribing some elven notes... I needed another mage and Vivienne hasn't been on the field for awhile. She was getting bored. Give me a smile... Please!" Clasping her hands together and giving an exaggerated smile as she begged, Blackwall couldn't help but laugh at her silliness.

"How can I refuse that smile? Fine, fine... I'll try not to get into it with her. S'pose I should get on her good side after all... she'll be teaching the rest of us on _Orlesian_ etiquette." 

Blackwall reminded Lavellan of the Halamshiral ball next month. This was to be their last field operation before the event and she so dreaded looking forward to the dance lessons and linguistics classes. It wasn't so much that learning about Orlesian culture was uninteresting - it was her anxiety on looking like a fool in front of everyone while she tried to master the art of the Game.

_With Dorian and Cassandra, I don't mind looking ridiculous but if either of the men... saw me acting like an idiot..._

She shuddered inwardly and sighed. 

"I'll get Varric and we'll meet out by the bridge a quarter till... And please, smile!" 

Blackwall forced out a toothy smile most unlike him and chuckled.

Thinking about her last visit to Val Royeaux and the uncomfortable outfits she was forced to wear during her time made her uneasy. Clan Lavellan had been saved by Leliana's scouts, much to their chagrin, and were now close to Wycome. They had been used to traveling and uprooting themselves from time to time, but to have them rely on humans so much made her heart heavy. She couldn't bear to shame her family again by being presenting to the Orlesian court as some sort of assimilating "cultured" elf. 

"Rosy! Just the elf I was looking for!" Varric made his way down the steps of Skyhold's main entrance. 

"I was just looking for you as well! Are you ready?"

"Yeah, about that... I'm going to have to sit this one out. I'm waiting for... well I've heard word that an old friend of mine is paying me a visit sometime this week and I need to be here since they'll need safe passage. You'll be meeting with them when you return. I think they can help." For the first time ever, Varric actually looked to be blushing slightly and took on Cullen's infamous neck rub. 

"They?" Lavellan was disappointed to hear he wouldn't be joining her - she needed a rogue and even more so, she wanted a friendly distraction. Varric was never short on stories. Perhaps there was another part of her that also wanted to see Varric and Cassandra's relationship, if there was any, escalate a bit further as well... to hear that he might have someone else was upsetting to her on Cassandra's behalf.

"Yeah... he's an old friend... Anyways, you've got enough help with the rest of them." Varric looked around. "By the way, do me a favor and don't tell Seeker. She's wary of... well, everything... Oh and do me ANOTHER favor and please stop bringing back those damn lyrium shards. I know Sparkler wants to investigate them further, but you really shouldn't have them around Curly."

"Why should he care? Don't Templars typically take lyrium anyways?"

The dwarf gave her a sad look and shook his head slightly. "Ah, perhaps that's for a different time. Just... don't tell the Seeker about my guest." 

The rest of the team gave their goodbyes to the citizens of Skyhold and made their way forward to the Emerald Graves.

* * *

Cicada season. Because of course it was cicada season. Their song sounded like millions of warriors whistling and humming around the group as they trudged along the tall grass. Bruises and scrapes covered their exposed skin and their arrival to the base couldn't come sooner. 

"Two great bears, three rifts, and one..." Blackwall lifted his foot to reveal that he had been dragging a bear trap. Another cicada landed on his beard but after the several he has swatted away earlier, he paid no mind. "If they'd more of these things, we wouldn't be running into a damn bear every minute. We've already ran from three more to come our way."

"Hush now, Blackwall, next to the dozen of mosquito bites and cuts around my body, your complaining is unbearable."

Lavellan snorted out a chuckle. "UnBEARable..." The other three let out disgusted noises, un-amused by her attempt to lighten the mood.

"Let's just make sure we get to camp in one piece, shall we?" Cassandra led the group onward. Out of all of them, she seemed the one with less battle marks. Her sword was still in tact and her shield only had a dent to the side - compared to Blackwall's blunted axe and completely destroyed warden shield.

Blackwall mentioned something to Vivienne that had her scoffing at her perceived stupidity of him and they continued to bicker like a married couple behind Lavellan and Cassandra.

"Did Varric mention why he wasn't able to come with us?" Cassandra broke the silence between the two suddenly. She hadn't even brought up Varric and appeared to care very little about his absence.  The two women began to hike upwards on the tall grassy hill as they were getting closer to camp.

"No... he just mentioned he needed to stay back for a bit." She was a terrible liar, she knew it. Her forehead started to sweat and she could feel Cassandra's eyes burning holes through her body. Throughout her journey in the jungle forests that were the Emerald Graves, Lavellan had time to correspond with Varric with a few letters. One in particular revealed the name of his upcoming guest.

> _Dear Inquisitor,_
> 
> _Hope you haven't died yet. If you did, well shit, this is in bad taste. Anyways, i couldn't risk having anyone listen in to our conversation before you left. The truth is, I'm expecting Hawke - yes, THE Hawke - to Skyhold. You can imagine why I didn't want to say anything earlier. Oh by the way, Sister, since I know you are reading this right now - do me a favor and read the entirety of this letter before maiming me._
> 
> _Listen - the Champ needed to lay low for a few years after that whole shitstorm in Kirkwall... and what obviously followed. He heard what happened at Haven and didn't think twice before doing some research for us on his way over. Obviously he's been a little distracted lately as he's only JUST arriving here soon. He's got some important information to share with you, if you'll hear him out. I'd figure you could use some advice from someone who's fought Corypheus before._
> 
> _Anyways, my plea still stands: Don't tell the Seeker. More than our dear spymaster, she scares the living shit out of me._
> 
> _Varric_

"Are you hiding something from me?" Cassandra narrowed her eyes and gave Lavellan a more frighteningly than usual stare down.

"Oh - pssh! Don't be silly. Come now - I can see the scouts over there!"

The rest of their visit went by unusually fast and Lavellan hadn't noticed until now how well their team worked together on the field. With every electrical pulse she would paralyze her enemies; Cassandra and Blackwall always followed up with a combination of attacks that would scarcely leave anyone standing afterwards. Vivienne's Knight Enchanter' abilities would always come in handy if either of the warriors fell or lost their balance too soon. Effortlessly, she would have her enemies - be it human or darkspawn - flying through the air. 

The sunset before their return home was a happy one. Vivienne began impromptu etiquette lessons with Blackwall while she fanned herself underneath the shade.

"Darling, you use the tinier spoon for desserts - the round one for soup. Everything else is actually _quite_ well done... I'm impressed. Where did you say you grew up?"

Blackwall picked up each utensil and practice items - tiny in comparison to his large calloused hands - gently and packed them away in his canvas. 

"South Ferelden... I've told you that twice now, Madame." His eyes averted her gaze.

"I know, dear. It's just so unlike Fereldens to know Orlesian trivialities so well - or common etiquette."

"I... I've been to Orlais plenty of times during my travels. Very easy to pick up on things."

They continued to talk amongst themselves as Lavellan walked over. There was an uneasiness in Blackwall's voice that made her nervous, but she decided to brush it off as the conversation took on a lighter mood.

"Look at those two. They don't even know it yet." Cassandra bit into the leg of a cooked nug savagely.

"Know what?" Muffled out a full faced Lavellan. She chomped her way through almost half of the ear in just a few seconds.

"They might be falling in love." 

Hysteria erupted from Lavellan's mouth and for the first time, in a long while, she couldn't stifle her laughter and rolled off the rock she was on. Blackwall and Vivienne raised their eyebrows but continued on with their conversation far enough from her.

"What is so amusing?! It is truth!" Cassandra's glassy eyed expression urged Lavellan to attempt to muffle her laughter.

"I'm... it's just... no. Creators, no. My! Oh... shit!" She once again exploded into a laughing frenzy. Cassandra waited for her to settle before continuing.

"Why is it so hard to believe? Blackwall is a good man, and Vivienne is beautiful."

"First off, there's more to a relationship than simple attraction." Lavellan sat herself back onto the rock. "Secondly, Blackwall already has eyes for Josephine - or... did you not know? What with the flowers and -"

"Flowers?! He's sent flowers? I - she has not told me anything." Cassandra's face turned red in embarrassment, the sight of which made Lavellan giggle out a few more laughs.

"Well, she's not exactly ANNOUNCING it to the world. I just happened upon the delivery of a bouquet one day. And Vivienne... she's a bit above all of us in status and beauty!" She took another bite of a biscuit. The Seeker paused for a moment as if contemplating something to ask, but then proceeded to drink and eat slowly. There were a few minutes of just silence and the sound of chewing - or in the case of Lavellan - scarfing down food. At this point, the team knew of her unceasing appetite and each one of them wondered how she would handle the event at Halamshiral.

"How has Cullen been? He's been buried in work for so long, I rarely get a chance to see him." The warrior sat her goblet down on the grassy patch next to her and looked up at the sky. 

"I saw him the day before I left, and he's been in good spirits."

"No doubt you helped with that."

Lavellan's face flushed a deep scarlet and was surprised by Cassandra's teasing which was rare indeed.

"Why do you say that?"

The Seeker smirked playfully and jested, "He's smitten with you. I can tell. We are good friends and I know that the moment you walk into the room his attention gets directed only to you." She drank from her wooden goblet.

"You also thought Vivienne and Blackwall were in love. Your sense of judgement is a bit off." Lavellan reached for another piece of dried meat.

"There is no denying the adoration that comes from his eyes..." Her eyes became glassy and she looked upwards as if lost in thought. "Those eyes say it all. I believe him to be quite in love with you. And why shouldn't he be? One must find solace in these dark times. Why is it so wrong to be... slowly falling?"

Lavellan looked upwards in the direction Cassandra's gaze was fixed on and then looked back at the Seeker. She chortled.

"Ah... I see. This isn't about Cullen and I..."

Cassandra snapped out of her daze and narrowed her eyes towards the petite elf. "Not. Another. Word." She shifted in her makeshift seat and then continued.

"I'm curious... what are your intentions with him? Or rather... what will you do when this is all over?"

Lavellan opened her mouth to say something, and then quickly realized she hadn't thought of an answer for that even for herself. The elf missed being around others like her, but in an odd way - she thanked whoever there was to thank for having the mark upon her hand. She never thought she could bond with non-Dalish elves, humans, dwarves and even qunari as friends... and in some cases... more than just bond.

"I... don't know. To both of those questions, really. He's a good man. There's no lying or half truths. But he is human." She suddenly realized just how narrow-minded she sounded from the outside. Would she not be offended if someone said that about elves? 

"You have right to be cautious of us - after everything. Even now we stand on grounds that were soaked in elven blood because of human wrongs. I do not blame you, but I ask that you see how far we've come from those dark times. There is good in us - and if anyone can be an example of how far a person can come from hate - Cullen is that person. He may still be quite uneasy around magic but... he's learning, he's trying... and you are helping him realize that more and more everyday." 

True to her character, Lavellan chortled nervously, a habit she did when she knew not what to say. 

"Heavy, Cassandra! It was close-minded of me to mention race. It's just that we've been taught for so long that in order to preserve our culture, elves shouldn't assimilate. I find it harder and harder to believe that now though. I've made amazing friends, traveled in cities, spoken with people of all ranks, and learned so much Thedosian history... I can't imagine leaving this, but I miss my family so much." She thought of her youngest brother and how he might have already gone on his first hunt. Her mother and father must have watched from afar proudly.

_Do they miss me? Do they think of me? Have they written me off as a 'shem'?_

Those thoughts became toxic in her mind but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake them off. _If I brought a human back... If she brought a barefaced elf back... what would they think?_

"Cassandra, how do you feel about Solas?"

The Seeker stopped chewing and swallowed hard. 

"He's... interesting. Certainly has an elevated opinion of himself but... for good reason. I - wait... Do you... love him as well?"

"What is with the heavy words today, Cassandra?! I do not love anyone other than my family and friends... I am not IN love either... Infatuation is quite different. I would say I think very fondly of both. They intrigue me for practically polar reasons one would say... When Culllen looks at me - it's as if I'm the only one there and his voice is as soft as the smoothest Ferelden silk. When he touches me - even the smallest and lightest of touches - they feel electric." Lavellan caught herself from daydreaming inappropriate thoughts. 

"But then... Solas who is so sophisticated... so so wise. I can ask him almost anything and expect a detailed answer. He's a man of secrets, I know. When we talk, he doesn't belittle me or become annoyed with my constant questioning. We have an intellectual bond of sorts and we never run out of things to say, I'm never bored with him." The sun began to shed its final streams of light upon the world. Bright purple skies laid above them revealing tiny diamonds peeking through the clouds. 

Lavellan noticed the Seeker had become silent and when she turned to the human, she saw her starry eyed and blushing.

"I... I see." She coughed into her glove when she noticed Lavellan's wide eyed expression. "It would seem you are in the midst of a love triangle."

"Love triangle?" The phrase was foreign to Lavellan.

"Yes! Have you... not read such literature that has such a thing? Haven't you read Varric's stories?"

"No, he told me his romance stories aren't his best work only meant for saps. And unfortunately the only real literature I've read at all are historical, scientific... otherwise non-fiction books. " In her head, Lavellan tried to think of something she read that dealt with romance, but other than Varric's tale of the champion - which she admittedly only skimmed through - she hadn't a real interest. 

"I should not discuss it further, but you... should make up your mind!" In a huff, Cassandra stood up and practically marched into her tent. VIvienne and Blackwall were also surprised at the sudden fit. The warden gave the elf a questioning look.

"I've no idea..."

_I hope I did not insult her..._

* * *

 

Later that night, Lavellan set her bedroll down next to Cassandra's hoping not to disturb her. One would compare the act of her attempt to be discreet as the exact opposite. Her wooden bed base scraped and clanked against the tent's skeleton as she tried to lay it out on its back. When she unraveled the mattress and threw it on the base, it practically thumped loud enough for the animals nearby to scatter.

"Sorry..." She whispered loudly to the now awoken Seeker. 

"Ugh..." Cassandra grunted as she turned to the other side facing away from her. For a few moments as Lavellan smoothed out her mat, Cassandra stayed silent until her guilt got the best of her.

"I... want to apologize for storming out earlier. It was un-necessary." She sat up on her bed and looked at her fidgeting hands. Lavellan noticed the uneasiness in her posture. It was so unlike her to see Cassandra so vulnerable and soft and then it dawned on her. She hardens herself on the outside, but on the inside she was still a mortal - she was not just a warrior, she had too once been a child. Does she not bleed? Cry? Laugh?

"No - my comments were insensitive. I'm still getting used to... well civility really." 

Cassandra snickered and shook her head. 

"The truth is... I've never been in love - I don't think. So I have nothing to compare my budding emotions for Cullen or Solas. I push these thoughts aside because I cannot risk becoming entangled in my emotions. I will never forgive myself if something were to happen because I was busy daydreaming about marriage, children... kissing." Her blush darkened and Cassandra grinned. 

"Kissing? ...What... oh! You've already done more than just talk to either of them!" Her schoolgirl teasing made the Inquisitor sigh. 

"Are you ready for a story?" 

Cassandra enthusiastically nodded as she sat her self up and closer to Lavellan.

* * *

 "Take a seat, Chuckles! This game's better with more than two people. Tried teaching the kid but he got distracted with the newborn kittens under the stairs."

Varric was seated in a wooden table across from The Iron Bull in the grand hallway. There was a good amount of activity going on with the staff and workers making their ways through the hall and into various rooms. 

"Yeah, and I hear you kick ass at cards. Had Blackwall running bare-naked in the middle of the night." The qunari took a generous drink from the giant mug in his hand.

"A bit early to drink and play, wouldn't you say?" Solas had a few books that were held tightly against his chest. He had found himself engulfed in texts to distract himself since the Inquisitor left for the Emerald Graves. 

"Come on!" The dwarf pulled up the chair next to him.

With little effort from his companions, Solas found himself sitting with the dwarf and qunari in what appeared to be the longest game of Wicked Grace. However, it wasn't long because of how clever each player was, indeed it was the conversation in between that had them there for more than a few hours.

 "So, the Champion is coming to Skyhold, eh?" Iron Bull sniggered as he laid down his hand.

"Not so loud! Andraste's ass - I can't have the damn Chantry sisters listen in..." The dwarf looked both way behind and in front of him before confirming in his head that no one had heard. He nodded solemnly to the qunari.

"I'm eager to meet him as well... One who fought so much evil - who had someone so close by that -"

Iron Bull interjected Solas. "That was a damn lunatic."

"Perverted a spirit from its original purpose..." Solas narrowed his eyes at Iron Bull. Varric sighed heavily. As he shook his head, he caught sight of the Tevinter mage being followed by Mother Giselle towards the gardens. No doubt she was reprimanding him for his behavior towards his father as of late. The dwarf smirked.

"So how are things with you and Sparkler?"

Iron Bull nodded in the dwarf's direction while he swallowed another gulp of his qunari drink.

"I'd say pretty well. He's in my room every other night. Damn Vint tries to deny it in public, though." He didn't seem bothered by it on the surface, but something tugged his heart when he said it out loud. He had his share of one night stands, but this was more than just that. Sex wasn't about love. It was just a way to get physical release. That is what he told himself before - but he wasn't too sure of it now.

Solas nodded in agreement. "Perhaps he's just private."

"Yeah, well... he sure ain't private about letting me know what to do next -"

"And... _that_ I didn't need to know, but good for you!" Varric smirked with his eyes still on his cards. "How about you Solas? How are you and the Inquisitor doing?"

His blunt comment did not surprise Solas, but that didn't mean he was prepared to answer either. 

"I am well. I suppose you'd have to ask how she is when she returns."

"Oh, come on, Solas! Half of Skyhold sees her following after you like a lost puppy. She's got it bad, but hey, no one's blaming you if you don't want commitment." The Iron Bull stretched his arms behind his neck, seemingly uninterested in what he had to say to defend himself. To him, there was nothing to be private about.

"Well... I would say not to lead her on either - things get really messy when you do that. I've seen it happen before." Varric recalled the awkward tension between Merrill and Isabela the time they found out both were given signals to Hawke's interest. In the end it all played out quite well - though he, of course, was with the three when it had happened.

"She knows where I stand." It was a lazy response, and one he had used previously, but he had hoped they would drop the matter.

"Does she, though? Not from what I hear..." Iron Bull laid out his cards revealing a strong hand. The other two stared at their own and paused.

"Ah yes, inside information from a  _friend_ one assumes..." Internally he was rolling his eyes and fighting his instinct to scoff and walk away - for Varric's sake.

"Home sweet home!" A voice called out from behind the group and with the light shining on her back, Lavellan stood on the top step covered in bandages and 3 shades darker than she was when she left. Solas perked up and set his cards down - revealing his winning hand. Behind her, Vivienne appeared, though she was less willing to talk and made her way directly up the stairs. Iron Bull gave his greeting to her politely and sheepishly. When Lavellan caught sight of the group she made her way practically skipping.

"I can't tell you how happy I am to be here! There's so many things I learned and I can't wait to share all of them with you." Her grin was from ear to ear and her voice sounded much more like a song than they were used to. She began recanting the encounters with the Red Templars and her discovery of an abandoned mansion. But through it all, she didn't make eye contact with Solas. In fact, while he was trying to look at her dead on - she avoided his gaze as much as possible by having her eyes fixed on Varric and Bull. 

 _Perhaps it's just me... but is... she hiding something from me?_ Solas's smile faded to a neutral expression. She gave a nod to everyone as she was about to leave and paused when she saw Solas's face. She knew him all too well to know that he was hiding his annoyance.

"Solas? Will you meet me in my chambers? I have something in particular that I'd like to share with you if you don't mind." 

Without nodding, verbally confirming or otherwise acknowledging, Solas stood up knocking over his mug. The uncharacteristic behavior made Iron Bull laugh heartily. 

"Calm down, Solas - like  you haven't gotten laid in years. Good for you, boss." He winked with his one eye to the Inquisitor who was already burgundy in face. 

"No, not - oh for - my Advisors will be there as well!"

"Nice! Room for one more? I got a thing for Leliana..." 

Varric clapped his hands trying to hold back his laughter. The two elves narrowed their eyes and made their way to her chambers without saying a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter KILLED me because I kept writing and rewriting it to fit the overall plot. At the same time, I don't want to make this a 50 chapter fic, so I'm trying to be as detailed but brief as possible! 
> 
> <3


	12. Yes, THE Hawke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett Hawke meets Lavellan for the first time.

Heavily quilted comforters and smooth silk sheets never felt better on her skin. After her last meeting lasted much longer than expected, all she had time for was a shower and a meal before it was time to sleep. In a way she was a bit distressed at the fact that she wasn't able to speak with Solas one on one, but his research with Leliana was of priority concerning their findings in The Emerald Graves. They thought it might be an entrance to an old Elven temple and this both frightened and intrigued Lavellan. The thought of more secrets from ancient Elvhenan danced across her mind and she thought about what could have happened if she never went to the Conclave. 

 _If I'd never went... if I never got lost in the city... Where would I be? Would I have perished?_ She closed her eyes thinking about an early conversation with Solas. She felt ashamed to admit that she was not a truly devout Dalish and simply met the minimum standards to stay within the clan.

 _Foolish... I've taken my history for granted. When I go home... I'll make sure to share all that I've learned to preserve our history. I'll wear these markings proudly._ She inwardly argued with herself about the lack of pride she had for her clan. The more she thought about appeasing her family, the more she thought about her relationships with with Cullen and Solas. Jumping to conclusions had always been something Lavellan was prone to and this matter was no different. 

"Your family just wants you happy." 

Without lifting her head, Lavellan smiled and closed her eyes.

"Thank you, Cole. It's nice to reminded of that every once and awhile. I really need to take you on the field more often."

Cole wanted to speak out about knowing why she didn't take him often on trips. He knew that she cared for him deeply, almost akin to a younger brother. Perhaps she was for the moment replacing her own younger brother with Cole. He laid down beside her and held her hand. 

"Will you weep when the world burns?"

Such a question. She hadn't the faintest idea what he was referring to other than Corypheus, but in their conversations he had almost made it certain that he believed in her enough to defeat the mage.

"You mean if I don't die first?" Lavellan squeezed his hand softly. They stared at each other for a few moments until Cole blinked away and sighed. 

"If you did die - do you think you'd visit me in the Fade?"

His questions were beginning to unnerve Lavellan. Prior to this conversation, he was generally wary of subjects that made her uncomfortable. Perhaps it was his time in the conscious world that was skewing his personal choices.

"Cole... do you think I'll die?" Her question was an honest one. Generally, she was worried but even more so now that the spirit asked such a question.

He closed his eyes and inhaled softly. 

"I don't know." When he opened his eyes he saw Lavellan's fears written on her face. The embers from her fireplace cast a warm glow on her face and to Cole she looked much younger. They laid beside each other until drifting off to sleep still holding hands.

* * *

A loud knocking woke Lavellan up and not surprisingly she realized Cole has yet again disappeared. In a rush she threw on a robe and made her way to the door.

"Yes?"

Varric looked frazzled and much more than that he sounded exasperated.

"Quick! Meet me in the West Battlements in five. I gotta run!" Before waiting for an explanation, the dwarf disappeared into a cloud of purple smoke. She could hear the sound of his boots darting our the window and down the steps. 

She closed the door and ran to get dressed.

A few minutes later she emerged from her room and darted for the quickest way to the battlements she knew - through Solas and Cullen's office. As she rushed off, she caught site of the breakfast spread that the Inquisition kitchen staff laid out for everyone. 

When she made her way to Solas's study, Lavellan tiptoed towards the back door with a baguette still in her mouth.

"In a rush are we?" Her mentor's voice was heard from the top of the ladder. He set his paints down briefly and smirked in her direction.

"You know any other time I would gladly sass you but it seems Varric needs me. Something rather..."

"Hawke?"

"Hawke."

With that, she made her way outside. She hoped Cullen would still be asleep, but she knew it was unlikely. As she opened the door she realized his candles were not lit and his room still appeared dark. 

_Odd... He must be at another meeting... Never stops working, that man..._

When she arrived at Varric's location, she nearly gasped when she saw the Champion leaning over the ledge in laughter at something the dwarf had said. 

"Sounds like a real firestarter, Varric!" The raven haired man stood upright when he caught sight of the petite elf. 

"Oh! So here's the Inquisitor, I assume? I was expecting someone less... less..."

"Female? Elven? Mage-like?" She put her hands on her hips waiting for his response.

"Less tiny... I've seen people of all backgrounds prove themselves formidable contenders. My wife being all the attributes you've just described... I suppose size is no different. Though Varric did describe you as imposing..."

"Keep in mind that EVERYONE taller than me is just a tad imposing, Hawke..." Varric shook his head and turned towards Lavellan. 

"Inquisitor... may I present to you Hawke... yes, THE Hawke." The trio began to discuss news Hawke had heard. 

* * *

"Now that we have that underway, I think I can send my contacts to assist at the Approach. I'll give word to my contact there - perhaps you'd like to take your Warden as well for safe measure." Hawke inhaled deeply as he mapped out what was to come.

Lavellan's head was swirling with details that were only beginning to sink in. Red lyrium... could it be that powerful? She knew it's power and what it did to men - but to corrupt a person beyond recognition... she shuttered at the thought. The most of what she absorbed had given her terrible anxiety and she tried her best to conceal it from Hawke. Varric had left a few minutes prior to relay a few details to Leliana and hoped not to cross the Seeker's path. 

"Is that clear, Inquisitor? I hope I haven't confused you - I tend to do that." He charmingly smirked. It was no wonder how a proud Dalish elf could fall for such a man and leave her clan behind. "I've given you all the details I know about Corypheus... I'm sure Varric has told you far more than I could provide. Him being such a good storyteller..."

"Ah yes. I'm sorry it's just - it's a lot to take in."

Hawke chortled and when he noticed the puzzlement on Lavellan's face, he laughed louder.

"It's... an inside joke. HAH! 'Inside' joke!"

 _Then again, maybe the elf known as Merrill was equally as dense._ She thought to herself silently.

"I... hope we have not taken you too far from home... or too long. I know you have a family now. I pray this mission won't take too long. Once we get in contact with Warden Stroud to see what he has uncovered, we will hopefully relieve you of anything left. You've done so much for Thedas as it is." She smiled warmly, but Hawke's disposition grew grim. 

"Done so much? I've made a mess of things. Had it not been for me, we'd..." He exhaled and shook his head. "I need to see this through the end. I need to see Corypheus perish once and for all. My family will understand." Hawke smirked. "They know me all too well to back down anyways. And you? Varric tells me you don't plan to stay Inquisitor for long after we are done with the magister." 

"Has he?" She laughed softly. "I'm unsure as well. I suppose it was always assumed that I'd continue my studies as the First of my clan - but things are... different now that I'm... well now that I'm leading..."

"Shems? Oh my, you sound much like my dear Merrill did at first. Maybe you'll get lucky and have a devilishly charming human like myself sweep you off your feet?"

Without thinking, Lavellan instinctively gulped too loudly to be missed by the Champion.

"What now? Am I correct?! I wonder who it is... certainly not Varric otherwise he'd have let me known already. That Warden is much too old. I suppose I have yet to meet the rest - well, I suppose there is Cullen... or Commander Cullen now..." 

At the risk of letting anything more on, she stayed quiet and waited for him to finish his thoughts, but he continued on murmuring to himself.

"Well! I hope you will join us for dinner before you leave perhaps?"

"Hmm? Oh, no... I cannot stay longer. I've already sent for a pickup point, I must be going soon. I shall meet you at the Western Approach in... two weeks? Let's do that, then."

As they bid their final farewells, Lavellan thought about the upcoming ball in a few weeks as well. The sole purpose was to introduce herself to Empress Celene and learn more about Duke Gaspard who had only recently called upon her through a letter. She began counting the days she had left on her hand as she walked back to her quarters. As was her signature, she ran into someone's chest on her way back suddenly.

"Excuse me! Apologies." 

"Is this a habit of ours, Inquisitor?" Cullen reached down to pick up the pamphlet's that had fallen from his grasp.

"Do you think we'd be able to push back the ball if needed? After all, it's very purpose is to introduce ourselves to Orlais - officially."

Her formal question caught Cullen off guard for a moment before he began to think. 

"What has you at odds for having it sooner than later? I'd say to just get it over with, don't you think?"

"Some... interesting occurrences have been brought to my attention and it looks like I'll need a bit more time to investigate. I'm a bit of a procrastinator anyways, you know." She thought to keep the conversation a little more lighthearted as she saw Cullen's face grow more concerned.

"You mean with the return of the Champion?"

Lavellan's head shot up and her eyes met Cullen's smug face. 

"How did...?"

"Ah, you'd might want to check Cassandra's quarters... there's a certain dwarf being berated by an enraged Seeker." 

"Oh no..." Lavellan scratched her other arm thinking about what Varric was possibly facing at this very moment. Yet a part of her wanted to see how the two of them would reconcile without her intervention. A cracking sound came from over the other side. The two gave apologetic looks to one another knowing that Cassandra was still attacking Varric.

Cullen's eyes softened when he saw that Lavellan shook her head and laughed at the additional noises coming from the same direction. 

"I was... I was hoping you'd join me for dinner tonight." His face was beet red but he lifted his chin upwards to hide his embarrassment at the sudden request.

Lavellan turned toward him and nodded politely. "But don't bring work at the table, young man. After separating these two I'm going to need bread and a large glass of wine." His charming requests didn't make Lavellan become nervous, in fact they had given her a new sense of confidence in the way she held herself. If she could make a strong human warrior's knees buckle, what else could she do? She was even beginning to enjoy him squirm when she'd casually brush against his arm or lightly touch his face when she teased him.

He chuckled softly and looked down at her with his honeyed eyes - the sight of which made Lavellan remember what power he had over herself.

"So, where are we eating dinner then? We could peruse the local cuisine in Skyhold?"

"There's only one bar, Inquisitor." His deadpanned quick response made Lavellan laugh loudly again. 

"To 'Herald's Rest' it is!"

"Actually, I was hoping..." Cullen looked away from her eyes and scratched the back of his neck in thought. 

_She will surely laugh at this request._

"I was hoping you'd join me in my quarters this evening for dinner."

Her laughing stopped abruptly when she realized what kind of a dinner this was shaping up to be. He was asking to court her or rather, to begin the process of courting her. She made her feelings clear, however, so there would be no misunderstandings should she choose to be "courted" by another. Still...

 _What would Solas think?_   The memory of his faded smile and bittersweet longing expressions came to mind. The feeling of his hand against hers as he guided her paint brush. When she snapped out of the hallucination, she saw before her Cullen longingly waiting for a response and was just about to retract his invitation.

"Of course, Cullen... It sounds lovely, but I must ask - as you know - well, that though I'm not involved with anyone else, well that..." 

"Mum's the word." He softly said - almost sadly. She reached to touch his arm when another cracking sound came from behind.

"Perhaps you should save our dear dwarven friend, Inquisitor... I'll leave you be for now. I'll see you tonight."

Before she could respond, he leaned over and planted a delicate kiss on her cheek. The feeling of his stubble and the scent of elderflower and leather left her paralyzed for a few moments. His imposing shoulders were so close to her own. The sight that was the most stimulating was the glimpse of his bare neck when he pulled away. Buried underneath all that armor, there was a man who, too, was vulnerable. When he turned away, she exhaled loudly and waited for the pounding in her chest to cease.

After another sound of metal crashing onto someone's head with a cry following, Lavellan rushed over to Cassandra's quarters.

At the top of the battlements on the eastern side, Solas watched with narrowed eyes and tightly grasped his staff.


	13. Tea Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprises from Cullen.

Her delicate hands traced the ridges of the stone ledges while she sweetly hummed a song from her clan. She robotically smiled at the soldiers and staff who bowed or greeted her formally. Earlier on, she'd taken the time to acknowledge each and every one of them, but over time she grew tired of the formalities. 

"Finally gettin' it don' wit, eh?" The crudeness in the voice in front of her could not be mistaken for anyone else than the petite blonde elf. 

"Eating dinner?"

"Try not to eat all a'his, too. You eat more than Bull." Sera giggled nervously as she walked alongside Lavellan. The Inquisitor could tell the Red Jenny had something else on her mind, but was hesitant to investigate further as she neared the Commander's post. This was out of character for Sera to appear almost clingy - something wasn't right.

"Sera, could you meet me after...?" Lavellan warmly smiled at the other elf hoping not to hurt her feelings. 

"Right..." She teetered hopped off the ledge without another word. Guilty feelings rushed through Lavellan's worried thoughts. In deep thought, she stepped forward and pressed herself against the edge to see that the elf had already disappeared elsewhere. Her eyes traced a path that led out of Skyhold through the main gates. For several moments, she remembered her first few days in the musty castle and how frightened she had felt in such an uninhabited place. Her rough yet petite hands dug into the cemented edges of the battlements and for a moment, she thought about jumping off and darting back to her clan. Such fantasies would never be possible anymore.

"Inquisitor?"

In truth, she had already known he had been behind her for a few moments watching her. His natural musk gave himself away. To an elf, the smell of leather and herbs were familiar and comfortable scents - ones she in particular found irresistible while she was homesick.

"I hope you've had the staff prepare something appetizing, Commander. I'm feeling famished. I've not had lunch today, could you believe it?" She stretched her arms behind her neck and rolled her shoulders as she tried to feign confidence.

"No lunch? Such sacrifice!" He chuckled as he offered his arm to her. She began to feel the pit in her stomach twist again, a feeling she hadn't felt in quite awhile with the Commander or even Solas. Perhaps it was that she was beginning to feel so comfortable around both that they had become almost family to her.

"Just because you deprive yourself every afternoon, doesn't mean the rest of us should have to face such a fate."

He let out a hearty laugh as he clutched her arm. The release of his tense posture made him appear that much more intimating to the elven girl, yet it excited her at the same time. A single golden lock came lose from his pompadour and hung over his left eye and as he finished his laugh, he locked his eyes intensely at her own.

"I hope you'll enjoy what I've prepared."

Her eyes brightened and grew larger. She mouthed the words "You?" and pointed at him baffled by the thought of him cooking. He smirked in acknowledgment and opened the heavy door to his room. It was mostly dark with a soft glow coming from the center of the room. There laid out before them was his desk rearranged without any papers, weapons, or maps. It was had been cleaned off and had a large partway melted candle in the center - romantically. She could feel the lump in her throat forming as she tried to absorb the sight. A red cloak of some kind that looked as though it would be soft to the touch, draped the wooden desk. Lavellan could smell roasted potatoes and some sort of meat dish, but she couldn't find the source as she looked around. Her eyes followed the walls she could make out, and stopped as they found the ladder leading to his sleeping area. Impure thoughts creeped into her mind.

 _Perhaps... it's upstairs... on his bed._ She envisioned Cullen pinning her against the door and landing passionate kisses around her neck and mouth, then he would carry her petite frame up the ladder where they would...

"I apologize for the dim lights... I came back after cooking and realized most of my candles had been confiscated by something... or someone." 

It seemed something Sera would be responsible for but due to her previous solemn disposition Lavellan had witnessed, she seemed it was more likely Dorian had interfered. 

 "Well I certainly smell something delicious but I can't seem to find it anywhere." She extended her arms in front of her as she tried to navigate her way towards the center of the room.

"Just a second!" Cullen blocked her path and in the glow of the candlelight behind him she could only make out the outline of his golden curls. 

"Close your eyes... if you would, please." 

She raised her eyebrow unsure of why he would want such a thing. Before she could protest, he crept up behind her and blindfolded her with one of his handkerchiefs. As she stood there in disbelief, she could hear blanking and a door opening. She felt the faint sunlight upon her skin as if it was peeking through an open door. Behind her, she could hear a whisper of another person and then the noise of dishes.  Then...

Lavender.

It wasn't faint like before, it was sudden and invaded her nostrils and into her brain. It was a lovely scent but it was the same lavender from her room. When she lifted her hand to try and lift her blindfold, a cool draft that almost felt like lips kissed her knuckles. The sensation left her startled and she quickly removed the cloth covering her eyes and looked to see what was by her hand. But there was nothing and just then she realized the intrusive smell of lavender had also disappeared and instead was replaced by the succulent smells of roasted nug.

"Couldn't wait could you?" 

She shot her head up to see Cullen in only a simple white blouse and his fitted leather pants next to his plates filled with food on the desk. When she looked closer she noticed that other than the roasted nug, the plate contained elven dishes! Cooked spiced squashes, roasted grape, goat cheese and honey stuffed sweet potatoes and pickled plums over an elfroot salad - and then her eyes made their way to the dessert. Her most favorite dish of all: Honey roasted pears - Lathuil Dhavas! 

The overwhelming vision before her was almost too much to handle for her at the moment. She covered her mouth to conceal her quivering lips and when she looked at Cullen - she swore she had fallen in love with him. His eyes. There was no secrets. No half truths. No deception. They were only filled with invitations, promises, and pleas. But when she looked into them for too long, she was surprised to see a moment of panic and twitch.

"I - uh... well I hope I didn't completely sully some of these dishes. It's a lot harder to find some of these spices than I'd previously thought. Such a shame, too... I'm sure I would have gotten it exactly right had we had the resources... N-not to say our scouts didn't do a fantastic -"

"It's perfect." Her voice shook as she tried her best to keep herself sobbing.

Cullen walked over to Lavellan quickly, startling the girl. 

"I... I know how hard it must be for your to just get up and be thrust into a culture you knew little of beforehand. I wanted to show you that I am willing to do the same." He bit his bottom lip before continuing. "Although... you haven't the faintest of ideas how hard it was for me to even seek passage in the neighboring Hinterland clans. It was completely out of the question in the Plains... though I know the spices there would have been more of what your clan was accustomed to..." 

She leaned in closer to his face, ready to give into every emotion, desire and need to touch his lips with her own.

In a moment of panic, Cullen continued and interrupted her movement.

"Solas -" 

Lavellan snapped out of her trance at the sound of his name.

" - helped me find the location of a few of the clans and I must give credit where it is due." He bowed his head in defeat, knowing he had just ruined his moment.

"I must thank him later as well, then..." She removed herself from in front of Cullen and made her way towards the table. 

Without looking back, Cullen released the tension in his shoulders and made him way to the table. He had just put a cloth on his lap when he realized he had forgotten something.

"Just a second! I forgot the drink!" He hastily made his way out of the room for a few seconds before returning with a pot of tea and two mugs. The tea was still hot, she could tell, by the smoke emanating from the pot. The scent that it cast was familiar to her.

"Tea tree... my goodness - how on Thedas were you able to get your hands on wilted tea tree sap this far from the Marches? The trees nearby are not of the right kind."

"Oh yes, I know that - well after asking Solas I found that out but... I had Josephine do a favor and... well ask for a favor from a 'famous' Noble merchant close to Wycome. Anyways, straight from the source... from Clan Lavellan."

She shook her head in disbelief and was sure she now had tears streaming down her face.

"How long had you -"

"Oh, a few weeks. You'd left for the Graves when I began."

"Why..." 

He stood silent for a few seconds and then pulled up his chair to sit down.

"You... know why." He whispered as he poured them tea.

"I'm... unsure of what to say." She looked down at her fidgeting hands.

"You needn't say anything, my lady. A smile is enough."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will continue this scene! C:


	14. Acknowledgements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to the conversation Solas and Cullen had while Lavellan was away.

**_A Few Weeks Earlier..._**  
  
If it was true that black tea was the only thing to soothe headaches, Solas would almost certainly take a lifetime of migraines in place of swallowing anymore of it. It felt like he had been forcing down the liquid for an eternity, but when he looked down into his mug again it was still almost completely full. 

He exhaled loudly to himself knowing that others around him had already departed themselves to their chambers. His eyes focused on the edge of his table as he hoped to distract himself momentarily from the throbbing pains on his left temple. For a few seconds he thought he'd saw a shadow from the corner of his eye, but it vanished quickly.

"Cole, I'm feeling a little unwell right now." Solas closed his eyes as he spoke.

"Hello."

It was a young girl's voice and the sound of which startled him momentarily before he regained his composure.

"What brings you here?" His voice was direct but not unkind. There was no guise the spirit could have worn or shown to have fooled him, however. He knew what she was.

"It hurts because you do what you don't want." The elven girl wore a simple elven cloak that hid most of her body up to her chin. In her arms she clutched a stuffed rabbit doll that was worn and sprinkled with soot. The few strands of hair that poked through her hood were platinum blonde - almost white.

"What has pulled you to me?" He set his tea down and sat upright. His headache still eating at his forehead. 

Without saying a word, the child walked up to Solas and softly placed her tiny hand on his head. Her eyes glowed a soft white color for a few seconds. A chilling sensation ran from his temple to his feet and he instantly felt the tension release itself. When she lifted her hand away from him, he felt calm and relaxed... and then suddenly very tired.

"Shh, you should sleep now, Solas." 

He began to mouth a few words before completely slumping into his chair and falling fast asleep.

* * *

 

_She is calling me._

He could feel himself being pulled to her dream - but he did not resist the pull. This was deceitful... she should know he will see her at whatever state she's in. All around him there were swirls of color and shapes. He was traveling without control... He could feel wind on his skin rushing against him.

As the surrounding environment started to form solid objects, he realized where he was. A dampened campfire. The smell of burnt wood was still fresh in the air. He instantly recognized the Inquisition's tent and camp flags. As he took a few moments to regain his composure, he heard faint laughing from the tent behind him. Solas began to recognize the muffled voices.

Cassandra and... the Inquisitor.

He walked over their tent intending on letting them know he had arrived - somehow - to the Graves. Even when his strength was at its full power, he had never been able to move so quickly to explain how he had traveled so fast. 

"Ah... Inquisitor... excuse me." He called out from the other side softly. When she didn't respond back, he thought she just couldn't hear his voice so he called out a little louder.

"Inquisitor? Seeker?"

He was sure they should have heard him but he could still hear them giggling on the other side. At the risk of being discovered in the morning awkwardly, he decided to make his way into the tent to announce his arrival. His hand reached out to pull the tent drape open but as he extended his fingers, he realized he was translucent. 

 _The spirit has transported me through the Fade... But... how was I unable to decipher that earlier..._ When he closed his eyes to concentrate, he located his physical body still in Skyhold. The spirit had transported his consciousness without him knowing, to the located of the Inquisitor. This was unusual in that he was usually able to locate other people's subconsciousness through the Fade in his subconscious.

He stood there dumbly, deciding on what to do in this situation - though perhaps the spirit heard his inner turmoil and, like Cole, wanted him to see the only person who could lighten his spirits.

Another laugh came from the other side.

He knew it was wrong, but perhaps they would say something that the spirit wanted him to hear - if that was the case, then perhaps it could transport him back sooner than later.

"And... when you  _kissed_  him - what did you feel?" He could hear the Seeker's voice dripping with anxiousness.

"It was..." Lavellan sighed sweetly, almost longingly. "One of the most incredible experiences in my life - there's no... explanation as to... how to describe his..." Her voice was beginning to go faint. Solas leaned in trying to make out the words. He felt filthy in that moment, but he hadn't stopped thinking about their kiss either.

 

> Her delicate hands as she forcefully grabbed his lower jaw and drew his face into hers and then seeing her shyly turn away immediately thereafter. He knew he should have stopped it earlier, but he hadn't felt a kiss in a millenia... and even then - he had never felt a kiss as genuine as hers. His body compelled him to obey and give into his wants. He couldn't believe she had acted so uncharacteristically - and he couldn't believe he was going to indulge in his desire either, he outwardly shook his head in disbelief with the situation.
> 
> He drew her in harder and closer than before, and when his lips met hers, he looked for an opening. For a split second as she caught her breath, she opened her mouth just slightly to which Solas excitedly entered with his tongue. Her eyes opened in surprise and playfully responded to his excitement. She pushed away from him ready to say something witty, but he drew her in again - unable and unwilling to let this moment in ecstasy go. Her hands clutched his vest trying to bring him in closer. When they both drew away from each other, she noticed Solas's eyes mournfully look at her and then smile bittersweetly.

The memory was beginning to excite him enough to walk over to the other side to get a better listen.

"But he's so unlike what you think. When we're together - all of us that is - he's quite reserved but when we're together and studying, he's so thoughtful."

"Does he not just... rattle things off to you without even listening to you? Dorian has stated that he rarely hears your voice in conversation." Cassandra seemed concerned, she was still wary of the elf and he hadn't made or said anything to make her change her mind otherwise.

"Dorian only listens to what he wants. Perhaps he has a thing for Solas as well." The two began to giggle again sweetly. Solas couldn't help but smile at the sound of her voice sounding so peaceful.

"No- no... but in seriousness... He is always so insightful with what I have to share with him and he's never rude about interrupting me when I explain my views. He can be quite hot headed when it comes to issues concerning Templars or the Chantry... and the Dalish... but it's that passion that draws me to him. Solas actually listens to what I have to say even when others brush it off as rubbish. Aside from that, it's not just an intellectual bond we have... he's very sweet. Even with the smallest things he does that perhaps none else would know. Just the other day, he gave me a handmade hairpin because he noticed that I've been fidgeting with my fringes... It was colored beautifully and he gave it so nonchalantly as if anyone were to do it to another." 

"It appears you are more than just on friendly terms with Solas... Have you spoken to him about your feelings since the..." Cassandra blushed at the absent word. 

"The kiss? Well, I discussed it with him a few nights later. He seemed... wary of wanting to pursue anything else, but..." Lavellan began to sort out her thoughts. "The way he looks at me... I've seen it in another's eyes. I know there's something stopping him from really telling me how he feels. There's always a shroud of mystery between us... His eyes... they are the saddest eyes I've seen." The elven girl looked down at her hands trying to remember what her original intent in statement was, but the only thought that ran across her mind was the memory of Solas shaking his head softly saying he could not ask more from her.

"A man should be pure with his intentions and honest. If you feel as though something is... not clear - perhaps you should investigate on your own." Cassandra's original wary opinion of the apostate had lessened. For she knew herself how thoughtful and polite he was - even towards major disagreements they had. Cassandra drew a comparison between Solas and herself and, she thought, perhaps he was similar to herself in that he was also too scared to let himself fall in love because of his own duties.

Solas stepped back slightly, unnerved at the Seeker's comment and inner thoughts which he was able to peek into in his Fade state. She was right, but oh, how he wanted her to be wrong. To say that he was truthful and his intentions were pure, but only one of those things was true. 

"And Cullen?"

Solas's heart skipped a beat, he thought. He'd be a fool not to notice the Commander's appeal even for a man like himself.

"He's incredibly handsome, isn’t he? But… there’s so much more to that. He’s intelligent and caring. I feel as though he tells me everything without a worry in judgement and I admire that so greatly. A good man - a family man. But..." Lavellan bit her bottom lip and looked up at Cassandra. Solas peeked through the small opening of the tent to see her starry eyed expression.

"I've no idea what my family were to think if they knew I was thinking about courting a human... No offense..."

Cassandra nodded in acknowledgement, she knew how traditional the elves were and even in her own family, the thought of interracial breeding was still a bit of a taboo topic. 

"I would give him a chance. Perhaps..." The brunette looked down with a mischievous smile on her face so very unlike her. In the glow of the lantern light, she looked as though she was merely a young girl still. "Make your intentions known to both, that you... that you know of their true feelings and... that you would need time. There is so much resting on your shoulders, but remember that you are a mortal with feelings and thoughts. Do not push the few moments we have of happiness in these dark times - they will be your fuel and reason to move forward." The sincerity in Cassandra's voice overwhelmed Lavellan and she thought for a moment what would happen if she tried to tell Cassandra to use her advice as well. There was more to Cassandra's and Varric's relationship and she wanted to know more, but she also felt the time was a wrong one.

"Who... That is... What would you do in my place? If you were I?" Lavellan's question was genuine and though it pained her to ask such a question, to seek such basic advice, she needed a friend's input.

Cassandra looked away from the elf and in the direction Solas's apparition was looking. She furrowed her eyebrows and in that instance, Solas thought that perhaps she had seen him - but it was impossible. The Seeker sighed and turned in Lavellan's direction as she began to saw a few indistinct words barely above a whisper. 

Suddenly, as if almost on beat, Solas began to feel himself pulled back to Skyhold. He inwardly pouted at the timing of it all and tried to listen in but all he could here were muffled words and Lavellans hum in acknowledgement - and perhaps she was agreeing. When he looked down towards his "body" he saw his old elven armor glimmering in what appeared to be sunlight coming from behind him. Normally, Solas would approach spirit interactions calmly and reasonably, but this spirit was being aggressive and he felt as thought she might "out" him sooner than he'd like. He began to twist his magic around him to form a thin veil to prevent her from further morphing him. As his surroundings began to blur and move again, as they did before, he saw the elven child in the distance shaking her finger back and forth as if to say "Not yet." 

"What is it that you are trying to do? No doubt Col - Compassion has already warned you… The people at Skyhold would not appreciate your appearances - please, for your own safety, I beg that you return to the Fade. I would not want anything to happen to such a young spirit."

The girl looked at him with an indecipherable expression plastered on her face as though she was assessing his words. Slowly she began to loosen her pull on Solas and just as he was beginning to navigate his way back to his physical form, the girl pulled him into her face.

She was no longer a small elven girl, instead her features morphed into an older elven woman with corroded teeth and sunken in eyes. In elven words she howled in a devilish dual voice, “You know not the power of I, Solas. Duty may follow you, but just as Justice was corrupted not so long ago – you too may face a similar end. Be wary of whom you choose to follow.”

The instance left Solas shaken but he responded as calmly as he could muster out, “Have you been corrupted, spirit? Why have you taken this form? You are not a demon.”

The spirit turned away from him and slowly reverted back to her innocent child-like appearance. Her eyes were wide and her mouth slightly parted.

“Fen’Harel is it?”

He did not respond and instead waited for her to continue.

“The Dread Wolf… in love.” She teased menacingly.

“I cannot have you revealing myself to anyone – least of all her.”

The girl nodded sweetly and disappeared.

“Wait… where are you? Hello? Hello?!”

His patience had fled his being and he felt younger, so much younger –  to when he was once arrogant and hardheaded. He continued to call out to the girl with each time getting more and more irritated and aggressive.

“Come out, will you? You shall not meddle!” In his mind, Solas was calm and was seeing his outward-self panic and he felt as though he was watching himself in another form because of the differences. “HELLO?!”

* * *

 

 "Solas? Solas? Are... are you alright?"

Solas slowly opened his eyes and saw a blur of colors again. They began to slowly settle and he realized someone was gripping his shoulder in worry.

“Are you alright?” Commander Cullen asked once more this time in a more neutral voice than worried.

“Yes… I must have – “

“Had a nightmare? I’ve plenty of those. I did not mean to intrude in your space, I was trying to get to Leliana and heard you shouting in your sleep.” Cullen smirked sweetly trying to lessen the embarrassment that Solas must have been feeling.

“Yes… Perhaps I just need to sleep elsewhere.” He shook his head trying to remember what exactly had happened. He was still feeling irritable and his heart was pounding loudly from worry.

“Would you like something to drink, perhaps?”

Solas instinctively waved his hand to decline, but realized quickly that he should appreciate the Commander’s genuine concern. And yet, why was he so concerned?

“Apologies, Cullen. I had enough sleep and enough… tea. I believe that might have been the cause to the unpleasant sleeping patterns.” He forcefully smiled but to Cullen it looked sincere and the Commander smiled in understanding.

“Well then, I should perhaps leave you be.”

“Just a moment, Commander.” Solas spat out as he straightened himself in his chair.

To his credit, Cullen approached the elf without surprise or confusion. He was intrigued to hear from his “competitor” if there were such a thing and if he actually bought into that thinking.

“I’m listening.” He pulled up the chair across from Solas’s desk and sat down.

“Let me just state the obvious: You have feelings for the Inquisitor. You’ve made that much obvious to myself – and the people of Skyhold.”

Cullen swallowed his embarrassment and instead deepened his gaze at the elf. His narrowed eyes confirmed Solas’s statement.

“You should know, that I also share the sentiment.”

He didn’t know why he said it to him. But he did know. He was lying to himself.

“But… I am not a jealous man. “ That was a lie. “Know that I will hold no grievances towards you if you should pursue anything.” That was also a lie.

“And I… yes. I also… must second everything you have just said, Solas. What we can agree on is that… we just want what is best for her.”

The two held each other’s gaze for a few more moments, each acknowledging that the other was lying through their teeth – all except on the matter that they DID indeed want what was best for her – but they wanted that something to be themselves.

“I can see why she does enjoy your company.” Solas smirked at the Commander, leaving him feel a bit uncomfortable.

“And… I hate to repeat everything you’ve said but I cannot help but also state the same for yourself. I’m sure you both bond over uh… elf history.”

 _Elf history? What in Andraste’s name was that?_ He berated himself inwardly waiting for the onslaught that might be coming his way. It was no secret Solas took offense to almost anything anyone said about elves or magic. But this time, Solas laughed and it wasn’t a bitter laugh or condescending either. It was as if he was really tickled by something.

“Elf history, Commander? I would have gone with our passion for magic and the Fade.” Solas wiped his mouth still recovering from the little fit of laughter.

“Ah yes… I suppose that, too.” The topic was an uncomfortable one for the former Templar and perhaps the elf knew it as well.

“I only state the truth. If you intend to pursue or have romantic inclinations toward Lavellan, you should know that magic will be a topic of discussion.”

“Nothing will change the way I feel about her, Solas. I’ve come a long way from the ignorant boy I once was and I will learn as time goes by.” He extended his hand to shake the apostate.  Solas stood and accepted the gesture and when their hands met, they both felt something neither one of them was expecting. They had the same size hands – though Cullen’s was thicker and buried under the leather cracked glove and Solas’s was cold to the touch and thinner. They both squeezed the other’s hand in agreement. A truce. All’s fair in love and war.

* * *

 

Lavellan could feel her face get more and more hot as she kept guzzling down another goblet of wine. Cullen chuckled at the sight of her inebriated state but was beginning to grow worried at the thought of her staggering her back to her room. What would the staff think? What would his men think?

“Inquisitor – perhaps you should… hold off on that? You are in quite a bit of a state I fear.” He chuckled warmly with his voice sounding a tad tired. Lavellan began to realize that she might be overstaying her welcome with the Commander.

“Goodness! How long have we been talking? I’ve… not a good head for time. Read for time. Not head.” She laughed nervously as she stumbled off of her seat. Cullen began to laugh at the elf’s embarrassment, she reminded him a lot of himself and perhaps that’s why he felt such a bond to the girl.

“Oh damn! What time is it? I’ve missed my lessons! Not that this wasn’t a lovely night. This was perfect really. Truly this was one of the most fun times I’ve had in such…” She sighed wearily. “… in such a long time.”

Cullen stood up abruptly in a bit of a panic. “I did not mean to take time from your lessons. Please, let me walk you to your chambers, you are in no state to walk alone at this hour. It’s much too dark and you might fall.”

“And how are you not also tripping over things like… m’self?” She hiccupped quite comically. He laughed in response and walked her out the door.

When they reached Solas’s rotunda, they noticed not a soul was in the tower at any level save for Leliana’s ravens. She inwardly pouted at the fact that he had already gone to bed without saying goodnight. (In her drunken state she didn’t put anything together.)

As they made their way up to the Inquisitor’s stairs, Cullen could hear rustling above in her room. Lavellan, who had been dragging her feet and scratching her face, thought she heard someone talking above her but assumed it was just Cole. She stopped Cullen from entering further through the doors suddenly.

“No worries, it’s just Cole. He tends to spend nights with me.”

Cullen’s expression turned red and surprised. “Oh, I did not realize that the two of you were… were…”

“Were sleeping together? Yes, well he knows I get lonely at night and usually want things.” She meant material things like water, comforting words, extra blankets, and tea from time to time. Cullen’s face looked worried and… hurt. It began to sink into Lavellan what he might have interpreted.

“Why are you so… Oh… OH! No… No not like that! He lit’rally just sleeps in the bed. Like a brother or cousin, you see? And he reads stories sometimes – well really I end up reading them because he likes to hear them. Oh, Creators…” She wished there was a way to take Alexius’s magic and rewind time… Dorian would have to teach her a spell one of these days.

Cullen sighed and shook his head while smiling softly. “You are…” He brought her petite hand to his lips and bowed. “Goodnight, my lady Inquisitor.”

 


	15. Adamant Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan's will is tested as she confronts Adamant. Her deepest fears are explored.

The fear in her hands was beginning to show. She couldn't hide it any longer from her comrades, but they, too, were beginning to break - save for Varric who was unquestionably making mental notes to describe the current situation in a future telling. Their encounters at the Western Approach had tested their resilience - but this current situation was testing her will.

As sweat dripped down her forehead and cascaded down her nose, she began to recollect what had happened in the last couple of weeks.

> The older gentleman dropped his warrior stance and greeted them warily. The cave smelled like spilled gin and damp water but it was unusually cozy in appearance. She could tell that his post had been kept secret for quiet awhile. 
> 
> "Inquisitor." The thickly mustached man bowed steadily. She could see his slight limp on his left side, as if he was recovering from strenuous activity... or age. His heavy Northern Orlesian accent did not hide itself and he did not pretend to care at the scoffing that was incited by Iron Bull from behind her.

She blinked fast to drive away memories that could impede her from her current dilemma. The impatience of Solas and the Iron Bull was beginning to be apparent to her. She swallowed hard and tried to drive the pit from her stomach from causing her to vomit. 

"Let's break at the stairs, you'll have to cover me from behind, Bull. Varric, be sure to get my left. Solas..." She turned to face him and simply nodded. No words need be spoken, for he knew what she meant by her very eyes.  _Make sure I don't die._

The sound of crackling whips and thuds exploded from above and she could no longer distinguish if they were good or bad sounds. Shouted commands from Commander Cullen could be heard in the distance behind her and it made her a little less scared knowing he was supporting her somewhere. 

Ever the observer, Iron Bull licked his teeth and let out a loud laugh. "This will be a good fight to drink to later, boss." His attempt at calming her distracted her for a few moments and she weakly smiled in response.

"I think Hawke's up in the battlements, Rosy. He'll be able to provide some needed back-up support." Varric was used to the unknown, but even he could not hide his uneasiness with darkspawn and corrupted Wardens throwing themselves at the Inquisition. 

As they made their way up the stairs, another memory shoved its way back.

> Livius Erimond resembled a distorted mirror image of Warden Stroud, but his eyes showed no capacity for warmth anymore. The intense heat from the sun made her dizzy and his narrow-minded comments and apathy for the deception he bestowed upon Wardens angered her. She could tell by Blackwall's heavy breathing that she might have to hold him back from lunging at the man. The Western Approach was exceptionally hot this time of year, and it didn't help that they'd just encountered leagues of darkspawn and undead beforehand. 
> 
> Erimond began to open his mouth and spout, no doubt, hate driven babble...

"Inquisitor, just up ahead! A Pride Demon!" Solas called out, snapping her back into reality. Her legs began to ache - they had been at this for a good two hours. Non-stop violence and push back from the corrupted Wardens left her weary and drained. As she began to conjure up energy to caste a lightning bolt - Solas grabbed her by the wrist and shook his head. 

"This demon is invulnerable to electricity... we've dealt with these before, Lavellan." The confusion plastered upon his face began to melt away when he saw her fearful expression.

He cupped her face between his two hands delicately and stared into her eyes. A faint smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

"You are capable of so much more than what you give yourself credit. Hold on to that indomitable will I know you possess. We will preserver...ma-... da'len."

Da'len... she heard him say, but for a moment she thought he had tried to call her something else. He mouthed out a "ma" but did not see it through. Ma... what? Vhenan? Ma da'len? Either way, he had let his guard down and she saw through his panicked eyes. These were not the eyes of a worried friend - they were the eyes of a worried lover. 

 She took another hard swallow and furrowed her eyebrows in determination. 

"Thank you, Lethallin. We shall."

As the Pride Demon cackled in the distance and thwarted any attempts for Inquisition soldiers to near it, she heard Varric call out from in front.

"Any day now!" He cast himself in a familiar purple shadow and when he reemerged, he was behind the demon setting up traps.

"Guess, I'll start the real action." Bull spit out the blood from his mouth from a cut he received during their earlier encounter with darkspawn. He held his giant axed hammer and let out a battle cry to get attention from the dark giant.

Blackwall and Cassandra's shouts from beneath them sparked her to begin fighting. Her close comrades were spread out in the castle trying to take control as much as they could. She could feel Vivienne's and Dorian's barriers in the distance as they attempted to prevent anyone else from interfering. As she breathed in to prepare herself a spell VIvienne had taught her, she began to remember her last encounter with the Commander.

> "Are you sure, Inquisitor?" Cullen looked tired with blood shot eyes. Lavellan thought about telling him the truth. The wheels from their carriage cart rustled against the leaves and mud. They had been traveling for a few days now.
> 
> _No, I'm not sure. I'm never sure. I'm terrified and I want to go home._ She pushed those thoughts aside because in the grand scheme of things, her problems were minute.
> 
> "Of course. Commander, I cannot have you join me and the others on the front line. We'll need your support leading the troops. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." To be fair, she also meant that on some romantic level - but she was really referring to how necessary he was to the Inquisition. 
> 
> "And... I couldn't bear the thought of you harmed and knowing I could have been there to..."
> 
> "We're nearing, Inquisitor." Solas abruptly appeared as he landed on the edge of the carriage. He did not mean to interrupt but only because he was truly unaware of what was transpiring between the two. His head poked into the cloth entry still unsure of what do say or do next. In his current state, he almost looked like one of Leliana's perched birds or almost, animal-like. He looked more youthful than she'd ever seen him before - almost invigorated.
> 
> "Thank you, Solas." She laughed at the sight of him. "You seem to be enjoying yourself."
> 
> He smirked and chuckled softly wearing his longing eyes. The elf sat himself down more comfortably and pulled out a parchment from his sleeve. 
> 
> "Commander. News from Lady Montilyet - she's feeling... unwell at the moment and asked me to deliver this personally."
> 
> Cullen sat upright and politely took the letter. He smiled sweetly to Solas - his expression was enough to know he said 'thank you.'
> 
> Solas began to open his mouth to say something...

"Inquisitor, behind you!"

Solas shrieked out as he set up a hasty barrier around Lavellan. It wasn't enough to stop the Pride Demon from pushing her off her post and into crates of ammunition that had been stacked in the corner. In the pile of things she found herself in, she saw a bag full of healing potions and... healing mist. Quickly, she threw it in the direction of a barely standing Varric and a badly bruised Bull.

As the Pride Demon neared her, she shakily tried to open a healing potion and realized it was a mana potion. She tried to desperately look for the other bottle and realized the shadow of the beast was cast over her. The others were fighting a second pride demon that emerged. Lavellan guarded her face, waiting for the monster to strike.

"Giving up already?" Hawke climbed over the edge of the castle and set the beast aflame with a spell. 

"Upsy Daisy!" He lifted her lithe body and dusted her off. "Can't have the Inquisitor die one us - that would be one more thing MY fault..." His eyes were brimming with excitement. She thought he might have actually enjoyed an opportunity for another challenge.

_Amazing. If I were ever half the person he was..._

She shook the thought. "No... I am here for a reason." She whispered to herself as she prepared another strike. She whistled the others for attention and motioned to move out of the demon's way. With a thrust of remaining mana she had left, she released a giant ice barrier enclosing one of them. The others smiled at the ferocity in her eyes. 

"Finish it." She said sternly to Bull. He raised his axe in response and slammed it against the ice sculpture without another word.

"Let's move out! Quickly!" She commanded. 


	16. Adamant Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team finds themselves in the Fade.

It all happened so suddenly. One minute Clarel was on the verge of bringing the Wardens over the brink, and the next she tussled with Erimond. And then it came.

A being she recognized all too well from Haven. 

Something she thought - she hoped - she'd never see again. 

As it leaned forward over the crowds of panicking Wardens and Inquisition soldiers, she met its eyes for just a brief second. Lavellan felt that moment last a lifetime. 

"Get to Clarel now!" She heard Blackwall call from behind her as he held off a few corrupted Wardens. She turned forward and nodded in the direction of each of her chosen companions she would take with her: Solas, Cassandra, Cole and Varric. Stroud and Hawke made it seem as if they were coming regardless. They would finish this. Iron Bull nodded knowing that his task would be to rally with Dorian and the rest to safety... Something he welcomed. Before she could turn around in Clarel's direction, she looked for Cullen in the distance, hoping he wasn't injured. 

"Now, Inquisitor!" The older Warden shouted as he was beginning to lose his footing. She jumped and chased after Clarel in a hurry. As the others followed closely behind, she began to feel light headed again.

 _Not the right time for that..._ she tried to push it from her thoughts again. Just then, she heard the screeching of the Archdemon from above and the blood curdling screams from the soldiers above. 

"Andraste save us all..." She heard Cassandra whisper to herself. The Seeker did not show outward fear, however. Yes, there was worriment - but nothing she couldn't handle. Lavellan thought to ask her about that once they got out of this situation. And then, almost as if it was planned for her to snap back into reality, an explosion went off in front of her. Solas grabbed her by the arm to pull her in and avoid the crater that was just created.

"Careful, Rosy! We can't have you die on us so soon!" Varric chortled out. How he could find humor in the situation was beyond Lavellan's comprehension, but she continued onward. They were nearing the frantic Clarel who was hell bent on distracting the Archdemon no doubt.

"1... 2... 3..." She softly whispered to herself as she tried to slow her heart beat. As the team made their way up the battlement opening, she saw Erimond thrown ahead of her. She could hear him murmur out something in an aggravated tone.

"I serve to fight the blight!" Clarel shouted in the distance. Lavellan had turned to look for her in the distance, when her eyes met the beast. In a flash Clarel was gone - presumably consumed by the beast, but then spit out as if she were no more than a used toy. The dark demon neared her team. Varric could be heard cursing next to her.

She slowly closed her eyes.

* * *

 

As she slowly came to consciousness again, Lavellan realized she was floating - upside down... in a green glow. And then, all at once, her body crashed against the surface she thought was the ceiling. Warden Stroud was 90 degrees on his side walking, just as confused as she was. 

"Where are we?" He muttered out to himself, not knowing the rest were behind him.

Lavellan looked around for the rest of her companions. She too was lost in thought when she whispered to herself, "Are we dead?"

"No. This is the Fade." Solas said calmly - almost happily. His eyes were fixed towards a blackened city skyline in the distance. 

"The Inquisitor opened a rift to pull us in - and we came through and we... survived. I never thought I'd fine myself here physically in the Fade." His smile frightened her. She knew not why, though she knew it had something to do with how calm he was when everyone else was seemingly in a quiet panic.

"Look! In the distance - The Black City... almost close enough to touch!" 

Her head began to swim with thoughts and as the others circled her, she realized she would have to be the one to get them out. 

"Solas... You've had more experience dealing with these types of... matters... or well the Fade in general really. Have an insight?"

He did not immediately respond as his eyes were still fixed on the Black City.

"This must be very exciting for you, Solas." She was uneasy at his calmness. "Any advice you have on what exactly's going on would be wonderful."

In a very uncharacteristic move, Solas completely ignored the Inquisitor's question and instead drew his direction to Cole was was fiddling with his hands nervously. 

"Cole - how does it feel to be back home?" 

Cole backed away in a panic once he realized the gravity of the situation. "I can't be here! Not like this - not like me!" 

Lavellan could hear Stroud ask Varric a question behind her - seemingly questioning what the boy meant.

The older elf calmly approached the young man and reassured him, "It's alright... we'll make it right." Cole began to mutter out how the Fade was unlike how he remembered it.

"It's a little bit more complicated than we have time to explain, Warden." Lavellan heard Varric reply back to Stroud. Solas continued to ease the nerves of his friend all the while. 

"I don't remember it like this either. Granted - we're physically here instead of in a dream." Hawke piped up in response to Cole's worriment. His body was still halfway floating sideways on an unseen plane. 

"The stories say you walked out of it back in Haven - was it like this?" Hawke's eyes met the Inquisitor's.

"I... don't remember. I still can't remember what happened the last time I was here." Lavellan began to take a few more steps in an attempt to ease the throbbing in her chest. 

"Well whatever happens - we can't assume we're safe here. The demon was right on the other side of the rift Erimond was using and there could be others."

Cassandra stood silently, crouched over listening to everyone speak. It was clear she was was out of her comfort zone completely.

The group began to make their way forward - unsure of where the path would lead them or if there was even any chance of them getting out. Cole continued to fidget with his hands and hat which was now almost completely tattered. As she took a few more steps, Lavellan thought of the situation and began to chuckle softly to herself not intending anyone to listen.

"And what - praytell - do you find so amusing?" Cassandra spat out. 

"Oh nothing really - except everything."

"Now you're beginning to sound like the kid." Varric said offhandedly. 

"Well, it's as you said Varric... the strangest shit happens to me. I should probably win an award for this." Lavellan laughed a bit louder. 

"An award previously bestowed upon me but I gladly give it up, Inquisitor." Hawke chortled. "Well, anyways, if we're to spend eternity here - at least I'm surrounded by good friends." 

Varric scoffed. "Speak for yourself, I need to get out of this shithole." 

* * *

 

She was sure she was going in circles. In fact, she KNEW she was going in circles. Her teammates didn't say or offer any advice as they had little clue to where she would be headed anyways. Her second time around this part of the Fade and she discovered random objects in the middle of rock formations as if so purposely put. This didn't help ease her nerves at all. She could hear Hawke joking jovially with Varric as they both recounted tales of their previous adventures. Solas was surprisingly quiet compared to earlier. Perhaps he could sense her unease at the entire situation. Cole would whisper few words every so often and then shake his head as if he was trying to rid himself of his thoughts. 

Lavellan could see beyond the mist a few more rounded formations. Uniform formations.

As she walked steadily closer, she realized they were tombstones. Cassandra grunted, letting Lavellan know she wished to go no further. Throughout their roundabouts, her friends found pieces of clues throughout and some were manifestations of their own minds. Lavellan nodded at the Seeker, understanding that she would hold the rest behind while she explored further. Cole followed closely behind Lavellan as a pup to his mother. Solas took a few steps to follow her but then hesitated and turned his back. To her, she seemed as if he remembered something and then realized he shouldn't look at the grave. She wondered why.

Her grip on the staff tightened. The first grave had her name marked. She hated that name - it's why she went the route Hawke did and insisted that everyone refer to her by her surname. There were a few vines covering the bottom of it and she moved to see what the Fear Demon that so obviously made the site wrote beneath her name. 

"Faulted failure." She swallowed hard - and as she looked at the other tombstones, she noticed her team members names written on them as well. She looked at Cole and his eyes were panicked. Her tiny hands rubbed the torn shirted shoulders of the younger man. Without realizing it, she cooed at him reassuringly. It was a tiny "shush" that her mother would do to her when she was younger. 

As she went down the line one by one reading everyone's greatest fears she came to both Solas and Cullen's tombstones that were both coincidentally side by side. Coincidental? No. These were purposeful. At the same time, she moved the brush from off both of them.

Her eyes widened at the sight.

"Dying alone." Read Solas's.

"Dying a monster." Read Cullen's.

She straightened her face once she heard the others call from behind her. Solas's fear was understandable and one she very much could relate to - but it was so unlike him. Had he not wandered the last few years alone? Had he not made it known that he preferred solidarity more than anything - and yet... he feared what he set himself to do. Perhaps all his alone time was due to something in his past.

_He's always so short with me about his previous life. Now I... I wonder what could have made him push others out for so long?_

And then there was the matter of Cullen. Sweet Cullen who was no more harmful to her than a kitten. Everyone could see through his rugged exterior he so desperately tried to show. How could he possibly see himself a monster? Or why would that be his greatest fear?

As she made her way back to the group, she caught a glimpse of Varric polishing Bianca behind a seated Hawke. She remembered her brief conversation with the dwarf just before the Emerald Graves. "Don't bring lyrium." It was the general tone. Of course, she knew of lyrium's effects but - Cullen seemed in control of himself and was no longer a Templar. Why should he worry?

If they ever made it out of this, she knew she would have to let everyone know what she saw. For now, she shrugged off their questions and declined to elaborate on what she saw. There was no time. They had to make it out.

* * *

Cullen charged towards the group of panicked Wardens and Inquisition warriors. His eyes rapidly searched for any sign of her, but to no avail.

"What in Andraste's name happened?" He shouted at Iron Bull.

"The boss - she... well she ran off to get Clarel and..."

"She just poof! Vanished in some green shite!" Sera spat out as she knocked a few Wardens out of her way. Her arrows had long been exhausted and she used what she could to deter the rest away from her immediate group.

"Green... Well push onward and keep a lookout for her will you?" He lunged his body towards the pit of people.

_I'll never forgive myself if..._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck and haven't had enough creative juice. Also, Thanksgiving planning is a bitchhhhh. <3


	17. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan recounts her Fade experience. It leaves her uneasy but raises additional questions about people she thought she knew.

Lavellan hadn't sobbed like she did after Adamant in years. The experience left her feeling helpless - a feeling she could not afford anymore. It was a cold hard slap in the face by the universe to wake her up. Her naivety and idealism began to fade after that night. Her rested head against the back of the Inquisition cart began to throb again. She told everyone to leave her alone while they rode back to Skyhold under the guise that she needed to plan out her next steps in solidarity.

These were lies. There were no plans made.

Only sobbing. Silent sobbing of which only Cole could hear. He sat on top of the carriage cart making sure to halt or stop anyone attempting to enter.On the other side of the carriage and possibly on another, she could hear Sera and Blackwall count out numbers. She dared not ask or think about what they were counting. She lost track after 153. Lavellan could feel the healing magic Solas was using from afar. Her magic abilities since Haven had become heightened but perhaps Solas knew that. Perhaps he knew that she knew he was healing her from the distance. 

She pressed her eyelids together. 

> "Go! I'll cover you!" Shouted Hawke as the giant beast inched closer. 
> 
> "No! A Warden was responsible for this... a Warden must..." Stroud was cut off.
> 
> "A Warden must help rebuild!" Hawke smiled at the older man.
> 
> Lavellan looked at Hawke who seemingly made up his decision on the matter. He braced himself for battle. 
> 
> "Hawke..." She sadly whispered. " _Don't go."_ She meant to say. _"I'll stay."_ But she was too frightened to speak. 
> 
> He nodded charmingly towards her and bittersweetly said, "Take care of Varric for me." And just like that... he took off.

She moaned at the memory and tried to stop herself from crying. Her tears began to burn the corner of her eyes. Her gritted teeth prevented her from wailing. The memory she couldn't shake off was his smile. He knew what had to be done. He should have been the hero to rid them of Corypheus - not she. She was not prepared and she certainly was no warrior. 

A light tap startled her to straighten herself as best as she could.

"We are nearing now, Inquisitor." Cole's soft voice sang through the panels of wood. 

"Ah... yes that is fine. How much longer would you say?"

"I'd say... 15 minutes or so."

He knew she was a mess. He gave her ample time to dry her tears and appear confident. She had to. There were so many angry with her decision to banish the Wardens. Blackwall especially and most understandably. Varric, she feared, was not angry but even worse - felt betrayed. His best friend... used as a sacrifice. The one she'd heard so many stories about. The look in his eyes was the first time she'd ever seen Varric that mortified. 

"Inquisitor?" Her carriage door opened slowly. This voice was not Cole's and for a moment she was annoyed with the fact that he would let anyone in.

"Yes?" 

"I'm going to take you to your room directly. We've parted from the rest."

It's true. She didn't hear the whispers of people in neighboring carts and horses... all she could hear was her own. She draped her scarf around her head in an effort to shield her face. Her small hands pushed the door open to find the Commander standing before her.

"I did not recognize your voice just now, Commander. Apologies." Her voice was unusually cold, but the pain was not meant for Cullen and he knew that too.

He offered his hand to her and she accepted. Instead of letting go as she stepped off the platform, she held onto it and tightened her grip.

"Are you ill with me as well, Commander?" She asked genuinely, almost painfully. He twisted her body so that her eyes met his suddenly.

"Never." He pushed away the tiny strands of hair that fell in front of her eyes. "Never, do you hear me? I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to make a decision with that much gravity. I trust your leadership, Inquisitor. We all do - though some may not understand it at the moment. You are not at fault for what happened to Hawke. Corypheus is. And we shall stop him." 

He looked away from her suddenly as if he realized his face was mere inches away from hers. As if he let his guard down and she wondered why he had it up to begin with. She smiled at the passion in his voice. The pain did not cease but at least she knew that he was not at odds with her decision. 

"Cullen..." She began as she raised the hand that gripped his. "In the Fade... I..." How would she word this? Would it be wrong to admit that she saw a part of him he shielded. To admit that she pried into her comrades greatest fears through the temptation of simply just knowing?

"Yes, Inquisitor?" A lock of one of his golden curls parted from his pompadour and fell gently against his forehead. His lips slowly parted in anticipation of what she might say.

He was so handsome, she thought. In times like these, when he looked at her so longingly, she forgot about her plain appearance - because to him, she looked otherworldly. 

"I... was just so afraid... I'd never see... any of my friends and you again." She looked towards her feet. She couldn't admit what she saw be the first thing she did getting back to Skyhold. 

"I was terrified that I'd never see you again. I would have never forgiven myself if something else had happened to you, my lady." He inched closer to her and raised his other hand to cup her petite face. After crying her eyes out for the last several days, the events that transpired at Adamant left her vulnerable. Hypersensitive to the tiniest matters. Their gaze deepened and Cullen suddenly spoke out.

"Shall I kiss you?" 

Her eyes widened. Did he mean to say that aloud? But Cullen's expression did not change. He meant it.

"You owe me nothing... and I shall expect nothing more afterwards if that is your wish but... I pray you'll let me."

Her head tilted as if presenting herself to him and his mouth crashed upon hers at the gesture - not a moment was wasted. His tongue danced with hers and in the intense moment he pushed her against the cart. It was in tie with the most erotic moment in her life. The other being - her equally impassioned kiss with the older apostate. 

They both heard coughing from behind. An announcement that there was another presence.

Cole stood behind them when they lifted their heads to see who was there.

His eyes were narrowed in Cullen's direction. 

"I will take her to her room now." His voice was not kind and it was not whimsical as it usually was. He was enraged at the sight - and it made her uneasy.

"Cole... of course. I..." She turned to the redfaced Commander. 

"I'll see you soon, Cullen... Cole will take me to my room. Thank you."

 _Thank you? What the hell am I thanking him for - kissing me?_ She became redfaced as well. 

"Cole?" 

Cole stomped towards her and carefully gripped her hand but not before meeting the Commander's eyes with anger and suspicion. 

As they made their way to her room through the back courtyard, Lavellan could still feel the warmth of Cullen's lips on her. She used her other hand to gently touch her lips. 

"He's not well yet and he knows. He knows you are not well yet either." Cole said to her innocently, almost apologetically. She didn't want to inquire further however... she just wanted to sleep on her bed. 


	18. Unusual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas pries into Cullen's nightmare.

For some reason, she thought it a good idea to tell Solas what transpired between her and the ex-Templar. Perhaps it was the guilt in knowing she was "seeing" two men at the same time, or perhaps it was to get some sort of emotion out of him. But he responded as she quite thought he would. With very little outward emotion and merely an acknowledgement.

"Ah. Well, I wish you happiness if this is the path you so choose." He said softly with his eyes still transfixed on the tome he was reading. For a moment she saw his eyebrow had flicked much like he would do when Sera would say something offensive or... anything really.

"It's not a path, Solas. It is something that occurred unexpectedly... and I have not made up my mind. I've let Cullen know that well enough. I - I... anyways... I shouldn't be even thinking about this. And I quite don't know why I even brought it to your attention. We've... been through so much... And I'm still trying to get Varric and Blackwall to look in my direction. I just - I suppose, I don't want to lose your friendship in case you heard it from someone else. Not that I assume you think of me anymore than I do of you." She was rambling she knew. What else could she say?

Solas's eyes parted from the tome and when his eyes met hers, she noticed a dark glimmer. 

"I am not cross with you. We have not declared our undying love... written poems... even held each other - just the faintest of touches. We shared a special moment and we are still dear friends. Cullen is a good man. I can see he cares quite deeply for you..." He paused and lifted himself from his chair. "But you are not incorrect in thinking you should give yourself time... You are however incorrect in thinking I do not think of you." His delicate hand met her face and he traced a faint scar on her cheek that was still healing. "The others will come around in due time." 

"Moments like this make it so hard to read you, Solas..." She chuckled softly. "If only you were both one man. Haha!" She shook her head in disbelief of what she just said. 

"I mean... I..." They both chuckled at the awkwardness in the situation.

"Quite alright, vhenan." Solas said without thinking. Trying to stop her from responding to his statement, he continued. "I should return to these studies. Please... get some sleep tonight. I can sense your aura diminishing." 

She was wide eyed at his offhanded endearment, but instead of saying anything else she nodded and walked away. 

As she shut the door behind her, he sank back into his chair with a deep sigh. Yes, he was in love. Yes, he knew he couldn't have her for long. Yes, he still selfishly wanted a moment's happiness with her. But, he was beginning to love her deeper than he wanted - not that he planned on ever falling in love. Cullen could protect her, take care of her... love her - and perhaps one day, provide her with children. All things Solas could not say for himself, though he daydreamed of it more often than he liked to admit to himself.

But was Cullen a good man? He still smelled of lyrium and cracked under pressure - could he be reliable enough? How much did he really know of the Templar?

Solas brought his quill to his lips and thought for a few moments. The last time he had spoken to Cullen one on one was at Val Royeaux. As he sat contemplating how to approach Cullen, Dorian came from behind quietly.

"Are you finished with that? It's really of no use to you, Solas. You aren't one for picking up on the subtleties of Tevinter texts... leave it to a 'Vint', will you?" He snatched the glowing tome from the elf's lap. Solas snapped his head up a little annoyed at his blunt behavior, but coincidentally he was finished with his notes so he did not protest. 

"Now... I know what you're thinking: 'How can I best a strapping young Templar?' 'Shall I grow long curls? Wear fluffy pauldrons?' 'Perhaps ask that gorgeous mage upstairs for due advice?'" He feigned reading from the tome casually with narrowed eyes.

Solas rolled his eyes, unamused by the mage's attempts to meddle in his business once again.

"Are you done?"

"Not in the least bit, my icy friend!" Dorian leaned against the desk with a goofy grin on his face, ready to pester the older mage senselessly.

"You know - you being  _such_ a huge love of the Fade - of which I'd like to record your experience whenever you have time... but you know as well as I that you can see into the deep recesses of a person in their dreams, can you not?" Dorian's plan was intended for Lavellan - so that perhaps Solas could admit his true feelings to her in the Fade where they shared their first kiss. But a different plan embedded itself in Solas's mind. 

_Interesting... Normally, I would not intrude upon people's place of solitude but... I'll see what the Commander truly feels... and what he hides in his dreams. Perhaps this will give me a better peace of mind that she is in good hands._

"For once in your shallow life, you're right Dorian." Solas said with a smirk. Dorian himself did not scoff or become offended to Solas's cruel words, instead he chuckled and was in disbelief that Solas could be so agreeable.

The elf lifted himself against from his chair and made his way to the chaise sofa he would frequently nap on throughout the day. 

Dorian watched the lithe elf sway his way to the chair. In another world, his plain appearance might have once been much more than what everyone else saw. Dorian could tell that his mere humble appearance he wore these days was perhaps the opposite of what Solas looked like in his youth. He huffed as he made his way upstairs.

* * *

Cullen decided it was now or never. If he wasn't going to rest for a few hours now, he'd have to wait until after tomorrow's training and after staying up for 2 days filing reports and training recruits, he felt he wouldn't be able to go on without a quick sleep. He removed his armor, his pauldrons, and finally shook off his maned hair. His thin white blouse barely hid his imposing figure, but when he looked at his reflection in the mosaic glass next to his bed, he saw a distorted red monster stare back at him. The creature with faint features of Cullen's grinned back at him menacingly.

"You'll not win." He said to himself softly. he disassembled himself onto his bed and threw his quilted comforter on top. Before he fully closed his eyes, he thought he could smell something faintly floral. 

 _Just a few hours._ Slowly, he begins to sleep.

* * *

Cullen's energy was easy to pull for Solas - quite easier than anyone he's ever pulled into before. He was vulnerable and none too good at hiding himself in the Fade. 

His dream started pleasant enough. He is a young boy skipping rocks in a nearby creek. An older girl's voice can be heard calling from behind him but the tiny blonde boy with patched pants furrows his eyebrows and ignores the call. His expression is quite adorable for a young boy and Solas can't help but chuckle at the sight of a once large, strong man reduced to his child form.

He looks like a boy no older than 5 - but his frame is much more delicate than boys his age. 

 _A sickly boy, perhaps?_ Solas's apparition is transparent to Cullen as he stands close to the boy.

The boy continues to skips stones for a few more moments until he suddenly realizes he's thrown something he was not meant to. He jumps into the pond, soaking his pants and unfurling his curly hair. Cullen's eyes widens and panics as he nears the deeper end.

He struggles to keep himself afloat and then suddenly a deformed creature emerges from the water in front. It's much more ghastly than any Red Lyrium Templar, Solas has seen on the field. The eyes are a piercing gold color and when Solas looks a little deeper - he can make out facial features.

A scar.

On the left side of the upper lip. 

It was Cullen's internal projected fear of himself - of what he could become. And then it all begins to make sense to Solas. He is still addicted to lyrium and facing withdrawal complications and battling his inner demons every night. 

The creature takes the boy by the shoulder and attempts to drag him down, while Cullen - now a young man - tries helplessly to escape its clutches. 

In full Templar armor and much more curled hair, Cullen breaks free and swims back ashore. He pants loudly and gasps for air trying to compose himself. 

Behind him, Solas can see another demon emerge, but having seen enough of this he casts a spell to drive it away so that the Commander could have some decent sleep. Cullen looks behind him and is surprised to see the beast back away and disappear altogether. He faintly smiles - perhaps under false thinking that he is beginning to drive them out on his own. Solas's gaze towards him softens and he genuinely empathizes with him. To constantly see a nightmare every night - that is what he lived every day. In a way they were mirror opposites. His only solace is at night in the Fade or... with her.

How similar and dissimilar they were. And as he propped his head next to his staff and pondered for a moment what to do next, he heard another faint calling behind him.

"Cully! Cul!" 

Cullen turns around to see a young woman with curled brown hair run towards him with a peeved expression.

"There you are! Mother's sore with you, young man. Get home this instant!" She bops him on top of his curled head with a piece rolled up towel. Cullen sheepishly shrugs and gets up, no longer soaked from his jump in the pond.

As Solas straightens himself and prepares to pull himself back, Cullen looks over his way and smiles faintly. 

* * *

 

Solas opened his eyes slowly, mystified.

No one had ever been able to see him in their dreams before. But perhaps it was a misunderstanding on his part. Coincidental. There was no way he could...

_Knock knock._

Solas wondered why anyone would be knocking due to it being such an open space. People simple just walk through his little area. 

"Yes?" Solas said still seated on his chaise.

Cullen walked in slightly red in the face and looked away from the elf. 

"Might I have a word? In my study, if you would?" He stayed within the doorway and looked almost frightened.

"Of course." Solas stood and followed the Commander outside. They walked silently side by side.


	19. Shall We Dance?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh sorry about this belated chapter. And it's short too but I was contemplating where to go with it. My other fic has got a niche crowd and ive been kind of influenced by it. Lot of implications in this chapter.

It was easy enough to mimic the movements of Josephine and Vivienne. Leliana had been a tad more patient with her learning the nuances of uniform ballroom dancing and so she called upon her to teach her late into the night. Lavellan was as fast a learner as the next person, but she put in extra effort every night on her own, practicing in her room. 

"You look like a butterfly." Cole happily chirped as he swayed his legs back and forth sitting atop a shelf. Lavellan smirked in his direction but repeated the steps aloud as she swayed back and forth to the music in her head. She raised and lowered her arms at the appropriate times, but after a few minutes of the repeated steps, she began to feel self conscious.

"Cole, do I look like a machine when I dance?"

Cole paused and went over in his head what she could mean. Machines were metallic and had no souls, and Lavellan certainly wasn't any of those things. But he remembered the books Cassandra read and he knew that at times people would compare themselves to inanimate objects. The moments in silence were making Lavellan feel even more unsure of herself, but she patiently waited for his response. After a few more moments of reconciling his thoughts he smiled.

"You look like a butterfly!"

Lavellan giggled cheerfully. A knock at the door sounded.

"Come in! It's open." As gracefully as she could she twirled around and repeated the steps, hoping to impress whom she thought was Leliana. Footsteps sounded behind her as they made their way up the stairs, but she stayed focused and held her chin high. 

> "Chin up and back jutted forward, darling." Vivienne bit into an apple as she watched over Lavellan's struggled attempts to adjust herself.
> 
> "How in the world can a back be forward?" She whispered to herself.

 Her arms floated in front of her and she held her invisible partner steadily. She secretly hoped that whomever she danced at the ball with would not be too tall.

"You dance beautifully." 

Solas stood behind her with his arms crossed behind his back, statuesque.

She stopped abruptly, surprised that he would come at this hour to her chamber.

"Solas! I was not expecting you." She patted her flared skirt down. Her hands had suddenly become very clammy. 

"I knew I would not have awoken you... You tend to be up later than the rest of Skyhold. I have something that might be of use tomorrow." He handed her a slip of what seemed to be regular parchment. He sauntered towards the corner from which Cole sitting above. Her eyes read the words carefully and she took a second to take it all in before heaving a sigh.

"Just what I needed: More rules." She held her petite fingers to her mouth as she traced her closet. Cole watched her carefully knowing her thoughts about the uniform she had to wear. 

" _Fit for human men... Not Elvhen women_... But you look strong and they will fear you... Ah, but that's not what you want." Cole seemed to be having a conversation with someone else entirely but she knew better than to ask.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" Lavellan looked towards Solas. Truthfully, she wanted to stop Cole from reading any other inner thoughts which were becoming more intensive by the second. Solas smiled warmly but held his head downwards.

"What's not to look forward to? I quite enjoy idle banter and murder schemes hiding behind every corner."

But he wasn't joking, and this she knew because he seemed to look devilish under the shadow of Cole and the book shelf. He seemed youthful in the warm glow of the candlelight. It stirred something in her. He had a way with making her feel so insignificant but not directly - no, he would never purposefully condescend her as he would the other patrons of her Inquisition. She collected her thoughts for a few more moments before clearing her throat and moving on to the next item of clothing laid upon her bed.

A ruffled undershirt. It confounded her. Why in Thedas would she need such an expensive piece of clothing for something no one - save for herself - would ever see that day? It was pretty enough, and she thought to herself if she could possibly get away with wearing it on a mission. She'd prefer something looser and more comfortable than the mage armor she'd been given by Cullen. He'd meant well and had the best intentions in mind, but the garment was hideous and hardly provided support. 

"You think funny things sometimes." Cole giggled to himself. Lavellan shot him a judgmental look playfully.

"Cole, how about you come down and help me pack, will you?" 

The spirit gracefully landed below and began collecting her grouped items of clothing. He had a pleasant content face on him as though he was hiding something from both Solas and Lavellan. A secret only he knew.

"Well then... I bid you farewell until tomorrow morning." Solas arched himself forward from the wall he'd been leaning on and took a slight bow. And then, almost as though he'd forgotten something, he took a deeper bow.

"Perhaps I should practice a more formal way of greeting and parting from you... given the weekend's circumstances." When he raised his head, Lavellan could see that mischievous smile on his face again. 

Lavellan cocked her head to her side and dramatically mimicked him in a very formal curtsy. 

"You are MOST kind, Sir Solas." 

Surprised by her playfulness - and at this hour - he laughed loudly holding his hand over his mouth. "Very good, vhe - quisitor. Inquisitor... Ah... very good." There it was again. He couldn't get away with it this time. The moment he tried to turn away her hand caught his arm and she pulled him towards her as he had done to her in the Fade after Haven.

His silver bewildered eyes met hers but before he could formulate words on his lips, hers clashed into his. It caught them both by surprise. Both of their actions seemed like the first time. Her lips felt like cool satin upon his warm ones. It felt like electricity had sparked between the two. Perhaps it had, because the moment they broke apart it almost seemed like some unseen force drew them back together. This time, her tongue swiftly made its entrance into his mouth and his enthusiastically responded. 

> "I saw you... you were there and you helped me. And now I must ask: Why?" Cullen pushed his lower back against his desk and folded his arms across his broad chest. Solas suddenly realized their proximity to one another and the size difference between the two. 
> 
> "You needed assistance. I felt your aura in the Fade and had sensed your feeling of endangerment. Forgive me if I was being too intrusive." He held his own. He would be intimidated and especially not by the likes of him. 
> 
> The Commander faintly blushed out of embarrassment. He took a deep sigh as he looked away and then ran his thick and through his disheveled curls. 
> 
> "No... It's actually, I appreciate what you did in all honesty... I just - I fear this will be never ending." 
> 
> Solas sat up from the wooden stool, intrigued by what the Commander was trying to sputter. 
> 
> "Your demons will only haunt you if you allow yourself to be haunted. The lyium withdrawal plays but a small role in that."
> 
> The two stared at each other. Both waited for the other to say something. Cullen's amber eyes pleaded with Solas for something. But what?

"I'm sorry - " Solas broke his lips from hers reluctantly. He lowered his head and then met her eyes.

"We really shouldn't." His hands still clasped her arms. She could tell he wasn't talking to her but rather himself. 

"I understand, Solas." Her gentle features mocked his angry eyes. And before she could question him, he was down the stairs. 

She exhaled loudly and suddenly as though she'd been stabbed in the chest.

Cole stayed quiet where he stood. He knew they'd forgotten his presence but he also sensed that she might need him again.

Lavellan threw her body onto her bed and began to silently weep, or rather, she fought with herself not to weep. Cole appeared next to her and whispered a lullaby she'd sung him a previous night. It was very soft but comforting. His freezing hands gently swept a few strands from her face. 

* * *

The Commander did it again. It was the only way he could sleep even for a moments rest. He didn't like doing it - well, perhaps he did during bt certainly not after. A wave of guilt rushed over him as he rubbed his handkerchief on his exposed and drenched stomach. There was a lot this time, but he couldn't help himself. He'd tried to be chaste the entire duration of his arrival in Skyhold.

He threw the piece of cloth on the other side of the room and exhaled. All he could think about was that soft kiss. Those glimmering eyes. 

It was driving him mad. 


	20. The Right Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say? Life kind of got in the way of writing. But I'm back at it. <3

Lavellan waited for a few moments before raising herself out of the warmth of the cushioned bed. Cole lay dreamily beside her as he clutched a crocheted pillow. The elven girl sat up looking towards the distance out of the window of her room. Her eyes drifted lazily to the pillows again but she remembered that much had to be done before her departure to Halamshiral. Josephine planned to meet with her early that afternoon.

She sighed into her pillow. An icy hand briefed her back for an instant and she jumped in response.

"Cole!"

 The boy merely gives a sheepish grin but continued to rub her back where she'd been holding tension. She didn't resist. How could she? Though the boy only meant to heal some part of her pain. She moved her body slowly to face him. 

The two icy speckles stared back at her questioning their intimate moment. How strange she must appear to him, she thought briefly. For a moment Cole looked as though he wanted to say something. He parted his lips open ever so slightly before taking a large gulp of air in and moving out of the bed.

She laid her on her back and started up to the ceiling wondering what the others must have been up to. Then, as she took a deep breath in through her nose, it appeared again. 

Lavender. 

Overpoweringly present - unlike the other few times. She'd forgotten that it had happened a few times before and the last time it had was before she'd meet Hawke. 

She picked herself up in one movement and when she sat up, she saw the balcony doors shuttering in and out as if someone ran out the door. 

"Cole?" 

But the boy had disappeared once again. She assumed it must have been him leaving in a rush and thought nothing of it. Still, she brought herself up the bed and toward the clattering doors to shut them still. 

She thought again about the kiss - the regret that rushed over Solas's face when she pulled away.

Lavellan sighed as she leaned against the Orlesian doors. 

"What are you hiding?" 

* * *

"Goodness, Commander... You need not be so stubborn." Josephine half pouted and half giggled at the struggling Commander.

The tall blonde man tried again tying the end of his sash in his decorated belt. But once again, it unfurled.

"Anyways... Why must wear put on such a splendor for these people again?" 

"It's formality and crucial in making the Inquisition appear diplomatic and formidable... And it wouldn't hurt us to indulge in the finer things in life once and awhile." Her petite hands fastened his sash through the belt. The baby blue silk felt cool on her fingers and for a moment, Josephine remembered her first dance. She sighed romantically at the thought of having Blackwall sweep her off her feet and onto the dance floor. Cullen smirked at the lovesick expression but quietly refrained from poking at the subject. Like himself, Josephine appreciated privacy. 

"My lady... What is the time to leave?" Blackwall entered her temporary Orlesian office sheepishly. He looked around the plain room to see if anyone else was as early as he was for departure. Her note asked everyone to meet outside the Orlesian office in the foyer.

They had arrived two days prior, half of them sick from the travel rations they stacked. An odd mold seemed to have caused them food poisoning and when they arrived, they each shut themselves into their rooms until the day of the event. The chefs they had brought along were confused and embarrassed, but the head chef was convinced it had been the "blond imp elf" trying to prank the staff yet again. Sera, who had been oddly quiet the journey over and even more so once the illnesses occurred, had acted more tame than everyone was accustomed to - and only Blackwall knew that she had indeed accidentally contaminated more than the staff's portion of food stowed away. Because of this, he had been oddly on his toes making sure to clear the name of his dear friend - he knew she was on thin ice with the rest of the group.

Cullen noticed Blackwall's cautious demeanor and responded before Josephine could.

"I believe we leave once everyone has gathered - the time on the note clearly means nothing to the majority of your comrades." He half snickered, but Josephine could tell he was losing his patience.

"Now now... I'm sure they are on their way soon. The Inquisitor was quite excited to be attending tonight - also quiet nervous. I do hope she doesn't say something too impulsive in front of the court." The lady ambassador motioned for the Grey Warden to sit - to which he obliged politely. The two held each other's gaze momentarily.

"But of course she will, darling. But daring..." Vivienne floated into the room with a grace unchallenged by the others in the room - as she always did. She picked up a strawberry from the nearby platter of food the chefs laid out and bit into the succulent fruit. "... that is what makes our dear Inquisitor the leader she is. The court are used to the highly civilized, pampered guests they regularly get - they won't be able to tell if her 'impulsiveness' as you call it is that or... strategic... opportunistic. Catch them while they expose their dark underbellies and they practically become putty in your hands."

Her sinister observation made Blackwall furrow his eyebrows - he did not trust the Lady Vivienne and even much less when she would say things of that nature. The Commander merely raised his eyebrow and continued to adjust his outfit in the mirror. Uniformity was usually appreciated among soldiers - but Cullen thought the Inquisition's uniforms looked too Orlesian for his Ferelden taste. The only thing he disliked more than disorganization was subservience.

Josephine smiled nervously at Vivienne's sharp comments but she knew better than to over analyze the words of Madame de Fer. For she knew that Vivienne's presence in the group was a strategic ploy for herself. Yes, though she often played the most innocent, Josephine knew that even the most well intentioned people don't give out kindness for free. 

The four chatted briefly over the attendees that would be at the ball that night and thought strategically what everyone was responsible for. The Inquisitor chose Solas, Cassandra, and Varric to accompany her on direct missions on the property grounds while the rest would stand by and recruit as many agents as possible. Vivienne and Josephine expressed worriment over the decision to bring Sera and Cole at all given their behaviors as of late. 

"One is too childish - too improper to bring... and the other... well quite frankly, is a demon." Vivienne said as a matter-of-factly.

"Now hold on, my lady. It's true, Sera can be a little - unorthodox - but she's proved herself to be a valuable team player on the field. Cole is... odd. But, he too, has proven himself a formidable player while out. If I may, lady ambassador..." He stood from his chair defiantly. "I'd like to make a suggestion. Why not keep them hidden at the palace instead? I wager Bull would also greatly benefit from hiding in the shadows as well. They can observe and keep track of any suspicious activity from various levels." Blackwall blushed slightly.

Before anyone could respond, the door behind them opened again. The Inquisitor clad in her new armor/uniform came in looking uncomfortable and tense. 

"Apologies for running late, everyone. I hadn't the slightest idea how to attach... _this."_ She clenched the blue sash in her hand. Josephine's face dropped when she saw how wrinkled and messy the blue cloth had become from the constant fidgeting. 

"Oh! ...Why don't... Here I'll just have you use mine... I had a feeling this would happen to some of you." She unfastened her sash and quickly tied it effortlessly onto the Inquisitor's body. Lavellan stretched out her arms while Josephine reattached the decorum and realized the previous tension in the room.

"Have I missed something?" She further looked around the room to notice the lack of her men and women in the room. "And the rest? They know to be here soon, yes?"

Cullen walked over to her slowly and smiled affectionately. "I'll call for them if they are not here in the next few minutes, my lady."

Vivienne's expression turned sour at the sight. The Grey Warden read her face as she observed the other three chatting among themselves. Something did not sit right with him - the woman always appeared to be scheming. Though they had made some great progress over the last year, he couldn't fully trust her the way he did with the others, but then... who was he to judge a person who withheld secrets?

Slowly, the rest of the Inquisition trickled - most of whom had some part of their uniform missing, much to the chagrin of Josephine. Leliana appeared to be more lively - more youthful than she ever had been with the rest. Lavellan could see she was in her realm. It was one of the few chances she'd seen Leliana "let her guard down" - or at the very least - appear to be. Solas was the last to walk in and tried to slink away into the back of the room. He was trying very hard not to be detected by Lavellan and perhaps it was for the best. He could see she had been in deep conversation with the Commander and did not wish to distract her.

From afar they looked natural together - perhaps not the most evenly matched couplet in the room, but their chemistry was undeniable. It lasted a few seconds, but in those few moments, he felt time freeze. He did not feel his body and he was merely observing everyone in the room as a fly on the wall might have. No one seemed to notice he was there either - and perhaps that's how it should have been - perhaps that's what it ought to have been from the start. He often wondered what caused him to directly include himself in the search for the orb. He could have easily worked within the shadows, hired someone to pose as an accomplice, disconnect himself altogether... but his year traveling back around the lands since Uthenera left him craving interaction.

> "You are not an elf." The old Keeper said suddenly, cutting off Solas's explanations. He did not seem angry with Solas, but he spoke so bluntly that he ought to have been. The old elf picked himself up from the withered log he sat on. The elven children that had previously eagerly waited for Mr. Solas's stories on Arlathan, seemed shocked and hesitant to defend their new friend.
> 
> "I stand before you as much an elf as you, Keeper Arrosi." It hurt him a bit. Tired, and left disenchanted from his previous attempts, he had thought he made some sort of headway with the children at the very least. This was the furthest he had gone with a clan."
> 
> "I've heard you speak, boy -" Oddly flattering of him to call him such, "You speak of cities like the ones humans inhabit - and dare say the Gods were but mere mages. Elves..." The old man scoffed as he turned around to look at the silent children. "...wielding magic as if it were naturally in their blood. Those who possess magic are tasked with burdens, Solas." He approached him solemnly. "So many... whose fates we know not of... and you make suggestions as if that were... natural."
> 
> Solas head his held high but was weary. A resignation.

A delightful chirp of a laugh broke him from his daze and Solas shook the memory out of his head.

"Solas..." Lavellan cheerfully said as she tugged his forearm.

"Come, everyone is heading to the carriages and horse." She paused for a moment then registered how regal he appeared.

"My, Solas... aren't you looking dashing!" 

He blushed slightly while at the same time trying not to appear too embarrassed. He bowed his head and smiled softly. "And you yourself - look ready to rule an empire."

"An elven empire, perhaps. You think they'll take it as an insult that their Inquisitor is an elf? This uniform offers NO room for flexibility."

"I thought you'd chosen an Orlesian dress for the occasion?" He took her arm as they walked across the room towards the door.

"Well... I'd much preferred that, you know. I have it stowed away for the after-party with the imperial court but for the ball itself we must appear 'uniform and sharp' - dominant, I suppose is what Josephine thought." 

Outside the building the Inquisition was stationed, Master Dennet ushered in the uniformed horses and attached the carriages for the staff. 

"Inquisitor..." 

Both Solas and herself turned around, still arm in arm, and met with the eyes of a concerned Commander.

"Apologies, for the... intrusion... but Josephine had suggested you'd sit with your advisors and Cassandra in the front." His eyes slowly met Solas's and then darted away. 

"Probably for the best." Solas nervously chuckled, something that Lavellan thought unusual. He handed her arm to Cullen. At this, Lavellan pulled away. 

"Alright, alright. We'll get to formalities at the ball but I'm not a toy to be passed around." She snapped at Solas, fully knowing what he was symbolically gesturing. 

Cullen felt wooden next to the lean form of Solas. They both watched as she stormed to the front and into the carriage. In the distance they could hear Cassandra asking her what was wrong. Leliana leaned just barely out the window in the same carriage and narrowed her eyes at the two. 

Both men swallowed slightly at the sight of the fiery red head's grumpy demeanor.

"I - uh... should be going now as well." Cullen said while rubbing the back of his neck, as his custom. 

"You'd do well to tell her the truth." 

At that, Solas turned from the Commander and made his way towards the back with the servants. Cullen stayed behind for a few more moments before preparing for what could be the most awkward ride of his life.


	21. Hushed Whispers and Sinful Secrets

Gentle cheerful musical notes chimed through the warm early spring evening. The scent of honeyed meade and wine could be traced outside the palace gates. As the Inquisition rode up to just past the courtyard, Lavellan poked her head through the carriage's window. Two grey stony peaks pierced the sky clandestine-like to the natural eye. Amber and rose waves painted the Orlesian palace's background across the sky. The sun's last goodbye was amidst them and Lavellan wasn't sure if she was ready to bid it farewell just yet.

Josephine and Leliana spoke among themselves over the agenda for the night. It was beginning to feel more real for the Inquisitor - all the work she'd put into herself was to be tested for the next few hours. She felt a knot in her stomach twist and her hands began to feel humid yet cold. 

 _Alright, I believe Duke Germain de Chalons is uncle to Duke Gaspard - though I don't believe they are in good relations._ She thought to herself as she tried to sporadically piece together the plan for the night. She was letting her nerves get the best of her and she began to feel herself going through momentary fits of panic.

From across her seat, Commander Cullen watched her as he leaned on his shoulder. He had been silently resting throughout most of their ride, and Lavellan hadn't noticed his quiet awakening. He watched her with narrowed eyes as her bottom lip began to quiver in a combination of excitement and terror. 

The estate was much larger than she had anticipated and she wondered to herself if her agents were spread evenly - and if they were, would they be able to provide speedy support?

"It looks much more intimidating than it is, I assure you."

Her eyes met two gold reflective lights in the corner of the carriage. It smirked - almost sinisterly.

"My your awful confident given your earlier condemnation of the whole affair." Her voice much more snippy than she had anticipated.

"You are well guarded, as are your friends. I know that is the first thing on your mind given the circumstances of what we've uncovered." He leaned forward to peak out of the same window she had earlier. The sun was now fully submerged under the purple mountain skyline. The hushed blue sky cast itself across the land.

"You haven't the faintest idea what is on my mind." She whispered annoyedly. She hadn't forgotten his odd standoffish behavior as of late - nor of what appeared to be his involvement of keeping Solas at bay from her. How could someone who treated her so sweetly just up and decide to cancel future arrangements? It happened slowly after the night Cole had abrasively taken her from his hands, and then right before the night she kissed Solas, she remembered what fueled part of that impulsive behavior.

Their conversation before leaving was civil but remained mostly on the topic of the plans for the night. He confused her more than anyone had before - even Solas. One moment he seemed to be almost in love with her and the next... he wanted nothing to do with her.

 

 

> _"Unfortunately I'm being called elsewhere that night, my lady." Cullen looked away from her. It was childish, he knew. But she was indecisive, so why shouldn't he be?_
> 
> _"Oh... I apologize if my team is working you too hard, Commander." She sniggered but was not met with the same playfulness. She lingered a bit longer waiting for him to say something else._
> 
> _"Is there something else you needed?" Cullen's eyebrow was raised and unamused._
> 
> _She was caught off guard and did not expect such a brash response. She merely shook her head stupidly and turned around without a word._
> 
> _It hurt. She tried to think of what she could have said that would have merited such coldness._
> 
> _As she left the room, Cullen heaved a sigh. He knew it was best to leave her be and he was in no shape or form to give her what she needed. Vivienne's conversation earlier that day made that painfully clear._

Still, she felt guilt rush over her when she saw Cullen lean back at her sourness. 

"I apologize... it's my nerves getting the best of me. I hope I don't hear too many unkind words from them..."

"You deserve the kindest of words, my lady." He smiled just barely. 

Before she could respond, the carriage slowly halted and she could hear the chatter in Orlesian tongue. She took a small gulp of air in before Master Dennet appeared at the carriage's door. He wore a fancier ensemble than she had ever previously seen, and he seemed perturbed playing the chauffeur for the night.

"Come now, m'lady." He held his hand out.

"My, my, Master Dennet - if I hadn't known better, I'd confused you for a noblemen." She jested much to the chagrin of the stable keeper. 

As she stepped out carefully and looked around, it began to set in. No sooner did she step forward than she turned on her heel muttering out something to Josephine. 

"Inquisitor?" Josephine looked concerned for Lavellan. She'd always known her to be skiddish during decision making at the War Table but this was different. There was actual horror and fear on her face. The rest of the team carried on conversations among themselves and commented mostly on the ride over. Everyone was distracted enough that they didn't even realize when Leliana and Josephine took her behind the carriages.

"Are you alright, Inquisitor?" Leliana spoke more softly than Lavellan had ever known her to before. "Remember, you mustn't show your fear..." She placed her hand on Lavellan's shoulder. "...even if you feel it."

Josephine's worried eyes only grew more anxious when she heard a gentle bell ring in the distance. 

"Oh dear, the nobles have finished their meetings and will be ready for the ball soon..."

But Leliana didn't falter her comfort to the young Lavellan. She continued to soothe her with her calming voice. When Lavellan finally composed herself, she nodded in appreciation to the spymaster and made her way to the courtyard to meet the others. 

In the distance, she saw the giant horns on Iron Bull. As she drew closer she saw the rest of the team turn to look at her slowly with glowing respect. 

"Waiting for your lead, Boss." Iron Bull smirked. Had he known of her doubts in herself? Her semi-breakdown with her advisers? The nausea she felt on her way over? 

Most likely, and she appreciated his subtle encouragement. 

"Do we all know our positions? Remember to play your roles well. Those hidden in the shadows will remain so." She looked at Iron Bull, a gleeful Sera and an uneasy Cole. They nodded. "Those responsible with networking and recruiting will remain vigilant." She looked over at Dorian, Vivienne and Josephine. "Those in charge of making sure I don't die - try not to fuck up." She laughed heartily as everyone joined in. 

* * *

Her first encounter with the Orlesians thus far had been unpleasant. 

"Rabbit." She muttered to herself mockingly. "I should've hidden that ring up her arse is what I should have done."

Sera chuckled from behind her as she stuffed her face with hors d'oeuvres. "You sounding like me now!"

Lavellan pushed her against the back wall of the library she'd been poking around in for clues. 

"What are you doing here?! You're supposed to be in the shadows waiting on instructions!"

Sera chuckled again as she looked around the room. "Right well - I figured that'd be your response, but see there's some unfinished business here I 'aven't settled yet. Got a bone to pick with one of them fluffy pants downstairs. Need to dig up some dirt. Also, yeah, and this is most important. You can't leave me with that thing alone!"

"Cole isn't a  _thing._ And Iron Bull is at your post, too. What if someone saw you follow me?"

"Listen, if someone even SAW you, you'd be shit out of luck, so my being here makes no difference."

In a sigh of resignation, Lavellan turned to look at the uncovered documents listing a few reported scandals - but nothing on the Empress yet. She turned to the blonde elf with the documents in hand. 

"Have it your way, but I need you to take these to Leliana - I think they could provide useful for later..." She trailed off as she felt the throbbing in the side of her head. 

"You ok?" 

"I'm fine... just do that and then get back to your post. And for the Gods, please wipe your mouth before you go!" 

 As they both made their way out of the room, she could smell something sweet. As Sera passed her down the trellis, Lavellan stayed back and inhaled once again. 

Lavender.

This wasn't a coincidence anymore. Someone was following her and had been continuing to follow her for the last year and a half. A wave of nausea crashed upon her lithe body and she fell to her knees. 

_Have I been so blind not to notice there's been a spy among us?"_

Again she felt sick to her stomach at the thought of leading her comrades into a trap. 

* * *

The vexatious laughter rose even higher before he finished his sentence. They had no care for what he had to say - they only saw a connection to the Inquisitor, they only saw an opportunity to raise their social status. To be used for someone else's personal gain sickened him. He recalled once how Leliana teased him about being a romantic yet impractical. 

The masked women flapped their fans playfully as they spoke to each other flirtatiously with the thought of Cullen in mind. He paid them no attention and simply began to recast his eyes towards the set posts of the agents. 

One. Noted. And the agent nodded in his direction to confirm. 

Two. Confirmed.

Three. Confirmed.

Four. Also, confirmed.

And...

Five. This agent, as if exasperated by the amount of times he had to confirm with Cullen through eye contact merely rolled his eyes to confirm that yes, he had seen him - again. 

The Commander's face turned a darker shade of pink.

"Excuse me, ladies." Leliana nodded them. She brushed them away from Cullen as a parent would shoo away troublesome children. The ladies huffed but continued to giggle as they caught sight of another handsome patron. 

He exhaled loudly as if he had been holding his breath under water - drowning. 

"Commander, have you heard from the Inquisitor yet? I have not had her in my sights for the last 20 minutes. Unusual of her and unlike what we've planned. My agents have not reported back to me about her whereabouts."

This was unusual for Leliana to be so cautious and almost paranoid. For anyone else this would be reasonable, but somehow it seemed more important with the worriment in her voice. But then she quickly smiled as if to ease the growing concern on his face.

"I'm sure she is just fine. She's a clever young woman." She hummed as she looked at a group of nobles dance in the ballroom below. 

He stayed silent, unknowing of what to say next. 

"It is quite a shame you were unable to allow yourself to fall."

His eyebrows shot up in confusion. 

"Pardon? Fall from... the..." He looked around checking to see if he left something behind his original post, 2 meters away. "Have I misplaced something?"

She smiled wickedly. "You were unable to allow yourself to fall in love, Commander. I'm quite sorry you prevent yourself from losing yourself. Life is not meant to be a game of war."

Cullen leaned against the wall again and fiddled with his sash. "I... it's not that. I - you know... my condition, Leliana. And... it appears as though she is not as serious about..." 

Then, as if breaking the intimate moment, he felt a vibration against the wall as if something along it had fallen - or the wall underneath had come down.

 


	22. A Truce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the mass typos. I had no time to spellcheck this and was eager to get this out.

At first it didn't seem like such an issue. She balanced her weight, shifting her feet appropriately to make sure it wouldn't tip over. Lavellan's mind had been on something else the entire night - that scent of lavender that pervaded her senses just an hour ago. She wondered if it was an agent or spirit that had been following her or her comrades - or that perhaps it could be something even worse... her paranoia. Her arm extended a chest that was on a shelf just above her reach. It wasn't something important, but she had always been a stickler for recovering any and all artifacts that could help them on their journey. It was to a fault - especially in this instance. As she placed her left arm underneath her body to push herself up, the statue that was holding her up tilted a little too much and slipped. In an instant, she met the floor with a loud thud. As the pieces spread around her, the chest on the shelf slid off and landed between her legs, comically. 

Varric merely chuckled. "Well, that's one way to get what you want."

She wasn't feeling herself. No, she hadn't felt herself since the top of the trellis. And yet she couldn't tell them yet. She didn't want them question her authority and especially not at this time - not when everything was on her shoulders.

Cassandra scoffed at his comment. _She is very bad at hiding her condition_ , she thought to herself. Indeed, Cassandra was no fool to it all. She had seen Lavellan's changes in her body language. Unlike, Iron Bull, who had he been there, would have approached Lavellan about it, Cassandra thought it would be best for Lavellan to let them know what was happening on her own time. She was no one to question the Inquisitor. 

Lavellan brushed off the piece of dust and debris off her land and opened the chest. 

"C'mon, We should make our way upstairs again. I still have much to uncover and I prefer to wander alone until we know what the Empress is up to." She closed the chest as she stood up. It was perfume. After everything she had seen so far, blood stained halls, tarnished books, ripped documents and screams echoing in the hallways... a murder... - she was expecting something much more deviant.

Just when she had thought things weren't getting complicated, she had been approached by Briala earlier in the evening. Being an elf, however, wasn't enough to win Lavellan's trust and she had remembered the rumors of Celene and Briala being lovers. It could just be a lover's spat. It could be something more devious. Briala had spies that rivaled those of Leliana's. Yet, there was something that didn't sit right with her. Duke Gaspard on the other hand was much more simple - almost to a fault. He was too military minded which was something Cullen had approved of, but it wasn't enough. His motives and familial betrayal left a disgusted taste in her mouth. And then there was the Empress herself. The status quo. Stable, but with so many faults within the system - it was something Lavellan could not fully admire. In cases such as these before in the past, Lavellan would usually look to Solas for consult. But things were different between them now. 

> _She chuckled softly._
> 
> _"Do you care for dancing?" She said suggestively. It could have been the wine. It could have been the atmosphere around them. Something was certainly making her more courageous._
> 
> _"A great deal. But dancing with an elvhen apostate would not be the wisest move to win court approval, Inquisitor. Perhaps when this is all over?"_
> 
> _She nodded. "That is if someone else doesn't sweep my off my feet by the end of the night, Solas."  She was part joking... and part truthful._
> 
> _He knew that things between the Commander and herself were complicated as of late. It was almost as if anytime they seemed to begin getting closer, the Commander would push her away just at arm's distance._
> 
> _"Well, if Cullen hasn't claimed a dance with you by the time we reconciled matters here - and if you are willing... I would rather enjoy a dance with you."_
> 
> _Her face flushed. She didn't expect him to be so forward on the matter. She smiled and walked towards the garden. Little did he know that just earlier, she had asked Cullen for a dance and was once again rebuffed. Perhaps it was obvious to everyone else but her. Perhaps the Knight-Commander didn't want something so serious so soon. Perhaps he was humoring her for awhile... to repay her for her sweet gestures in Val Royeaux earlier that year._

She refocused her thoughts. Bigger things were happening in front of them. The fate of the world was upon them. She had to stop daydreaming about men...

Boys. Not men.

* * *

The Commander decided that it was nothing to worry about. Surely it was The Inquisitor and Company lurking about trying to find out more clues or rather something that can point them in the right direction. He had to let go. And perhaps not only in the area of his expertise - War strategy... but also in his anxiety.

 _Maybe things wouldn't work out with her_ , he thought.

_But I would rather try then simply to let the opportunity pass by... And perhaps we will just come to the conclusion that we're not right for each other and that's fine._

_But I hope... Maybe I can find some happiness within her... within me with her._

Just as he was thinking to himself and in the middle of his daydream, Josephine walked over to him her face flush. "Commander, there you are!"

"Yes, Josephine?" He stammered quickly. He was growing weary of the tight attitudes nobles and royals had in Orlais. His eyes were beginning to flutter from his exhaustion and the warm air and alcohol in his system was loosening his guard.

"I'm tired, too, Cullen. We're almost... well, we are almost at a point where we can make a decision on whom to support. It seems as though the others have run into an informant that claims Briala is behind the plan to take Celene out. Leliana's spies have informed us this much at the very least. We'll have to hear word from the Inquisitor when she gets back."

"Ah yes. My apologies, the night has proven itself to be much longer than I had anticipated. I'm really... not sure  _what_ I anticipated though to be honest." 

Josephine nodded in agreement. "Well, it has gone a lot better than I had hoped for. And the court loves the Inquisitor. She's upheld us and the Inquisition's reputation with such grace. I didn't think she had it in her at one point. I suppose she retains much more than I had thought." She giggled to herself. Her mind quickly reflected on the memories of trying to get Lavellan to read up on Orlesian culture. She was floored when Lavellan had entered the Grand Ballroom with her head held up high, shoulders back, and her voice loud enough for the Empress to hear, yet soft enough to be seen as elegant. 

Cullen began to fidget with his sash again. "Perhaps I'll check in with the rest - see if they've heard anything since they departed." 

Josephine nodded, still pleased with the way things turned out. Out of all of Lavellan's advisors, she was the one most calm tonight. 

He made his way around the groups of Orlesians who had been gossiping about his marital status as he passed by. Before they could stop him, he exited the room into the Hall of Heroes where he had heard other conversations occurring. As he passed a couple of young Elvhen women, they met his eyes. He saw fear and disgust. He was not welcome to look at them... nor ask them anything either. He paid them no attention as he entered another hall.

There. 

Solas leaned his body against a decorated statuesque vase. Glistening in gold and ivory, the statue's position next to the intoxicated Solas seemed almost perfect. Cullen often wondered who Solas was in another life, for it was evident that he was not Dalish nor was he a Circle Mage. Indeed, the unknowing was almost more suspicious than his aloofness in everyone else's suspicion to him. He neared the mage cautiously, making sure none of the guests saw him purposely talking to the elf. He stood on the other side of the window Solas was beside, and leaned himself against the marble column. He took out from his coat, a scroll to appear as though he was in deep thought reading it.

"Any news from the rest?" His eyes did not meet the elf's. He pretended to be studious towards the scroll.

Solas smirked at his terrible attempt to look undercover. It wasn't so much that he was doing a bad job, but it was so obvious to Solas that he thought it almost comical in a way. 

"I heard a few elves speak amongst themselves about an agent against Briala saved from the Inquisitor and the rest. Apologies, I should have been with them, but Dorian thought it would be best if he had went. I think he finds himself a bit isolated in this setting." He twirled his glass in his hands, looking at the red wine circle the glass's edges.

"You know, I had thought Dorian and Iron Bull to be more susceptible to the lures of alcohol rather than you, Solas." Cullen coughed into his hand as he saw a few nobles past him. The nodded as they walked by and paid no attention to Solas. 

"Everyone has a vice, Commander." Solas chimed. 

Before Cullen could say another word, Solas interrupted once more. 

"I'm curious, Cullen. Given everything we know about the three we choose to support, who do you see as the most fitting?" He took another drink and looked directly towards Cullen. 

The Commander could feel the elf's eyes on him. He put his scroll down to the side and thought for awhile. After a few moments he chuckled to himself. "Are you planning to read into my answer?" When no response was given he continued. "I suppose it would have to be Gaspard. Though to be quite plain with you, I don't admire either option. There are only two in this case - Briala would never be considered a true leader to Orlais. Not with the blatant racism afoot. You've seen it first hand."

Solas narrowed his eyes then nodded. 

* * *

"Well this is shit." Lavellan said aloud to no one in particular. She sighed once again. Was there no "right" decision to make? 

"You're such a challenge to read. I had no idea you'd take the bait." Florianne looked down at them from atop the balcony. Who would have thought? The Empress's cousin betraying her for some proposed power in Corypheus's court. As if that would ever happen. As she dribbled along some monologue, as most of her rivals had in the past, she looked at Dorian. He didn't seem worried so much as confused as he looked up towards the Duchess. Cassandra had already raken out her sword and braced her shield for battle. A rift opened up in front of them and she could see the fiends emerging from the center. 

She snapped back into reality. "You're Orlesian royalty... why would you help Corypheus attack your empire?"

"Why settle for an empire when Corypheus would remake the world? I will relish the look on Gaspard's face when he realizes I have outplayed him." She bit back hiding behind her mask. "He always was a sore loser." 

Before anything else could be said, more fiends appeared and they were uninterested in allowing more conversation to follow. She conjured up a spell protecting her comrades and herself. She could feel her grip on her staff tighten. She tried to suppress her feelings. The feeling that always emerged when he wasn't in the group.

Missing him. 

As a few more demons approached her, she could only think of one thing: 

He owes me that damn dance.

* * *

 The Commander worked his way back to the ballroom slowly. He could hear the chatter and clamoring of people making their way back to a big announcement. He looked around the room and then caught sight of her. A sense of relief overcame him. He rushed over to her side. 

"Thank the Maker you're back! The Empress will begin her speech soon. What should we do?" 

She looked beat. Her hair was disheveled and he clothes were less than tidy. 

"Wait here, Cullen. I'll have a word with the Grand Duchess myself."

"What? There... there is no time - the Empress will begin her speech any moment..." 

She placed her finger on his lips, hushing him. With that she sighed and walked towards the main staircase. After everything Florianne put her through tonight, she was going to make sure she would hurt her in the worst way possible. Through humiliation. 

She sauntered her way behind the Duchess.

"We owe the court one more show, your Grace."

Florianne was surprised surely. Not that she had survived the attack, or even made it out in time to stop her, but she was surprised that THIS was the way she would approach her. Didn't she know her place? She is but a mere elf.

"The eyes of every noble in the Empire are upon us, Your Grace... Remember to smile." Lavellan smirked at Vivienne who stood to the left of the court. Vivienne smiled proudly back. 

"This is your party. You wouldn't want them to think you lost control." She neared the Grand Duchess confidently and swiftly. Florianne stumbled backwards nervously.

"Who would not bet delighted to speak with you Inquisitor?"

"Hmm... Well I seem to recall you saying, 'All I needed was to keep you out of the ballroom long enough to strike.'"

Florianne nervously smiled and tilted her head back to hide behind her mask further. The Inquisitor continued, relishing in making the Duchess - Orlesian royalty - squirm. 

"When your archers failed to kill me in the garden, I feared you wouldn't save me this last dance." Whispers and outrage surrounded the both of them. Empress Celene looked down at the two, scowling at Florianne. Blackwall and the rest smiled admirably at the Inquisitor's tasteful show. 

Solas watched her from the shadows. This side of her was deadly. He didn't think she could be this deviant. 

It fascinated him.

Lavellan circled Florianne like a shark in the water, waiting to strike its prey. "It's so easy to lose your good graces. You even framed your brother for the murder of a Council Emissary."

The Duke shook his head in disbelief and departed from Florianne's side. 

"Gaspard... you know I would never..." Florianne desperately tried to reach for her brother. Whatever love was there before this, was now gone from his eyes. He appeared so hurt, he had to walk away from his sister's sight. 

"It as an ambitious plan... Everyone... Celene, Gaspard... Briala - all under one roof."

Florianne tried to come back from her desperation. 

"You... you do not expect all of us to believe your wild tales...?"

"That would be a matter for a judge to decide, cousin." 

From the distance, Cullen could hear what was happening. He watched as she smirked and raised her eyebrows as she circled Florianne. He heard the gasps from the crowd. 

 _What a leader._ She exhibited such grace and cunning throughout this entire plan to embarrass the Grand Duchess. 

The guards took Florianne away, and he could see that Lavellan was making her way towards the balcony with Briala, Celene, and Gaspard by her side. If this had been any other time, he would have panicked at the thought of her handling all the diplomacy matters to herself. But she was clearly more well versed than anyone had imagined. 

* * *

 Morrigan smiled.

"A most gracious response, Inquisitor." 

The Inquisitor returned her smile with a weak one of her own. She was grateful for Morrigan's assistance, but she was also incredibly tired from tonight's activities. As she left her side, Lavellan thought she should give her a proper welcome when they arrived back at Skyhold. For now, she was thankful for a moment's rest. A truce. That was the most she could think of at the time. She was infuriated at the foolishness people in power had created. No one was innocent. No one was more just than another.

They all seemed annoyed at her choice to have them all reconcile. But what else could be done? The Duke was no more at fault than the Empress - even if she had wanted him to be. But disgusting behavior and ruthlessness aside, he was not as criminal as the Empress. If there's one thing this trip had taught her, it was that the Empress was no angel bestowed upon Orlais by the heavens. She ruined lives... committed elvhen atrocities... and all for power.

She sank her head between her arms, then looked up to the stars. Those same stars she had looked upon when she was a young girl. She missed home now more than ever. Her Keeper, her parents... the simple life. 

"I'm not surprised to find you out here. Thoughts?" 

Solas leaned against the banister with his forearms. 

"Everything went about as well as I thought it would. There was no easy answer to all this. I'm enjoying the moment while it lasts." She leaned into him.

"You should!" He lightly chuckled. "They're fleeting enough. Hold on to them while you can."

"You've been drinking quite a lot tonight haven't you, Solas?"

He pressed his lips together as he tried to hold back a laugh, and then spat out a drunken laughter. But it wasn't sloppy like a drunkard from the tavern. He exuded royalty. He looked so youthful as he hid his smile behind his glove. She shook her head at the sight. In the distance, she could hear the band continuing a light melody. She must have turned her head slightly towards its direction, because the sight of her doing so prompted Solas. 

He placed his hand on her back and stared into her eyes. "Come. Before the band stops playing - dance with me?" 

"Betting on the chance that I haven't been swept off my feet, are you?" She said as she clasped his hand. 

He brought their bodies close to one another. And whispered warmly into her ear. "I've already won that bet, I'm afraid." She shuttered at the seductiveness in his voice. 

Cullen watched them from the garden doors. He watched her as she smiled and giggled as he twirled her around playfully. It was that same smile she wore with him after their long conversations. The fear that he wasn't good enough - it would not take him over again. He looked down at the fresh rose he had picked. This was not over. He would not give in so easily. He let the flower drop to his side as he walked back to the ball room.


End file.
